Early dating/texting - I'm at a complete loss.

Pinkmoon19

H Everyone,

In the last few months I have recently started dating again after coming out of a long term relationship. In 5 years it seems like dating and getting to know someone has completely changed!!

This is the 2nd time something like this has happened to me and I'm just wondering if this is completely the norm now. I was out on Saturday night and swapped numbers with this guy. We have texted a bit during the week and he said he would like to bring me out. All cool. Last night then he asked if I had snapchat, I said yes but I thought that unless it was something particularly funny/interesting I thought sending selfies was pretty pointless. Next message is snapchat isn't pointless if you swap nude photos. Now I know some people are totally up for this, but I'm not. I found it a complete turn off and I still haven't responded. Is swapping of nude pics before even a few dates normal or am I right to think that this "man" is a complete idiot??? It's so cringey even thinking about it.......

There is no "norm".

Anyone that thinks there is is completely fooling themselves.

Some people are into sending sexy photos, some are not. You are someone that is not into it, so just tell them. They were likely chancing their arm, to see what would happen, and there isn't necessarily anything wrong with it.

Just tell him that you're not into it and then see what happens.

Cunning Stunt

Are you sure he wasn't just joking? Yes you are right, some people are into it, but if even the thought of it is making you uncomfortable then you shouldn't go there.

Pinkmoon19

I don't think he was joking. It's not even the photo swapping per se that makes me uncomfortable, I just think it's pretty immature. Maybe I've just been unlucky that the 2 guys I have swapped numbers with have both asked for pictures. It's not even that I'm prude or anything if I was in a relationship with someone I wouldn't really have a problem. It kind of reminds me of being a teenager and your really curious about bodies of the other sex etc. Does anyone else feel like that or I am being really weird?

Pinkmoon19

Actually just thinking about it I think it's really vain, I couldn't put my finger on exactly what my problem with it was, but that's it. I would much rather get to know someone on all their other merits rather than how good they look in a selfie.

gaynorvader

He might just view it as harmless fun. It's not something I'd consider, but I wouldn't let it colour your entire perception of this guy.

Rubberchikken

For whats its worth, a guy who would think its 'funny'y to ask for a nude photo of a person he hasnt even been on an actual date with yet, sounds weird.

retro:electro

I agree OP I would also find it weird and vain and a turn off to the point where I'd probably call it quits at that stage. I feel snapchat is stupid anyway but using it for that reason IMO is just beyond idiotic and I would be insulted tbh that he would think I'm the kind if girl to indulge in that kind of thing and potentially respond, especially of I didn't even really know him, huge no no. Prince Charming he ain't!

Merkin

One of those? :rolleyes: I'd have pressed delete!

Honestly, the amount of chancers I encountered when dating that would be like "hey, what's your name? You're beautiful, show me your t1ts".....all in the space of two minutes. How charming, delightful and chivalrous...not! I'm no prude but I just found requests for nudity or sending me nude pics really desperate and dare I say sad. What about actually getting to know someone first and actually dating and letting stuff like that happen organically?

In one way it's good, as getting a message like that just shows that this person is looking for the ride/chancing his arm and little else.

In my own experience I never bothered corresponding with people like that, mainly for two reasons:

a. it shows a really BASE level of intelligence. I don't know any bright and articulate and sexy man who would feel the need to do something like this before even asking you out for a drink

b. it's sad and my guess would be that the loser is probably sending out reams of photos of himself to all in sundry hoping someone will probably rise to the bait.

So yes, in some respects dating has changed but anyone worth bothering about won't be blanket bombing the masses with pictures of his shriveled little willy hoping against hope that you're going to tell him it's massive

LegacyUser

Honestly OP - I would tell him to kindly jog on and take his sheer desperation along with him.

Personal opinion - I find it a MASSIVE turn off if a bloke you know about 5 mins asks for nude pics. Get the boat seriously. Maybe when i was aged 16 - 18 I might have went along being naive, but I'm 28 and if a bloke did that to me now I wouldnt even respond.

I am like you OP, I've been in a relationship 4 years and if I was to hit the dating scene now, I wouldnt have a clue what to do. But small piece of advice OP, I would stay away from snapchat. I think it's just one of those things where people almost expect nudes.

Best of luck OP

Pinkmoon19

"So yes, in some respects dating has changed but anyone worth bothering about won't be blanket bombing the masses with pictures of his shriveled little willy hoping against hope that you're going to tell him it's massive [/QUOTE]

:D:D Brilliant!! Thanks Anna080 - I feel so reassured that I'm not the only person in the world that feels this way!!

_Whimsical_

I would also find this a massive turn off. It's shallow and sort of a weird way of approaching sex for one thing but also I think people who are into doing this with virtual strangers are going to remain into it whether they're in a relationship or not.They think it's just meaningless fun. I know one or two people like this and despite them having girlfriends they still think it's acceptable to share these kind of pics with anyone up for it and they try their luck with new fb friends etc.I would never fully trust them to know what's appropriate I guess. Having a partner sending and receiving flirty texts is horrible in a relationship but someone into nude pics is a whole other ball game.

Legs.Eleven

Are you sure it wasn´t a joke?

Pinkmoon19

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Are you sure it wasn´t a joke?

I don't really know this guy so I don't know what is sense of humor is like, but personally I don't feel it was a joke. Why would he text me his snapchat username if he didn't want to exchange photos?

Maphisto

He's a weirdo. Dump him.

Good Luck

beks101

Don't reply.

If the guy is really interested in you and sent that in a moment of madness / randy-ness / drunkenness, he'll see the error of his ways, apologize and try to make a good impression again.

If it's a case of does-what-it-says-on-the-tin (more likely), he'll see that kind of behaviour won't fly with you and he'll move on.

Honestly your post just reminded me again why I don't miss dating for a single second. I don't know if it's the frequency of the online thing these days which is driven by visuals or whatever, but I came up against this ALL THE TIME when I was single, to the point where I would use it as a test of the guy and whether he was worth my time. That and the fact that it does nothing for me. Without knowing the guy intimately already and the attraction having already been built, a naked man with his willy out is just that - a naked man with his willy out - and fodder for gossip and laughter amongst friends at the very most.
(Men take note! )

As Merkin said, no intelligent, clued-in man who actually understands and respects women will go this route and for I'd use it as a signal that this guy wants to get his rocks off - if he was eager to get to know you as a person, he'd be trying to make a good impression and this is hardly the way!

Seriously, for the sake of womankind, don't reply!

Merkin

beks101 wrote: »

Honestly your post just reminded me again why I don't miss dating for a single second. I don't know if it's the frequency of the online thing these days which is driven by visuals or whatever, but I came up against this ALL THE TIME when I was single, to the point where I would use it as a test of the guy and whether he was worth my time.

Lol me too. It used to happen me a lot and the moment it did, the decision to engage was simply taken out of my hands, I knew I'd have nothing in common with a guy like that whatsoever.

Czarcasm

wolfen wrote: »

Is swapping of nude pics before even a few dates normal or am I right to think that this "man" is a complete idiot??? It's so cringey even thinking about it.......

I gotta say I'm with you on this one OP. It's absolutely cringe and immature, and if someone wants to see you naked, then being in the same room helps!

That's the way it works when you're an adult anyway. If someone chooses to send you a naked picture, you're not obliged to respond in kind, and if the person persists, then you know you're dealing with an asshole who is only interested in himself more than he is in you.

Sending pictures is seen as the norm nowadays because it's convenient and requires little effort on the part of the sender, and if they think you're worth that little of their time and effort, that says more about them than it does about you.

Pinkmoon19

Ugh how does a normal girl meet a normal boy these days?! Maybe next time I go out I should just wear a sign saying "If you want to swap naked pics move along".

Legs.Eleven

wolfen wrote: »

I don't really know this guy so I don't know what is sense of humor is like, but personally I don't feel it was a joke. Why would he text me his snapchat username if he didn't want to exchange photos?

Fair enough. It is very odd to ask you to do this after knowing him such a short time and before you have even slept with him. It would lead me to assume he´s only after one thing (and I´m not usually so quick to write off men tbh). If you don't have a good feeling about it, leave it.

Maybe just wait to see if he apologises and or explains himself. Maybe he was drunk or horny or just did this without thinking.


Who knows. Don´t let this dishearten you though;despite what people think, there´s plenty of good guys about.

Sun in Capri

Maphisto wrote: »

He's a weirdo. Dump him.

Good Luck

I fully agree. My next text would by Bye Bye.

sozbox

In all my years of dating/texting it has never occurred to me to ask a girl for a nude photo! What's the point? My female friends fall victim to the unsolicited penis pic a fair bit, again I don't get it!

stargazer 68

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Maybe just wait to see if he apologises and or explains himself. Maybe he was drunk or horny or just did this without thinking.

/QUOTE]

This - he didnt actually ask you for a naked pic or send you one! He might have just jokingly said it - by text its hard to put things into context.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt for the moment.

Maphisto

Dovies wrote: »

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Maybe just wait to see if he apologises and or explains himself. Maybe he was drunk or horny or just did this without thinking.

/QUOTE]

This - he didnt actually ask you for a naked pic or send you one! He might have just jokingly said it - by text its hard to put things into context.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt for the moment.

Was it you?

Seriusly though I don't agree.

Legs.Eleven

Maphisto wrote: »

Dovies wrote: »

Was it you?

Seriusly though I don't agree.

RossFixxxed

He could be joking. He could be used to it. I think some people would be surprised how common this actually is! I'm not into it, I'm in a long term relationship (over 12 years) so I'm out of that loop but it does happen a lot.

There's a lot of girl and guys who are visual and enjoy looking at an attractive naked body. I totally understand why you woudln't want to, why you don't like it, but it doesn't make him a total weirdo. He misjudged I'd say or he has had success before! It's very easy to do with all the apps/messangers etc now too, and video calls etc.

I'd just say you don't like it, and it's not for you and proceed from there.

Pippy1976

Rubberchikken wrote: »

For whats its worth, a guy who would think its 'funny'y to ask for a nude photo of a person he hasnt even been on an actual date with yet, sounds weird.

I agree. This is really immature behaviour. It'd be a complete turn-off for me too. I'd consider him a bit of a plonker. Leave the nude photos for a time when you know eachother and it's fun.

This is not fun, in my book. Don't even go there.

beks101

Pippy1976 wrote: »

I agree. This is really immature behaviour. It'd be a complete turn-off for me too. I'd consider him a bit of a plonker. Leave the nude photos for a time when you know eachother and it's fun.

This is not fun, in my book. Don't even go there.

It actually reminds me of the "show us yer tits" chancers back in secondary school when we were all teenagers.

Amazing how many men have yet to grow out of it. It shows a maturity age of about 12 IMO.

LegacyUser

yep I get where you are coming from.

Ultimately, he is vain, horny, and looking for a bit.

Ive been out few times, and have got the I wanna go for drink with you heres my number, and then get them asking me whats my facebook (surname) as though they want to check me out to see what I looked like again (please **** off), also have got the cheeky messages (please **** off)

chivalry is dead.

Lou.m

wolfen wrote: »

I don't think he was joking. It's not even the photo swapping per se that makes me uncomfortable, I just think it's pretty immature. Maybe I've just been unlucky that the 2 guys I have swapped numbers with have both asked for pictures. It's not even that I'm prude or anything if I was in a relationship with someone I wouldn't really have a problem. It kind of reminds me of being a teenager and your really curious about bodies of the other sex etc. Does anyone else feel like that or I am being really weird?

You have no control over what that person does with them after.

sozbox

kukucachoo wrote: »

chivalry is dead.

I disagree! This guy is clearly an immature idiot who only wants a quick ride but there are plenty of gentlemen still out there.

LegacyUser

Jason1984 wrote: »

I disagree! This guy is clearly an immature idiot who only wants a quick ride but there are plenty of gentlemen still out there.

glad to hear it

Pinkmoon19

kukucachoo wrote: »

glad to hear it

Me too!