Counselling needed or just normal

December2012

It's a few months over a year since my father died. The landmark occasions were tough but bearable in the end.

With the blessings of the cemetery approaching we've been tidying up the grave recently.

Mainly mam, and not in reality a lot to do - some chats with the groundskeepers / headstone guys kind of thing.

Separately I'm very busy with my own family right now (exams in the house) so I'm parenting by myself for a while. Won't last long, but I've found during the past month I'm very upset about my Dad for no particular reason other than the two I think of above.

Is this "normal", or do I need bereavement counselling? I used to do yoga to de stress while he was dying in hospital, now I can't do a class without the feelings of the hospital flooding back to me and I leave the class on tears.

I still feel cloudy and foggy emotionally, although I function and enjoy my life normally.

I don't think I need bereavement counselling - but I don't know what's normal. I do know that my family feel similarly themselves about themselves. Is this part of the grieving process?

Maphisto

Hi December

Just my 2 cents - I'd defer to anyone else who actually knows what they're talking about - go for counselling, what harm can it do and it may do some good.

My own dear Dad died just over 2 years ago now. I miss him everyday. I still get upset over silly little things, sometimes even just threads on here.

Though I usually tell my wife that there's something in my eye

I wish you all the very best.

Frankie5Angels

December2012 wrote: »

I don't think I need bereavement counselling - but I don't know what's normal. I do know that my family feel similarly themselves about themselves. Is this part of the grieving process?

You'll probably get far better (and longer!) advice, but can relate and I would say nothing is normal in these situations. Everyone will deal with it in their own way. Do what you feel is right and what you feel you need at any given moment. If the yoga is bringing back the memories, maybe give it a miss for a bit? I just recently did something as simple as watch a film which carried some significance/memories for me and it took me about 3.5 years to do it!

Frigga_92

December2012, very sorry for your loss.
If you have a good G.P., one that will listen and not just fob you off, I would advise that to be your first stop. Your G.P. would have a fair idea on the stages of grief and obviously would know you relatively well to judge how you're coping. Also, your G.P. might be able to give you some advice and if you need to return then he/she could refer you to somebody.

When my husband's father passed away (my husband cared for him for 10 years and I lived with them both for 3 years before he passed away) we found that it was when everything had eased down, the funeral was over, the phone calls and cards had stopped, that it really began to sink in and we started missing him more than ever and it was then that we began to grieve properly.

Diane Selwyn

Sorry for your loss December2012 - your feelings probably ARE completely normal but couselling might be helpful if you feel things are getting on top of you. In fact now could be a good time for you to investigate it - I think some people try it too soon while they are still in shock and approach it as if it is going to 'cure' their grief rather than help them make sense of it. Things like yoga are certainly good for relaxation and I believe they have long term health benefits but counselling is more of a talk-therapy that can help you understand your feelings rather than just accepting them. It can take a few goes to find the right person that suits you as a counsellor though.