Am I being ridiculous?

Eliza b

I've been separated for 5 years, my husband cheated on me. I've started seeing a separated guy over the last 4 months, were both in our late 30's...he's the 1st relationship I've had since my marriage broke up. He's lovely & we get on fantastic, we've agreed to being exclusive but he hasn't expressed any other feelings for me, we see each other about twice a week. My dilemma is, a girl in her early twenties has started working for him & he seems to be really into her. She has a lot of personal stuff going on & he has asked me to speak to her to try & help her out, however he's constantly asking me if I have any updates from her & he seems to be worrying about her all the time. Also last weekend we arranged to go out for drinks & last minute he rang & asked of this girl could come too....I wast happy about it but said nothing. So, my question is do I walk away in case something happens between them or do I take my chances? I know I have my own insecurities having been cheated on before but don't know if I'm being paranoid or have cause for concern. I appreciate your opinions in advance!

Magicmatilda

Eliza b wrote: »

I wast happy about it but said nothing. So, my question is do I walk away in case something happens between them or do I take my chances? I know I have my own insecurities having been cheated on before but don't know if I'm being paranoid or have cause for concern. I appreciate your opinions in advance!

There seems to be communications issues here - you were not happy but said nothing? How is your boyfriend supposed to know you are uncomfortable if you say nothing?

Also you are only giving you self the option of walking away or staying, why have you not included the option of talking to him and telling him how you feel?

I don't think it is ridiculous that you feel insecure, indeed given the details you have provided, I can completely understand it, however I do think it is ridiculous that you will not talk to him about all of this, sure if you can't talk to him about stuff how are you supposed to carry on a relationship?

Talk to your boyfriend and see what he says.

strobe

My initial reaction is you don't introduce your gf to someone and ask them if they could talk to them about their problems, if you have even the slightest interest in pursuing that person. Doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

Sounds like your bf is just a nice guy looking out for someone younger than him because they need it.

If it was a case that he was constantly inviting this girl along when you're going out together or something, its perfectly reasonable to have an issue with that and want your time just the two of you. But it sounds like just a once off so far? If he was cancelling plans with you to spend time with her, then he'd be prioritising the wrong person and be in the wrong, but that doesn't seem to be the case either.

I really don't think you have anything to worry about here.

Alf. A. Male

Eliza b wrote: »

he has asked me to speak to her to try & help her out

Eh, what? Why? That seems, at best, to be very odd. Unless the issues are affecting her work, they're none of his business, much less yours. If she wants help it's up to her and people close to her to decide where it comes from, not him and certainly not you. I think it's ridiculous that he would expect and ask this of you. I think the issues it has raised in your relationship is a result of this inappropriate action and the resultant inappropriate dynamic. I'd be going back to him to point out it doesn't appear to be his business or yours and you should be concentrating on your new relationship, not dragging an employee into it.

tinkerbell

I think it's really weird he has asked you to talk to a colleague if his about her personal issues, that is just plain bizarre - you don't even know the girl.

Secondly, talk to him! You are being silly by being unhappy about something and then just keeping your mouth shut.

Legs.Eleven

strobe wrote: »

My initial reaction is you don't introduce your gf to someone and ask them if they could talk to them about their problems, if you have even the slightest interest in pursuing that person. Doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

Sounds like your bf is just a nice guy looking out for someone younger than him because they need it.

If it was a case that he was constantly inviting this girl along when you're going out together or something, its perfectly reasonable to have an issue with that and want your time just the two of you. But it sounds like just a once off so far? If he was cancelling plans with you to spend time with her, then he'd be prioritising the wrong person and be in the wrong, but that doesn't seem to be the case either.

I really don't think you have anything to worry about here.

Yeah, I can't imagine getting my boyfriend into a position where he'd spend time with the fella I fancied and was considering cheating with. That's not really how it works ime.

You were cheated on once but don't presume it'll happen again. If it does, it does and there's nothing you can do to prevent that happening but as you seem to really like this guy, give him the benefit of the doubt.

Good luck, OP.

zozo339

Hm. This is a weird one. I don't see it as you overeacting at all! I would be the same if I was you, if not, worse. I really suggest you talk to him and see what his reaction is...he could just be trying to be a Good Samaritan..but at the same time he doesn't seem to be putting your feelings into true consideration. This may be silly..but (I may have not read it if you did state this) does he know you've been cheated on??i really apologise if you said that. I may not of seen it... As if he does know then this really is pushing it over the line in my opinion...at the same time, have you checked his phone? Check for repeated numbers..or if I were you then I'd just straight up ask him! Good luck..I hope it goes fine! xxx

dee_mc

I think the main issue here is that you don't know where you stand with your boyfriend and so feel insecure.
Maybe you need to initiate the conversation about how you both feel about each other, and keep this girl out of it: unless he's a total sadist he wouldn't be encouraging a friendship between the two of you if he was seeing this girl or tempted to do so.
You're obviously a bit vulnerable after your other relationship, so explain to your boyfriend that you need to know where he sees things going in terms of your relationship, and take some time to decide whether you feel the same.
Best of luck with it