Help -urgent

LegacyUser

So as I sit here tuping this in the car I am a loss on what to do.
Been married just under 2 years I cheated on my then fiance and it made me feel like crap uet I carried on with my life with him.
Fast forward 4 years after the cheating and I finally confessed to him after finding out he had a string of internet flings and web sex with many women.
We got married a year and a bit after the xonfession having gone to therapy and me thinking he had forgiven me. The internet flings didn't stop and yesterday I found a video of him having sex with someone not sure before or after we got married (he says before)
I confronted him and he said he arranged ti have sex with this woman because he couldn't forhive me and that he laft the video in his computer for me to find so I would leave him because he could never leave me.
I left yesterday and stayed the night with friends and I came home today to find him drinking taking pills and sharpening knives so he could cut his wrists.
Every fibre of my being tells me to go back to him and forgive him but I know me I will not be able to let this go. I'm just after getting a call from him sayjng I could come back but I can't be with him any more but I don't want him to die. .. what can I do?
Please help!

Neyite

He is doing this for effect. And its causing you to reconsider leaving him.

It is not your fault and will never be your fault if another adult chooses to harm themselves.
Its a dysfunctional relationship that you are better off out of - both of you. And damaged beyond repair I'd say. What he is doing is classic emotional blackmail and you shouldnt get sucked back in.

Call a family member of his, explain you have left him, and that he is threatening to harm himself. Then let them take care of him whatever way they decide is the best course of action. Dont contact him or reply to messages. It seems harsh, but honestly, its probably an empty threat.

Magicmatilda

That sounds like an awfully dysfunctional relationship and it certainly is not love. People in love do not treat each other this way.

You can't go back. He will never forgive you and you may never forgive him.

I suggest you call a friend and arrange to stay a few days. Then bring someone with you to go back and collect your stuff. Start looking for a permanent place to stay - talk with as many friends and family as you can and get yourself into counselling.

If he makes any more threats to harm himself, call emergency services immediately. You are not responsibile if he harms himself.

LegacyUser

Thank you for your replies. I know I have to get out this is not how people treat each other. I'm home now and after an hour of him telling me how much he lives me and he will change I still want out. Not sure how I will do that because he refuses to give up

singledad80

I know its hard, but if some one is hurting them self or saying they kill them self if you leave that's abuse, he needs help but you cant put your self in danger , My advice is to explain to him he needs help and your not willing to work on anything till he makes a real effort to get help.

blatantrereg

Contact a doctor about having him committed - voluntarily or involuntarily. They can do both in an A&E department, so you could bring him to one if he will go. He probably would as part of the drama - just let him think it's for his physical injuries. People should risk consequences from this sort of emotional blackmail. Talking to a doctor about it is the responsible thing to do in any case: He is at risk of self-harm, he is harming you, he might have a mental disorder.

LegacyUser

The thing is he was saying that I had to live otherwise he wouldn't be able to do it. I eventually left we talked I said I need out and so does he because this is ahorrible relationdhip for both of us. He is going to go and I will be at home I need him not to have keys so I can have my space. He says he is determined to have me back and go to therapy and such. I will give myself until the end of the month but my mind is pretty made up. I will have no contact with him until I am ready and when things are calmer I will kindly let him know he needs to move on. It is the right thing to do.
I know he has depression it runs in the family and I have been asking him to get help for years to no avail. Told him he needs helo but that I can not give him to him and he needs to seek for this elsewhere but he refuses to listen to what I am telling him...

Tokyo

OP, please refrain from posting the same thing multiple times. As an anonymous poster, you have to allow time for your posts to be approved.

Thanks,
Mike

LegacyUser

Mod, apologies I am typing on my phone and I often get an error but now I know it actually submitted.

FurBabyMomma

You poor thing, what a horrible situation. I think that at this stage staying in such a dysfunctional relationship would be damaging to both of you. You say you're unhappy so what would you be trying to prove by staying? A man who cheats and then tries to emotionally blackmail you will end up destroying you.

LegacyUser

I just thought I'd give you a bit of an update.
So nothing is yet resolved as I had to be admitted into hospital and I am not sure when I will be released.
We've talked a few times and he has been talking to a psychiatrist which I had asked him to do numerous times in the past.
But at least we are now able to have an honest conversation about things, I have not yet made up my mind on what I want to happen from now on all I know is that I am sick and I need to get better first. He has offered to help while I recover but I was very clear that this does not mean everything has passed or that things are at all resolved, I just need to shift my priorities at the moment and I will be concentration on getting better after almost dying (I am not exaggerating here).
It will take a good while to get better and then I will make a decision.
Thank you for all your replies and support!