Fostering???

goldair_stokes

Hi All,

Is there anyone here, who is a foster parent or becoming a foster parent.
My husband and I talked about fostering, as we cant conceive. It is one option for us that is most likely.

Anyway, my question is, Is the process to become a foster parent hard?
And for foster parents, can i have you honest opinion on how hard is it? Emotionally?
And is it worth it? I know its worth it, but i mean, is it worth the heartache when you have to give back a child?

Any advise would be great.

Thanks

wicklori

Hi! I have experience of fostercare from a different perspective. I don' claim to be an expert by any stretch of the imagination but I did quite a bit of actual academic research as well as interviews. I have also worked directly with fostercarers ad children who have lived in fostercare.
Fostering is very difficult but extremely rewarding. You both would need to have your eyes and inds open to the idea that these children are not- nor are they ever likely to be- yours. They can go 'home' at any time if that is decided to be what is in their best interests. They may have extremely challenging behaviour- up to and including violence and sexually inappropriate behaviour towards you and or your partner.

I am not going to sugarcoat it! That said! Fostercarers are the absolute back bone of the care system and do amazing work. They are and need to be trained professionals offering a service to some of the most needy children in the country.

My research indicated that children who are not in a position to have their own children can struggle as it is more difficult for them not to invest heavily of themselves in their charges. That's not always a bad thing but it can burn out foster carers extremely quickly.

If you do decide to do it- the assessment process is tough- lots of probing personal questions asked by nosy social workers- which can include reference to your sex life.

If you decide to go ahead please give some thought to fostering teenagers!! Everyone always wants the cuddley babies!!

goldair_stokes

Thanks so much for that.. I needed that, while ive been researching, everything looks so easy and straight forward, and i knew that wouldnt be the case.

wicklori

goldair_stokes wrote: »

Thanks so much for that.. I needed that, while ive been researching, everything looks so easy and straight forward, and i knew that wouldnt be the case.

I really hope I didn't sound negative. I don't want to put you off at all. It is a wonderful thing to do- but you do need to have your eyes open- from the beginning!

misty01

I on the other hand am one of those people who can't conceive. We have decided to foster and have a wonderful foster child with us. We take every day as it comes for as long as it lasts. In my opinion its worth the gamble.

nathughes

Hi

I hope you don't mind me hijacking your thread. Myself and my husband are considering fostering and hopefully adopting later. We have never tried to conceive as having a baby (physically) is not something i want. I know that might sound strange to some people but it goes deeper than just a non interest.

we are considering maybe starting the process at the end of this year as i would like to have some money saved up. I was wondering will one of us have to give up work completely?? I am wondering because im afraid that we wouldn't be able to support the kid we are fostering as we are both working full time at the moment and the drop of one wage could be a problem.

Also we are more interested in taking in an older child... is this discussed or is no choice given??

Nat

Gloomtastic!

Hi Nat,
why not get in touch with your local TUSLA office and ask them?

http://www.tusla.ie/services/child-protection-welfare/contact-a-social-worker/

apache6

Nat,
I know they are crying out for Foster Carers for teenagers in particular, they seem to be the largest grouping that the Social Services have to deal with. And yes you are asked what your preferences are with regard to the age of the child.

With regard to whether or not one of you will have to give up work that depends to some extent on your work time, you need to bring the child to school and collect them from school as they are not allowed (afaik) use public transport, perhaps in case they duck off etc. Also the allowances you get are quite good plus children's allowance.

Hope this helps.

nathughes

apache6 wrote: »

Nat,
I know they are crying out for Foster Carers for teenagers in particular, they seem to be the largest grouping that the Social Services have to deal with. And yes you are asked what your preferences are with regard to the age of the child.

With regard to whether or not one of you will have to give up work that depends to some extent on your work time, you need to bring the child to school and collect them from school as they are not allowed (afaik) use public transport, perhaps in case they duck off etc. Also the allowances you get are quite good.

Hope this helps.

Hey big help thank you. I was thinking of dropping down to 3 days a week like Sat and Sunday then one weekday. It is the weekday that may be a problem. MY husband works evening so he could bring them to school but on the way home i would not be home till 5.30... do u think for this one day it would be ok for a family member to collect the child till i get home?? If not i would just do the 2 days.

nat

apache6

Nat,
When you first embark on the application process you will have to decide which of you is to be the 'Principal' carer.

The Principal carer should generally be the one who has the time for school runs etc the day to day stuff.

I can give you more information but I would prefer to do that through PM's if that's ok with you?

Regards.

nathughes

apache6 wrote: »

Nat,
When you first embark on the application process you will have to decide which of you is to be the 'Principal' carer.

The Principal carer should generally be the one who has the time for school runs etc the day to day stuff.

I can give you more information but I would prefer to do that through PM's if that's ok with you?

Regards.

PM is fine i would love more information as i would like to get the process started.
Thanks