Being anti social at work

Willow84

So my issue is with being social at work! A little background: I would consider myself a pretty confident person in general, for example I could go to a new situation and introduce myself, chat and make friends but it’s as if I have a selective introversion particularly at work!

I am in a creative industry where being very extrovert is what I believe gets you ahead but I struggle with this as I am only extrovert in certain situations. I feel uncomfortable at work a lot! I am terrible at small talk and believe me I have tried to force myself at the coffee machine but I basically suck at it. I am not living in Ireland and do live in a country where everyone speaks English and I do understand the language very well but I hate stopping a conversation to check I am following it ok, which is leading me to be more quiet than usual. I do go to work parties and usually have a blast and I joined the after work bootcamp last year and really tried to branch out and chat more but it didn’t really work in the long run it’s like a can’t maintain ‘acquaintance’ friendships I either am very close to a person or I don’t talk at all.
I have such a wonderful boyfriend here and close friends but it’s just this work situation that bothers me. If I look back at my behavior since I was younger I was a very outgoing child, always entertaining everyone and once I went to secondary school I suddenly became shy and introverted – saying that I still took part in the school shows . I always clung to the familiar so if I was out with friends I would let them lead the way and I would follow. This pretty much continued into college where I had a close circle of friends but usually avoided branching out. Then I emigrated and worked in a very international company where I made tons of friends, progressed well and felt I had ‘grown out’ of that phase but it seems not be the case. I then moved on to more local offices where I felt shy about the language and shy myself at work, I have always managed to make close friends in work but somehow I feel this ‘pressure’ that I am not chatty with everyone. It really bothers me! I have an interview next week for a really amazing international creative company and am not really that scared of the interview or anything but if I am successful I just would love some tips or advice on how to get off on the right foot with new colleagues or anyone who feels like me but managed to get over it? Should I really be worried as I am generally happy with other aspects of my life and accept that this is me?

Santa Cruz

I don't think you have anything to worry about. Also if you do start talking with someone let them speak about their favourite topic i.e. themselves, until you get comfortable with them.

Rubberchikken

The best way to have a conversation is to let the other person talk a bit, interject the odd question and soon it'll be dead easy to make small talk.
You sound like you're doing great, so don't overthink the small talk issue.