am I making a big deal out of nothing?

Ande1975

Hi,
I would love to get posters opinion on this.
First off I'll say I know this is trivial compared to other people's issues but its bothering me.
I am near 40, had a really tough 6-7 months with family illness. I pretty much laid low as I was doing a lot of travelling and looking after my folks. Needless to say I wasn't in much contact with friends but I was getting texts of support etc.
Now life is going back to normal, thank God and I can focus on myself again.
I planned to see a friend Sunday evening for a catch up. Now this friend is in her 40s, extremely nice person who makes time for everyone.
I get a text on the Sunday asking if I still wanted to meet up. She said she wanted to stay home and tackle the garden and I said fine no bother. Something didn't seem right about it but fair enough.
Now normally she would invite me round but this time she didn't. A few texts back and forth and decided to catch up the following weekend. All grand.
As I was at a loose end that day, I decided to walk into town as it was sunny. Weird thing is, she passed me in her car with another person (lady) in the passenger seat.
I have to say I was taken aback. For a few reasons, I always believed her to be a very honest person who would hate to upset anyone. Then I started to think, am I bad company?
Normally I take no notice of these things. Some people do this and as you get older you can see who are reliable and who are not and take no notice.
This however, seemed (to me) extremely out of character for her.
I would have preferred if she said I've a friend round do you mind if we reschedule?
I am due to meet her next week, should I say something or just suck it up.
BTW I cannot believe I am posting about this but it just feels weird if that makes sense.
Thanks,
A

Boombastic

maybe she was doing the garden. Her friend could be big in to flowers and she was helping her go to the garden centre?

that's just one possibility. I wouldn't take one incident to mean much. You must have been looking forward to it and are understandably disappointed, but it could have been genuine

Addle

It's possibly a once off and maybe she's dealing with a private matter that she didn't want to disclose to you.
I wouldn't dwell too much on it.
If it keeps happening, then I'd understand why you'd think she has an issue with your friendship.

Ande1975

Thanks for the responses so far.
I am trying to see it as a benign issue but something felt off about the whole thing.
She is a good person overall. There have been a few scenarios in the past that have made me go huh?
I was just surprised is all. I know she would be upset if I did that to her - or maybe not.
Its just weird.

Addle

You got a shock.
If you'd blinked at the moment you saw her and ended up not thinking that she lied about her plans, would you be questioning your friendship?

Tokyo

I think you're reading quite a lot into this, seeing that you have taken time out of everybody else's life for the best part of a year. I'm not questioning the legitimacy of your reasons for that, but just trying to point out that (a) you can't just pick up where you left off, and (b) other people are entitled to last minute changes of plans too.

There are a myriad of reasons why your friend might have been in the car - maybe someone popped by unexpectedly, maybe she was giving someone a lift, maybe she was running an errand, maybe she just had a bad week herself and wasn't in the mood for a catch-up session. Either way, all legitimate reasons.

You say that you've both rescheduled for next week, so it's not like she's bending over backwards to avoid you. I'm not sure I see a problem here to be honest. I just think that you may be taking it a bit too personally because you've just been through a hard time of it and want to put it behind you.

Ande1975

Addle wrote: »

You got a shock.
If you'd blinked at the moment you saw her and ended up not thinking that she lied about her plans, would you be questioning your friendship?

I'm sorry, I don't understand the question.

I'm not questioning the friendship. I'm wondering why she didn't want to tell me she had a friend round OR even you know what A, I'm wrecked after the weekend, would you mind if we rescheduled?
The excuse was just plain weird, considering it rained for most of the day.
I probably overthinking it but the feeling is there.

Addle

Sure maybe her excuse was genuine at the time she gave it to you and her plans changed after?

My earlier question was if you hadn't seen her in town with a passenger, would you be questioning your friendship?

Anyways, I think you are over-thinking it.

Ande1975

mike_ie wrote: »

I think you're reading quite a lot into this, seeing that you have taken time out of everybody else's life for the best part of a year. I'm not questioning the legitimacy of your reasons for that, but just trying to point out that (a) you can't just pick up where you left off, and (b) other people are entitled to last minute changes of plans too.

There are a myriad of reasons why your friend might have been in the car - maybe someone popped by unexpectedly, maybe she was giving someone a lift, maybe she was running an errand, maybe she just had a bad week herself and wasn't in the mood for a catch-up session. Either way, all legitimate reasons.

You say that you've both rescheduled for next week, so it's not like she's bending over backwards to avoid you. I'm not sure I see a problem here to be honest. I just think that you may be taking it a bit too personally because you've just been through a hard time of it and want to put it behind you.

I'm old enough to know that you can't just pick up where you left off and also that people are entitled to change plans. I have kept in touch with these friends whilst going through a difficult time and all we were doing was meeting up somewhere local for a chat not a mad night out.

I was disappointed that we didn't meet up but yeah next week is fine. Its the excuse that bothers me.
If I didn't see her, yes, I'd be fine but the reality is I did see her.
I admit I could be overthinking it but I know myself well enough that my gut feeling is telling me something else.
If it was someone else, I wouldn't be as bothered but I always took this friend for her word.

Tokyo

Ande1975 wrote: »

If it was someone else, I wouldn't be as bothered but I always took this friend for her word.

Unless she gave you her word not to see other people until next time she met you, I fail to see what this woman has broken her word, or done any sort of wrong. Consider the following scenario - she's at home working on her garden, and needs to run into town to pick up a few things for the garden with a friend/someone asks her for a lift/whatever. Is she supposed to pick up the phone and run it by you first, for fear she might pass you on the road on the way in?

Ande1975

mike_ie wrote: »

Unless she gave you her word not to see other people until next time she met you, I fail to see what this woman has broken her word, or done any sort of wrong. Consider the following scenario - she's at home working on her garden, and needs to run into town to pick up a few things for the garden with a friend/someone asks her for a lift/whatever. Is she supposed to pick up the phone and run it by you first, for fear she might pass you on the road on the way in?

Seriously?
Normally Mike your responses are spot on but the above is a little ott.
I am not saying any of the above.
Point I am trying to make is that I was taken aback and my gut is telling me something doesn't seem right.
I can't help how I feel.
Please close thread.

Tokyo

OP, I'm sorry you feel that way, and I'm sorry that you feel that something isn't right between you and your friend, but the resounding response here is that you are making a big deal out of the situation, based on the information available so far. Ultimately the only person who can give you a definitive answer is your friend, and you can ask her next week when you see her, but take into account that she might think it weird being asked for an explanation of her actions, depending on how you ask.

Anyhow, thread closed at OP's request. If you change your mind and want it reopened, feel free to pm myself or one of the other moderators.