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Aftermath of a relationship

  • 17-05-2014 10:12am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I wasn't sure whether to post here or in RI, mods please move as needed.

    I'm a regular poster going unregistered for this one. I ended a relationship last March with someone who was bad for me. He was sexually and emotionally abusive to me, and I finally got the guts to leave him. But I'm still in a bad place from it. I have bad depression and anxiety, and they keep getting worse. I get flashbacks to how he treated me, and how he just seemed to use me for his sexual gratification.

    He still stalks me on social media. I've had to block him on twitter, tumblr and facebook, but I know he still looks at my tumblr. He posts about our sex life online, and I recently learned that he had a blog about it on a kink website. I'm petrified it will get out, as he has photos of himself on it too. I don't know what to do. I thought that leaving him meant that I'd be free, but instead I'm in fear of what he'll reveal about me.

    I confronted him about posting about our sex life, and his reply was "I don't live my life by others morality standards, and I don't see sex as something to be kept hidden". But that's just it, I have to live my life like that. I want to work with children, and if this gets out my life is ruined. I just don't know what to do, short of going to a solicitor (which I really can't afford, I'm a student)


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Hey OP,


    I know that this isn't easy advice to take, but the more you ignore him and what he's doing, the more chance he'll get bored and move onto something/someone else. Part of what makes people like that tick is getting a reaction - he's posting for shock value - and the fact that you are confronting him on it means he's more likely to keep doing it. Let him believe that you don't care one way or the other, and chances are he'll get bored, or someone else will become the object of his affections.

    For what it's worth I was in the same position myself a few years back - I teach overseas, and after a messy breakup with a girl, she decided that the best course of attack was a full on assault via social media. I was concerned myself that my employers would get wind of her posts, but three or four weeks of being ignored by myself, and being told by other people that she was acting like an idiot, and she got tired of it and moved onto something new.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    Yes, any reaction from you is merely adding fuel to the fire. Delete yourself from Tumblr for now and do not engage with him, through thought, word or deed.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 537 ✭✭✭dipdip


    I would echo the advice above.

    But I'd just like to remind you that if you were sexually assaulted by him, even though you were in a relationship, it was not your fault. And if he has committed a crime, you are free to report it.

    Nobody should suffer sexual abuse from a partner.

    You should be extremely kind to yourself. Well done for leaving him and focus as much as you can on looking after you and being gentle on yourself. Maybe a chat with a counsellor would be good, too.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭ivytwine


    If the worse comes to the worst and you do need to seek legal advice, go to the Welfare Officer in your college and they will be able to help you.

    In the meantime, I would echo the other posters' advice, and delete yourself off Tumblr, and block/report him on all other social media sites.

    Good luck OP, you poor thing, I hope things turn around for you soon x


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