Meeting a fella - Sh*ting a brick....

stop animal cruelty

So I meet this fella at the weekend, lives in a different county and is about 10 yrs older than me.

We both had a good bit of drink, but not falling over or anything. Anyway he came with me and my friend to a pub, said he was going to the jacks but didnt come back for a while so we left. (l duno did he ditch me or what :S) Long story short I ended up in a hotel and l bumped into him there, l had no where to stay (taxi went home without me ) so l asked him could l stay with him and he was a gent about it(coruse he would be your thinking!). We had good craic, he seemed sound out...and we only shared a kiss (made it clear l wasnt that type of girl!) he was grand bout it.

So next morning l finally got through to my friend and organised a taxi. Said the goodbyes, he didnt take my number, but l said l would add him on FB. I waited a good half an hour outside the door for my friend but there was no sign of her, next thing he came out the door with his pals. We were talking away, had a drink and then he asked me for my number.

we've been texting away and he said lm really sound, good craic and nice and wants to meet again, he seems pretty adamant. I dunno to think is he genuine, l kinda do....but lm scared he might only wanna meet me for one thing (you know what). And than the other thing is the thoughts of meeting him again has my stomach in knots, like lm scared il be akward (l have social anxiety but getting better) like l get waves of "l cant do this what am l thinking" and "lm sure it'l be good craic il be fine". Sunday l was all up for meeting him and today lm like wtf was l thinking. Im just terrible when it comes to fellas!!

UGH.

Sorry this is so long and prob all over the place, its just l know lm over thinking...lm scared il make a fool of myself and he'll think lm not the same person Sat night (l get v chatty after drink).......lm just picturing the next day, that il be quiet, wont know wat to say etc.... l would like to see him again....l dunno whats wrong with me or what lm even trying to ask, l just needed to get it off my chest and read some of yer opinions.

skallywag

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

...but lm scared he might only wanna meet me for one thing (you know what).

Is this also the case with every guy who has ever asked you out or that you have arranged to meet, or is there something in particular about this chap which makes you apprehensive? I don't see anything in your post which suggests he only has sex on the brain.

Tokyo

I think you need to step back and take a deep breath Long and short of the last night is that he has a good opinion of you - in his words, you are "really sound, good craic and nice and wants to meet again". He was also quite decent about letting you stay the night with no hidden agenda, a situation that quite a lot of other guys would try to take advantage of. That's a good start, no matter what way you look at it.

Sure, there are no guarantees that it will all work out, but there is nothing so far to indicate that it's all going to fall apart either. And the only way you'll find out one way or the other is by meeting up with him. So treat it for what it is - a night out, getting to know somebody, having a bit of craic as you put it. And see what happens form there.

Katgurl

well there's nothing to suggest that you shouldn't meet him or that he has bad intentions towards you - you met out, exchanged details, he's been in touch, said nice things; definitely go and meet him.

what did jump out from your post though was that you should take it easy on the alcohol. are you in your early 20's? I am saying this from experience, i know i messed up a lot of nights / situations at that age from just, well being a bit of a mess. Then because I had a bit of a going-out alter-ego I was incredibly shy behind all the bravado about letting a guy get to know me. You lost him in the first pub? then you missed your taxi home and had nowhere to stay; come on, that's not taking care of yourself, you shouldn't be getting into those situations where you have to ask some guy you don't know if you can stay with him.

Do you drink heavily usually? You mentioned you are different when you're drunk; alcohol should enhance your night / personality not run the show entirely.

Anyway, really just keep it simple with this guy. He is just a person, same as you. He wants to meet you because he would like to get to know you better. Would you like to get to know him better? That is really all you have committed to at this stage so nothing to freak out about. Get the meeting up arranged and go along perhaps just for an hour or two (coffee / couple of drinks), see if you get on, if he's interesting, if he makes you laugh, if you find him attractive. Don't get into a condition you can't answer those questions. You have nothign to prove to anyone but yourself so don't be putting such pressure on yourself. All you need to do is turn up!

stop animal cruelty

skallywag wrote: »

Is this also the case with every guy who has ever asked you out or that you have arranged to meet, or is there something in particular about this chap which makes you apprehensive? I don't see anything in your post which suggests he only has sex on the brain.

Thats true but l suppose its cause lm 10 years younger than him and l'd wonder would he think lm a bit easy

zuhuraswa

I'd say go for it and take things slow until you are comfortable to move to the next step. If he's in it just for sex, you will find out sooner rather than later.

Maphisto

Good advice here. I'm sure a lot of people would identify with Katgurl's post. I certainly do.

If you're worried about the sex ting just take it as it comes, as zuhuraswa said it will be evident to you if that is all he's after. Just make sure you have the transport home sorted.

If you are anxious about talking to him, the easiest way to get over that is to ask about him, his job, his hobbies - its also very flattering to have someone interested in you

stop animal cruelty

Katgurl wrote: »

well there's nothing to suggest that you shouldn't meet him or that he has bad intentions towards you - you met out, exchanged details, he's been in touch, said nice things; definitely go and meet him.

what did jump out from your post though was that you should take it easy on the alcohol. are you in your early 20's? I am saying this from experience, i know i messed up a lot of nights / situations at that age from just, well being a bit of a mess. Then because I had a bit of a going-out alter-ego I was incredibly shy behind all the bravado about letting a guy get to know me. You lost him in the first pub? then you missed your taxi home and had nowhere to stay; come on, that's not taking care of yourself, you shouldn't be getting into those situations where you have to ask some guy you don't know if you can stay with him.

Do you drink heavily usually? You mentioned you are different when you're drunk; alcohol should enhance your night / personality not run the show entirely.

Anyway, really just keep it simple with this guy. He is just a person, same as you. He wants to meet you because he would like to get to know you better. Would you like to get to know him better? That is really all you have committed to at this stage so nothing to freak out about. Get the meeting up arranged and go along perhaps just for an hour or two (coffee / couple of drinks), see if you get on, if he's interesting, if he makes you laugh, if you find him attractive. Don't get into a condition you can't answer those questions. You have nothign to prove to anyone but yourself so don't be putting such pressure on yourself. All you need to do is turn up!

god no l dont drink heavy at all...it was just one of those nights the most random of things happened, and l wouldnt have stayed with any fella its just l knew his face....

see its not for an hour we're meeting up its sat night and all day sunday :S lm just scared il be shy, up tight and nervous, like il run out of things to say & not being able to chat away:(

stop animal cruelty

Maphisto wrote: »

Good advice here. I'm sure a lot of people would identify with Katgurl's post. I certainly do.

If you're worried about the sex ting just take it as it comes, as zuhuraswa said it will be evident to you if that is all he's after. Just make sure you have the transport home sorted.

If you are anxious about talking to him, the easiest way to get over that is to ask about him, his job, his hobbies - its also very flattering to have someone interested in you

see l know all that from texting!!

Flippyfloppy

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

god no l dont drink heavy at all...it was just one of those nights the most random of things happened, and l wouldnt have stayed with any fella its just l knew his face....

see its not for an hour we're meeting up its sat night and all day sunday :S lm just scared il be shy, up tight and nervous, like il run out of things to say & not being able to chat away:(

Sorry for jumping in, but seriously, you need to vet people more stringently when you share a room with them! I'm glad it went well and I'm not saying Ive never done similar, but try not to put yourself in this situation again!!!

Why are you meeting Saturday & all day Sunday? Why have you decided on such a long date? If I were you I'd say we'll see how it goes!!

stop animal cruelty

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Sorry for jumping in, but seriously, you need to vet people more stringently when you share a room with them! I'm glad it went well and I'm not saying Ive never done similar, but try not to put yourself in this situation again!!!

Why are you meeting Saturday & all day Sunday? Why have you decided on such a long date? If I were you I'd say we'll see how it goes!!

l was only in that suitation cause l was 2 minutes late for my taxi...he left without me, its a completely different story.

Its a long date cause he lives in a different county, l said it in my op...

ya il see how it goes its just lm v nervous about it

Flippyfloppy

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

l was only in that suitation cause l was 2 minutes late for my taxi...he left without me, its a completely different story.

Its a long date cause he lives in a different county, l said it in my op...

ya il see how it goes its just lm v nervous about it

Is it so long because he lives hours away and theres no point meeting up just for a coffee? I can see why you're nervous, it's a long time to spend with someone you just met! Of course it could go well.....

I just mean your phrase 'you knew his face'!

stop animal cruelty

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Is it so long because he lives hours away and theres no point meeting up just for a coffee? I can see why you're nervous, it's a long time to spend with someone you just met! Of course it could go well.....

I just mean your phrase 'you knew his face'!

he has an innocent looking face :P

it'll take him at least 2 and a half hours drive and it was him that suggested the weekend...l just need to stop over thinking but how is the prob!!!:o

Flippyfloppy

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

he has an innocent looking face :P

it'll take him at least 2 and a half hours drive and it was him that suggested the weekend...l just need to stop over thinking but how is the prob!!!:o

Glad he has an innocent brain to go with it then

Look if you're really nervous about commiting to a long date, could you not meet him halfway somewhere for lunch? Somewhere that has a cinema and some restaurants/ sights to continue onto if the date goes well?

stop animal cruelty

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Glad he has an innocent brain to go with it then

Look if you're really nervous about commiting to a long date, could you not meet him halfway somewhere for lunch? Somewhere that has a cinema and some restaurants/ sights to continue onto if the date goes well?

see its arranged now, hes coming down sat night, we go out and then the next day he says its up to me what to do....l dont wana change plans now cause there made...plus lm working saturday

Maphisto

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

see l know all that from texting!!

Yes but conversations face to face are different to texting, e-mails or bulletin boards. You get visual cues as to what they're interested what they're not so eager to talk about.

Say you know what his job is - but do you really know the ins and outs of it? What made him take that job / career? Does he plan to stay in that career / copany / job. Its just more than getting information its gets down to what makes him tick.

Good Luck

Flippyfloppy

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

see its arranged now, hes coming down sat night, we go out and then the next day he says its up to me what to do....l dont wana change plans now cause there made...plus lm working saturday

Well look, you'd be perfectly entitled to change it to Sunday day if you wanted to shorten it!! I have done in the past

stop animal cruelty

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Well look, you'd be perfectly entitled to change it to Sunday day if you wanted to shorten it!! I have done in the past

ha see l wouldnt be as nervous on the sat night, wiht 1 or 2 drinks in me, maybe if he didnt live so far away l could

Flippyfloppy

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

ha see l wouldnt be as nervous on the sat night, wiht 1 or 2 drinks in me, maybe if he didnt live so far away l could

Did you add him on facebook in the end?

stop animal cruelty

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Did you add him on facebook in the end?

l sure did! bit of fb stalking :P

retro:electro

Hey OP! I have been in a situation like yours before. The first meeting went well and then your left anxiously waiting until the next time thinking I wonder will he find me as hilarious as I was on our first date!! Anyways, from reading your posts it seems you are majorly over thinking things, don't. There will more than likely be awkward moments, silences and times where you're stuck for something to say; these things are normal. You're only getting to know each other so it's not going to be 100% comfortable for either of you. Try to resist the temptation of going overboard with the drink in order to ease the situation. Most guys I know say they prefer the shy quiter type than the loud and larey ones, so if you're shy and quiet then that's okay, don't worry about it. Just go with the flow and don't overthink things too much! Good luck

Tasden

He's just as responsible as you are for keeping the conversation going so don't be worrying so much, just enjoy it for what it is

stop animal cruelty

thanks for all the replies and advice guys, l do feel a bit at ease now...lm just over thinking and need to relax, gonna stay positive about it and go with the flow!

Legs.Eleven

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

thanks for all the replies and advice guys, l do feel a bit at ease now...lm just over thinking and need to relax, gonna stay positive about it and go with the flow!

Enjoy it, OP. I don´t think there´s a person on this planet that hasn´t gone through what you´re going through; the nerves are all part of it. As someone else said, it´s up to him as much as you to make the effort and I´m sure he´s as nervous as you are. Just because he´s older doesn´t mean he think you´re easy (having gone out with older fellas a fair few times, including my current boyfriend) and at least ime, older fellas tend not to be so judgemental about that kind of stuff as young guys (same goes for women).


Good luck and have a good time!! Report back!!

myshirt

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

...he seems pretty adamant. I dunno to think is he genuine, l kinda do....but lm scared he might only wanna meet me for one thing (you know what)

You're wrong. He probably wants his washing and ironing done aswell.


I joke of course, but in fairness, it's maybe a dim view to take of the chap, I say give it a go. Sometimes you can overthink it. Just run with it as best you can. Meet in a public place, be careful with the drink and just enjoy yourself. You might feel like an idiot in life, but keep at it, you'll get better at it, we all feel like that at some stage.

And there is no harm in going to your gp.

Sun in Capri

Even if he lives in another county I think you should just meet up for a few hours. Way too much too soon in my view.

Also, you are not being forced into a relationship so don't treat it too seriously and just see how it goes and enjoy it.

stop animal cruelty

myshirt wrote: »

You're wrong. He probably wants his washing and ironing done aswell.


I joke of course, but in fairness, it's maybe a dim view to take of the chap, I say give it a go. Sometimes you can overthink it. Just run with it as best you can. Meet in a public place, be careful with the drink and just enjoy yourself. You might feel like an idiot in life, but keep at it, you'll get better at it, we all feel like that at some stage.

And there is no harm in going to your gp.

thanks what do you mean by go to my gp for what?

ted1

OP,

he may think that you want him for only one thing. It works both ways.

live life and enjoy it, if you enjoy spending time with the guy then go ahead

Sir Oxman

As an aside, I'd question your friend that let you down twice with lifts/going home.
I mean, come on.

stop animal cruelty

Sir Oxman wrote: »

As an aside, I'd question your friend that let you down twice with lifts/going home.
I mean, come on.

well the taxi man was being a d*ckhead, and my friend was off having her own fun, she had alot to drink but l didnt really mind anyway

stop animal cruelty

up-date for anyone who cares!

So l met him, was a tiny but awkward at the start, he seemed a bit nervous too, but over all.....couldnt have gone any better!! Hes prob one of the nicest guys lv met in a long time, l had a great weekend with him & he was delighted too....seeing eachother for a 2nd date soon, and the rain stayed away!

dixiefly

Just came across this thread.

I am delighted that it went so well.


Reading through the thread the vibes are reasonably good about him (and I am a guy).

Your real problem now if you want to make sometghing of it is the distance between your locations but longer distances have been overcome in the past.

stop animal cruelty

dixiefly wrote: »

Just came across this thread.

I am delighted that it went so well.


Reading through the thread the vibes are reasonably good about him (and I am a guy).

Your real problem now if you want to make sometghing of it is the distance between your locations but longer distances have been overcome in the past.

thanks ya distance is a bit of a pain, he lives a 2 hr to 2 and a half hr drive away, it might work if we want it to.

Merkin

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

thanks ya distance is a bit of a pain, he lives a 2 hr to 2 and a half hr drive away, it might work if we want it to.

That distance is really negligible to be honest. People have successful LDR's that span continents so I wouldn't give a moment's consideration to a two-hour drive! Hope it works out for you, he sounds nice.