Legal Separation Maintenance

runlords

Hi please advise I think I am loosing my mind over this. Basically separated 3 years always payed maintenance voluntarily to kids all clothing school costs etc that's my job their my kids but now served with separation papers and my problem is this

My wages 1156 fortnightly, have rent loans from marriage etc nothing left after everything yet my ex now wants maintence for herself as she is claiming disability, wants me to pay child maintenance which I have always done as well and also pay all our debts circa 42k from marriage.

I pay 180 monthly for the two kids, I buy all there clothes, pay all school and social fees,school tours etc glasses etc bring them on hols and try so hard to be a good dad. She has free legal aid and I have to pay solicitior which is further crippling me. She has live in guy but denies he is in residence. Honestly I just want to move on my kids ages 13 and 9 are all I have and all that is important

Can a court give her more when I have nothing left for me as is, getting tired of sitting in cold because I cannot afford to turn on the heat

Daidy2011

runlords wrote: »

Hi please advise I think I am loosing my mind over this. Basically separated 3 years always payed maintenance voluntarily to kids all clothing school costs etc that's my job their my kids but now served with separation papers and my problem is this

My wages 1156 fortnightly, have rent loans from marriage etc nothing left after everything yet my ex now wants maintence for herself as she is claiming disability, wants me to pay child maintenance which I have always done as well and also pay all our debts circa 42k from marriage.

I pay 180 monthly for the two kids, I buy all there clothes, pay all school and social fees,school tours etc glasses etc bring them on hols and try so hard to be a good dad. She has free legal aid and I have to pay solicitior which is further crippling me. She has live in guy but denies he is in residence. Honestly I just want to move on my kids ages 13 and 9 are all I have and all that is important

Can a court give her more when I have nothing left for me as is, getting tired of sitting in cold because I cannot afford to turn on the heat

Runlords I can only offer some advice based on my own personal experience after being through the process 5 years ago.

First thing you have to get into your psyche - the law in Ireland is weighted against the man in these situations, once you have resigned yourself to this fact then you can begin to plan for the legal separation process which can be onerous and stressful.

First piece of advice (based on bitter experience), if you have a cordial relationship with your wife (which I didn't) use all your persuasive powers to get her to go through a mediation process. This process enables both of you to reach an agreement on future maintenance, division of assets, access arrangements etc., and is generally free. The Mediator will document your agreement and this will form the basis of your day in family court. Generally (and I use that word cautiously because you never know what may happen on the day in court), the judge will accept this agreement and use it to give his judgement.

If the above is not possible and you have to engage the services of a legal professional make absolutely sure that he/she is a Rottweiller and is totally in your corner (again this is based on bitter experience).

One part of the process is that each of you will have to draw up an Affidavit of Means which will detail your monthly income and expenses, it is imperative that you and your legal counsel go through your wife's Affidavit with a fine tooth comb and question/argue any item that looks spurious or excessive - neither I nor my legal counsel did that and I ended up paying a heavy price for that oversight.

I wish you well as you start this process, as I said above it is onerous and can be extremely stressful. One other piece of advice I would give you (and this one is not easy to take), make sure you take of yourself both mentally and physically as you need to stay strong for your children.

desbrook

It's easier to get out of a marriage than a separation agreement .

runlords

desbrook wrote: »

It's easier to get out of a marriage than a separation agreement .

How ?

desbrook

runlords wrote: »

How ?

Think about it.. With a separation agreement you kind of " get married again " by defining your obligations to each other financially etc. It's a different relationship of course but it never the less is one. The fact that it's more defined than marriage mean it's easier to enforce.

runlords

First thank you for taking the time to reply believe me it is actually a great help and I will take your advice