Isolated in my daily routine

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm an early 20's guy working in an office job which finished up at about 6 pm everyday. Lately, I've been feeling pretty isolated and always have thoughts that everyone my age has a much more varied daily routine than myself after work. I don't have many friends and the mates I do have live too far to see them on a weekday. I also still live at home. This leads to loneliness. For example, Monday-Thursday my day invariably looks like this:

6.30 - Home from work, cook dinner
7.30 Teach myself a new language (Russian at the minute)
8.30 Practise guitar in my room
9.30 Shower followed by Reading or watching something funny
10.30 Meditate
11.00 bed.

Writing it down even makes me feel a bit sad because surely most people of my age see friends or do social activities after work. Am I overstating the excitement in other peoples lives or should I change things up a bit? Cheers for any advice.

blatantrereg

All of those activities can be done socially. There are language groups where people chat in the language they are learning as well as classes. You could look for people to practice playing music with or even forming a band. There are meditation groups around too.

Lou.m

LackofVariety wrote: »

Hi, I'm an early 20's guy working in an office job which finished up at about 6 pm everyday. Lately, I've been feeling pretty isolated and always have thoughts that everyone my age has a much more varied daily routine than myself after work. I don't have many friends and the mates I do have live too far to see them on a weekday. I also still live at home. This leads to loneliness. For example, Monday-Thursday my day invariably looks like this:

6.30 - Home from work, cook dinner
7.30 Teach myself a new language (Russian at the minute)
8.30 Practise guitar in my room
9.30 Shower followed by Reading or watching something funny
10.30 Meditate
11.00 bed.

Writing it down even makes me feel a bit sad because surely most people of my age see friends or do social activities after work. Am I overstating the excitement in other peoples lives or should I change things up a bit? Cheers for any advice.

You are a lot more interesting than most guys. You seem fascinating to me :-) In fact you would be my type of person. I used to do a meditation group.

And there are lots of music groups around. You have wide varying interests you should have no issues getting to know interesting people.

Rubberchikken

You've a long work day so to be able to have the energy to learn Russian/guitar in the evening is a credit to you.

Like another poster said, you could learn the language in a group situation.
On the other hand, you could be right in thinking that others your age are leading very exciting social lives. Tbh most people are probably glued to a tv programme on a weekday evening;)

Lou.m

Rubberchikken wrote: »

You've a long work day so to be able to have the energy to learn Russian/guitar in the evening is a credit to you.

Like another poster said, you could learn the language in a group situation.
On the other hand, you could be right in thinking that others your age are leading very exciting social lives. Tbh most people are probably glued to a tv programme on a weekday evening;)

Yeah I would actually say his life is more interesting!!:)

meeeeh

You have interesting hobbies but your routine resembles more an army life than free time. Do you ever let go of the schedule? It doesn't matter whether other people have more interesting lives, the important question is do you like yours. Do you things you listed because you like them or do you do them because they are some form of self improvement?

You don't strike me as someone who is not doing anything interesting, you strike me as someone who is lonley. Maybe you could start with enrolling into a language course. This is also a practical advice, it's easier to learn languages conversing to other people than listening to tapes.

iusedtoknow

do you have any variation to the routine?

Would you forgo an evening drink with work mates or anything due to your routine?
Do you ever get the chance to practice your russian?

Are you happy with this way of life? If so...then no harm, however as mentioned above...there are ways to change things around a bit if you wanted to

Bafucin

LackofVariety wrote: »

Hi, I'm an early 20's guy working in an office job which finished up at about 6 pm everyday. Lately, I've been feeling pretty isolated and always have thoughts that everyone my age has a much more varied daily routine than myself after work. I don't have many friends and the mates I do have live too far to see them on a weekday. I also still live at home. This leads to loneliness. For example, Monday-Thursday my day invariably looks like this:

6.30 - Home from work, cook dinner
7.30 Teach myself a new language (Russian at the minute)
8.30 Practise guitar in my room
9.30 Shower followed by Reading or watching something funny
10.30 Meditate
11.00 bed.

Writing it down even makes me feel a bit sad because surely most people of my age see friends or do social activities after work. Am I overstating the excitement in other peoples lives or should I change things up a bit? Cheers for any advice.

Your hobbies sound a lot like mine. But I play with other people a lot. I also like to go outdoors on the weekends.

Try different instruments and jam with people. My family are musical so that helps.

I travel outside of Dublin for a change sometimes. Do what makes you happy not what makes you appear 'cool' those people are fakes anyway.

whirlpool

You have varied hobbies and interests. Is there any particular reason you haven't chosen to do them with others?

MugMugs

Why not take your Guitar to a local park and practice there. Never know who'll stop for a chat

turnikett1

I feel somewhat similar. I even have the exact same hobbies as you! I'm learning the accordion, meditate, read and learn languages in my spare time too

I work weekdays only and finish work at 5/5.30pm, and I'm usually home at about 6. I either cook dinner or my girlfriend has something cooked. I chat to my girlfriend for about half an hour or whatever then practise the accordion. I usually go for a walk either by myself or with her then and when I come back I either read/do languages or watch TV. I'm tired and want to go to bed by about 11. I know it sounds silly to other people but trying to do all these in the space of 5 hours can actually be kind of difficult. I've realized that if I want to socialize during the week then I just HAVE to not do some of my hobbies in the meantime. I might go 2 days without practising the accordion because I was at the cinema instead or went for 2 pints (obviously can't practise after 9 because the neighbours would go crazy! ) with mates instead.

It's just a matter of prioritizing I suppose. I went through a period where I practised my accordion for about 2-3 hours every day after work. I didn't socialize at all and although I got really good it ultimately proved useless because the week after I craved socializing and socialized instead and stopped practising (had overdone it) for a while and by the time I got back into the swing of it I had gotten rustier...

I'm trailing off here but basically what I'm saying is you have to adjust to how you feel at the time. When you come home from work and you want to go hang out with people maybe try putting that first instead of forcing yourself to practise guitar or read (not saying that you are, but I sometimes was). Like others have said, doing these hobbies in wider social setting is a good idea too. What I do at the moment is just wait until the weekend to get my socializing done but to be honest it's not really cutting it! Both me and my girlfriend are social people and need to get out a bit more often as opposed to just 2 days of the week.

I am not explaining myself very well and I am sorry but I DO know exactly what you mean. Want to do hobbies and develop myself but also feel like I'm not getting enough socializing done... I guess for me it's a choice of choosing one or the other at that time! Doesn't help that I've only recently moved to this city and so I feel kind of pressured to go out so I can make some friends.

Lou.m

Thing is you will never improve your hobbies unless you stick to him.

irish gent

Your still young don't get to down about it . life has its ups and downs.You are great to have some fantastic interests keep it up well done . type in meet ups on the net and there is a lot of groups your age .

LegacyUser

OP here again,

I genuinely enjoy the hobbies that I do - it's just the isolated aspect that gets to me. I suppose self-improvement is also a part of the motivation for doing my hobbies, but I don't see the problem in improving myself, especially via interests I find enjoyable. I don't stick to this schedule completely rigidly. For example I'm a football fan and will watch that if there's a game on that interests me during the week, usually watching with my dad.

I see friends at the weekend maybe one of the two days, usually two, but it's always late evening when I see them and invariably involves drinking. I guess the problem I was trying to convey was that most other people my age probably do something social during the week, or plenty of social things while I do everything alone. I'd like to add that i'm quite shy so maybe this is holding me back. In terms of the hobbies I do now - I'm not confident enough on guitar to play in a band and none of my mates are interested in musical instruments so that rules out making that social. Meditation I like to do before bed so again not much leeway there for a social aspect. I guess that leaves language. Would people recommend trying out joining a club like martial arts or something?

My main problem is loneliness I suppose but with the added issue of always comparing myself with some hypothetical person my age who is extremely socially active during the week. I'm also single so this doesn't help the loneliness aspect I guess!

Tokyo

LackofVariety wrote: »

i'm quite shy so maybe this is holding me back. In terms of the hobbies I do now - I'm not confident enough on guitar to play in a band and none of my mates are interested in musical instruments so that rules out making that social. Meditation I like to do before bed so again not much leeway there for a social aspect. I guess that leaves language.

Therein lies the problem more than anything else I think. As people have rightly pointed out before, you are far more interesting than you give yourself credit for, and a lot of the activities you already engage in can be done as part of a group. The guitar is an obvious one - it's not hard to get involved in a group that practices in a quiet pub once a week - and not only will you end up meeting new people with the same interests as you, it's a chance to expand and improve your repertoire. As for the language - have you thought of looking at the noticeboards of the nearby colleges or universities and seeing if anybody is interested in meeting up once a week to practice their language skills.

Of course starting a new activity as you suggested is also an option too, but either way, the big step you have to take is to put yourself out there a little. It doesn't have to be much to get the ball rolling...

LegacyUser

Just writing here again as this is still an issue for me. I can never quite work out what my issue is. I know it's a form of loneliness, and I need to be around people more. But this is because I have a picture in my head of someone my age (24) and that picture is of someone who sees people all the time during the week. I generally spend Saturday with friends and sometimes Friday too but I always feel there's no way that other people my age just come home from work and do hobbies in their house then go to bed. I also still live with my parents so maybe that is part of the problem. I really don't know, but it's frustrating

Sarratt501

"Friends" and "Sex and the City" and the likes have a lot to answer for, not all friends live in each other's pockets....life, in reality has spells where we have lots of times with friends and other times when you might go a couple of weekends without doing much. If you are meeting with friends every Saturday and sometimes Friday you are doing better than a lot of people! Try learn to appreciate both time with friends and down time on your own! It's ok not to have stuff to do 24/7 :-)

ongarboy

LackofVariety wrote: »

Just writing here again as this is still an issue for me. I can never quite work out what my issue is. I know it's a form of loneliness, and I need to be around people more. But this is because I have a picture in my head of someone my age (24) and that picture is of someone who sees people all the time during the week. I generally spend Saturday with friends and sometimes Friday too but I always feel there's no way that other people my age just come home from work and do hobbies in their house then go to bed. I also still live with my parents so maybe that is part of the problem. I really don't know, but it's frustrating

I think you need to change your perception as it is unnecessarily getting you down. Maybe you should try stepping out of your uncomfortable comfort zone for a 6 month experiment. Why not rent a room in a house share with other similar aged people so you get an insight on how other 20 somethings really live. You'll be surprised to know that most do not have hectic social lives every evening of the working week. Most just go home from work, cook something and turn on the TV, surf the net, play video games, read. You just don't see them posting these type of unexciting status updates on FB.

However the one Tuesday night in 4 months they happen to be at a comedy club, a cocktail lounge or a music gig with a few mates, they may post it to FB and then you can think, oh yeah, look at them, active social lives even during mid week. Most of us only post the highlights and aspects of our life we want to project positively on the likes of FB- it will not always be a reflection of how we live our usual lives on a daily basis. You spend weekends with friends - many people (as often posted here) don't even have that outlet. I think the picture you should occupy your head with is appreciating and celebrating what you have rather than what you don't have.

December2012

Ongarboy speaks the truth!

Quite simply OP - your friends that you see at the weekend - what do they do during the week?

Again most people do their basics Monday to Friday and then socialise at the weekend.