Not going to my Grad or Debs

onethreefive

Hi,

Basically I'm not going to my Grad or Debs because I can't afford them. I am sort of disappointed because I feel I will be missing out on so much.

it's bad enough having to hear people bitching behind my back as to why I won't go to the grad.. I can't go its not that I didn't want to.

Has anyone else not gone to the grad and debs? I'm not too upset about the Debs just the Grad..

bee06

I didn't go to my debs and I don't regret it (almost 14 years later now). At the time I just wasn't bothered about going. I kinda felt like I was ready to move on from the whole school thing and that it would be going backwards. I know it probably seems like this big thing now but you have so many other big things to look forward too as well in the future.

Rubberchikken

Probably a stupid ques but is it that expensive to go to a grad/debs?
I've never had either so ignorant of details.

onethreefive

Yeah I suppose there will be more opportunities. I just feel kind of sad about it cos I wont be going out with everyone in the year.

Well in my situation the grad is costing €30 excluding drink etc.
The debs is costing like €60

retro:electro

If you're really struggling to come up with the money maybe speak to a teacher or guidance councillor in the school. They won't necessarily hand you the money but they may pay for a ticket for you. I'm sure they'd rather do that then see you not go.

onethreefive

The school seem to have disassociated themselves from the Grad and Debs which is fair enough I suppose. I wouldn't feel right owing anybody the money. I suppose I'll just not go. It's disappointing but sure I suppose I'll just get over it and move on.

retro:electro

onethreefive wrote: »

The school seem to have disassociated themselves from the Grad and Debs which is fair enough I suppose. I wouldn't feel right owing anybody the money. I suppose I'll just not go. It's disappointing but sure I suppose I'll just get over it and move on.

Maybe speak to someone anyway, they might be nice enough to help. I had a nice teacher in school who paid for me to go to a play when my family couldn't afford it and another paid for a friends school books, however these were beneficial to our education, the grad isn't. May be worth a shot tho.

rainbowtrout

anna080 wrote: »

Maybe speak to someone anyway, they might be nice enough to help. I had a nice teacher in school who paid for me to go to a play when my family couldn't afford it and another paid for a friends school books, however these were beneficial to our education, the grad isn't. May be worth a shot tho.

It's one thing a teacher paying for something for educational use, no teacher I know (and I am one myself) would pay for a student's debs ticket, which essentially a ticket to go out and get drunk. If the school, as many schools do, have dissociated themselves with the debs/grad then it would not be appropriate to put a teacher in that position.

OP, just be straight with your friends, say you can't afford it and that's why you can't go. If they are still bitching after that, they are the ones with the problem.

Why exactly does the grad cost €30. Is there a meal involved or something? Can you go later on and maybe not drink so it doesn't cost you much?

retro:electro

rainbowtrout wrote: »

It's one thing a teacher paying for something for educational use, no teacher I know (and I am one myself) would pay for a student's debs ticket, which essentially a ticket to go out and get drunk. If the school, as many schools do, have dissociated themselves with the debs/grad then it would not be appropriate to put a teacher in that position.

OP, just be straight with your friends, say you can't afford it and that's why you can't go. If they are still bitching after that, they are the ones with the problem.

Why exactly does the grad cost €30. Is there a meal involved or something? Can you go later on and maybe not drink so it doesn't cost you much?

I know ya and I stated that when I said it wasn't beneficial to her education, but you never know there might be a nice teacher in the school that may want to help her out, it's unlikely I know but you never know.

Hollister11

The debs is expensive - mine is In September and the price breaks down as
Ticket €75 (€150 if you Bring date) limo €87.50 each suit €100 drink money €75

So €412.50

For are grad were asked for a €20 donation (you don't have to pay it)
€20 drink money €3 bus fair and a max of €10 taxi fair

tinkerbell

rainbowtrout wrote: »

It's one thing a teacher paying for something for educational use, no teacher I know (and I am one myself) would pay for a student's debs ticket, which essentially a ticket to go out and get drunk. If the school, as many schools do, have dissociated themselves with the debs/grad then it would not be appropriate to put a teacher in that position.

OP, just be straight with your friends, say you can't afford it and that's why you can't go. If they are still bitching after that, they are the ones with the problem.

Why exactly does the grad cost €30. Is there a meal involved or something? Can you go later on and maybe not drink so it doesn't cost you much?

This. I don't know any teacher who would pay for a student to go to the debs or grad. Teachers have their own bills, mortgages, etc to be paying rather than stumping up cash to pay for their students to go on a night out on the piss. If they did it for one, they'd be expected to do it for everyone.

OP, unfortunately this is one of life's lessons. There are gonna be times when you can't afford to do the things you want, it's just life. Besides, the debs / grad ain't all that. There'll be plenty of better nights out that you can attend.

rainbowtrout

anna080 wrote: »

I know ya and I stated that when I said it wasn't beneficial to her education, but you never know there might be a nice teacher in the school that may want to help her out, it's unlikely I know but you never know.

Teachers are not charities. As tinker bell said they have their own bills to pay. It would put them in a very awkward position if they were to pay for a ticket which essentially is a night out drinking. Teachers cannot condone and support underage drinking which is what they would be doing by paying for a grad/debs ticket.

Over the years I have given students exam papers, books, copies, countless amounts of stationery, , extra tuition to students i know cant afford grinds, paid for a meal when I knew a student was short etc all at my own expense. I will not fund a students social life. Nor will any other teacher. That's not within our remit.

hfallada

Debs is so over rated. A night with people you basically had no choice but to spend 6 years with them. I remember a teacher telling us on the first day of school that having a ton of friends will seem like the most thing in school. But within a week of finishing school you won't speak to 90% of them. I know from looking around college very few people are now friends in college. Everyone had made friends they actually like.

Going to your debs will seem like the most important thing. But you probably won't be friends with most of them in a few months

onethreefive

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Teachers are not charities. As tinker bell said they have their own bills to pay. It would put them in a very awkward position if they were to pay for a ticket which essentially is a night out drinking. Teachers cannot condone and support underage drinking which is what they would be doing by paying for a grad/debs ticket.

Over the years I have given students exam papers, books, copies, countless amounts of stationery, , extra tuition to students i know cant afford grinds, paid for a meal when I knew a student was short etc all at my own expense. I will not fund a students social life. Nor will any other teacher. That's not within our remit.

I completely agree with this and I wouldn't ask a teacher to pay but I just want to make clear that I am not underage and I am not looking for money to go underage drinking.

retro:electro

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Teachers are not charities. As tinker bell said they have their own bills to pay. It would put them in a very awkward position if they were to pay for a ticket which essentially is a night out drinking. Teachers cannot condone and support underage drinking which is what they would be doing by paying for a grad/debs ticket.

Over the years I have given students exam papers, books, copies, countless amounts of stationery, , extra tuition to students i know cant afford grinds, paid for a meal when I knew a student was short etc all at my own expense. I will not fund a students social life. Nor will any other teacher. That's not within our remit.

I never said they were charities. I simply said go speak to a teacher about her financial difficulties and you never know. I also said its unlikely. However I never thought of the awkward position the teacher would then be put into as regards the drinking and all of that so on second thoughts maybe she shouldn't go to a teacher. OP the debs is a waste of money in my opinion. There'll be plenty of other nights out over the summer that you'll get far more enjoyment out of.

tinkerbell

onethreefive wrote: »

I completely agree with this and I wouldn't ask a teacher to pay but I just want to make clear that I am not underage and I am not looking for money to go underage drinking.

OP, it's still a social event and you do not need to go to a social event unless you can afford to go.

anna080 wrote: »

I never said they were charities. I simply said go speak to a teacher about her financial difficulties and you never know. I also said its unlikely. However I never thought of the awkward position the teacher would then be put into as regards the drinking and all of that so on second thoughts maybe she shouldn't go to a teacher. OP the debs is a waste of money in my opinion. There'll be plenty of other nights out over the summer that you'll get far more enjoyment out of.

Yes, the teacher would be put in a terribly awkward position and it is really bad form to even consider going to a teacher in the first place. A student's social life is not the teacher's problem. By asking, it could make the teacher feel incredibly guilty and then feel like they HAVE to offer them the price of the ticket to attend or whatever, when they might not be able to afford it themselves. You just don't ever ask to borrow money from someone to pay for a social event, it is just ridiculous. You may ask to borrow money if you are having difficulty getting money together to buy some food or pay for electricity or whatever, not to attend a social function.

sara1

This post has been deleted.

dee_mc

If you really want to go to the debs there are ways of getting around the expense, and ways of getting the money together.
Some schools have an 'after party' later in the evening of the debs, you wouldn't have to pay for a meal so it would be much cheaper.
I remember a student in a school where I taught having a similar predicament and in the end he asked his godmother to pay for the debs ticket as an 'advance on his birthday present', while another lad sold some of his DVDs and games and mowed a few lawns to get the cash.
As for the grad, I presume there's a mass or ceremony of some kind which you can attend for free? The drinking session afterwards isn't the most important bit in fairness!

alleystar

Hollister11 wrote: »

The debs is expensive - mine is In September and the price breaks down as
Ticket €75 (€150 if you Bring date) limo €87.50 each suit €100 drink money €75

So €412.50

For are grad were asked for a €20 donation (you don't have to pay it)
€20 drink money €3 bus fair and a max of €10 taxi fair

You must be having a laugh! No way in hell did I pay near 400 and my debs was only two years back. You may as well be throwing money to the wind. Ridiculous.

OP, the debs is crap anyway but would you not be able to get the money for the grad at least? Do you have any older siblings or cousins who are working that you could borrow the money from? It would be a shame to miss your graduation.

SparkySpitfire

tinkerbell wrote: »

OP, it's still a social event and you do not need to go to a social event unless you can afford to go.

Grads and Debs are more than social events, everyone knows they're not a necessity but they're still milestones in people's lives. That's why schools hold a graduation ceremony.

OP, the grads ceremony will be the important part, it will be when you're all together as a class commemorating the end of school. The afters really aren't that important as you probably still end up spending the night with your usual crowd of mates so it would just be like any other night out. Many people who are underage end up not being allowed in so I wouldn't be too sad over not going to that.

As for the debs, they're becoming way less important in young people's lives than they were years ago. It's an overpriced drinking session in expensive attire. Can't say I enjoyed mine very much looking back.

You'll have more opportunities in the future to go to formal events and at that stage you could have a job to pay for them. You're really not missing out as much as you think you are. As for the bitchiness, let them stew in their own vitriol. They've little to be talking about, you've nothing to be embarrassed about.

If you have friends in other schools you might be able to do some fun activities on the day to make your own memories and take your mind off what other people are doing.

HistoryMania

I know how expensive the Debs can be stressed meself out so much over it spend ridiculous amount of money on a dress etc and ended up having a crap night. So yh i think the debs is over rated.

our grad was a mass the dinner and a few drinks after a lot didn't go out for drinks over funds, is ur class going for a meal that u can go to?

tawnyowl

I didn't go to my schools debs and have no regrets.

I don't know much about grad as schools didn't have them back in my day.

sligoface

I went to high school in the states and didn't go to my prom which is the same thing. It was also because I couldn't afford it. I actually had no desire to go because I thought I was too cool for that type of thing, but the fact that I couldn't because I was too poor was actually hurtful, even though I never let on. And it wasn't the first time or last time that being unable to afford things that many others could made me feel bad. Instead me and a mate who also didn't go went to the cinema and then got drunk on cheap wine.

I've worked in hotels thst have debs, they look pretty lame and most kids are dying to get away to somewhere else like a nightclub by midnight.

Use it as motivation to work hard and study and make smart decisions for your future career path. I can tell you for certain that being broke as an adult feels way worse than it does as a teenager. But if you do well for yourself you will be even more proud because you overcame adversity to get there.

Snake

Never bothered with mine... Didn't affect me in anyway.. I saved a fortune... **** the debs.. Stay home and eat Chinese food

onethreefive

Thanks for the replies. I'm going to have to just get over it and stay at home. More study time

SparkySpitfire

onethreefive wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I'm going to have to just get over it and stay at home. More study time

Do other stuff with other friends or family even! Few cans at home or something else that won't break the bank. Make your own memories and try turn it into a positive experience. You're not the first and you won't be the last to miss these things but you can make it easier on yourself by doing a fun alternative. You'll be grand OP