Recently Seperated

LegacyUser

I recently seperated from my wife of 8 years.

I am finding it hard to tell people. My immediate family know and one more person but apart from that everyone thinks Im happily married.

Seems like every conversation I am in these days revolves around me being happily married... Do I just go "Well actually im seperated!!!!"

Appreciate advice.

/V\etalfish

It really depends on what you're comfortable with and the situation also.

I'm separated myself and while it took me quite a while to be able to 'casually' say it.
You'll find that other people will be more embarrassed for mentioning/bringing it up if you do mention that you're now separated.

It's like the whole conversation starter of "How are you?".
The generic response is "Grand/good" or something similar.
Nobody actually answers with "Actually, things are pretty ****..."

So in essence, don't worry about what other people think or might think, just go with what you're comfortable with.
As I mentioned though, you'll find that when the time comes that you're ready to actually say it to people that they will feel more uncomfortable than you because they didn't know.

Taltos

OP - if you want this moved to the Separation and Divorce forum let us know, just think it might be more appropriate there.

Alf. A. Male

A friend of mine was in this situation a few years ago and I was the only one who knew for quite a while, apart from her family who are all abroad. When it came time to tell people, the plan we hatched was to identify the biggest gossip and tell them. Job done

Once you've said it the first few times, it'll get easier, may even be a relief to you. After that, people will talk and you'll have to say it less often.

tyview

think_im_still_happily_married wrote: »

I recently seperated from my wife of 8 years.

I am finding it hard to tell people. My immediate family know and one more person but apart from that everyone thinks Im happily married.

Seems like every conversation I am in these days revolves around me being happily married... Do I just go "Well actually im seperated!!!!"

Appreciate advice.

I'm separated nearly 3 years and went through the same. I found it awkward to just spurt out so not many people knew for quite some time. I've found like others have said, that once you do say it, most back off or offer sympathy and thats it. There's no right or wrong. Just do whatever you are confortable with at the time. The more you say it, the easier it gets

LegacyUser

Well I told one of my friends today, was good to say it out loud (over text) . Part of my mind is still thinking maybe it will resolve itself and the more people I tell the more difficult it would make any make up scenario... still she has done things in the past that hurt me deeply and I never told anyone.. thnking the same and that didnt get me anywhere.

ABajaninCork

Good for you, OP. Although you feel a sense of shame over the break-up, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Break-ups happen all the time.

At least the deed is done now, and you've told your friend. Keep reaching out to people - it does get easier in all senses of the word! You seem to be handling this well and with dignity. Even though your wife apparently has done things to hurt you - DON'T be tempted to retaliate by telling people all the things she's done. If anyone asks why you broke up, simply say it wasn't working out, so you've separated. Leave it at that. If your wife chooses to disclose all the gory details? Let her get on with it.

Keep punching OP. Good luck!