Moody 8 year old- Help

missrandomer

Hi All

hope im posting in the right place.

I need advise on my little girl, shes 8. Although that seems young for the Teens and Pre Teens forum i think this is the right place for this.

She is constantly being disruptive in school and can throw her wobblers at home too. She is so moody, when she is in great form, she has everyones attention and is the centre of the room, very dramatic and charismatic little girl. Wiser beyond her years you could say.

Yet if she isnt getting the attention she turns and gets disruptive as in acts sad, cries, says things like "no one loves her" "everyone hates me", "no one wants to play with me", "i dont feel well" walks around the school with sad face on her own.
and this continues on and on, the teacher sits with her and asks her whats wrong and everyone gathers around and she seems to play on this.

If she is ignored and asked to get on with her work then she will keep huffing and blowing and banging books etc.

Ive no idea what triggers this, and both me and the teacher are baffled by it. I know she is a dramatic child, but this is part of her, she is happy and loved and told this all the time.
Ive asked if there is something making her sad or why isnt she happy, she will bring up things like she misses her cat from when she was 4 for example, completly random things, to me it seems its an attention seeking thing at this stage simply because theres no triggers that i can see.

Im at my witts end, on the bad days, her class friends wont play with her and this has a snowball effect. i then get called in by the teacher. The teacher has said she is as moody as teenagers, as if she has PMS.

Any advise i would greatly appreciate, ive tried everything. I just want her to be happy and not sure whats next to try.

gubby

she seems to be bright beyond her years. and I think (speaking as a grandmother) that children are getting more advanced every day. so, it is quiet possible that she is being moody because she is getting to be a "pre teen"
is she an "only" child?
would you consider taking her to a professional? in any case, in my opinion, I would sit down with her and explain how upset and worried you are about her behavior. tell her that everyone feels sad at times but she needs to find a way to distract herself when those feeling come on. If she could be made to understand that she is not alone with those feelings. her friends may also be sad at times. if she could learn to help others when they are down it would help her. I may well be talking through my hat but I do believe that talking and kindness will be the best help.
let us know how it goes. good luck

LadyMayBelle

I'd suggest firstly listening to those little woes of losing a cat etc, the impact of that and her ability to process the experience is a lot different from you or I! Acknowledging how difficult it was and how painful those feelings are for her, will do the trick,

Secondly,work with the teacher to reward the positive behaviour and ignore the negative huffing and puffng (within reason, obviously) She's quite the dramatic actor, who know, she might be famous someday! But for now she seems to have realised that negative behaviour gets her attention (and getting negative or postive attention is no difference for her right now; attention is attention).

I would suggest doing some activities with her around feelings and making creating a list of things she can do when people dont want to play wither her; eg a good thing to do would be to go get a jump rope, or draw a hopscotch or whatever, a not so good thing to do would be to go huffing and puffing; that there is a time and place for that.

It woud be worthwile seeking some advice perhaps from a professional around how to work with big feelings?

nicowa

LadyMayBelle wrote: »

... creating a list of things she can do when people dont want to play wither her; eg a good thing to do would be to go get a jump rope, or draw a hopscotch or whatever, a not so good thing to do would be to go huffing and puffing; that there is a time and place for that.

Is it a lack of attention is the problem (not that she doesn't get any, just that she's not getting any at that particular time) or would you think boredom might be a problem. I know for me, when I was a teen, if I was bored I stomped round the house in a mood until something changed - I wouldn't have gotten away with more . If she's as smart as you suggest then she might be finishing her school work faster than the kids around her and is getting bored and needs attention/something to so. Maybe agree on a school project with her and her teacher - something that has an actual result or she'll lack motivation - that she can do in those times. I know we used to do lots of things like the Write a Book and history projects where the work of writing out or typing was given to those in the class who were ahead (everyone got a go at the work but there was a huge incentive to work harder or faster to be allowed time).

Figure something out for home time as well. Activities can be time consuming for parents (the driving especially) but maybe there's something she can do round the house? Does she like gardening? It's more than just digging - you could draw up a plan for the garden and what to do (drawing graphs and such).


And I agree with the above poster - she knows what she's doing draws attention (especially if she's anyway popular) but she does need to able to entertain herself at times. It will be its own reward.