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this cant be normal

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  • 04-05-2014 8:29pm
    #1
    Mollyd90
    Registered Users Posts: 608 ✭✭✭


    my boyfriend for the last 10 years has gone away with friends for the last 3 weekends for his hobby. we are in our early 30s.

    3 weeks ago he was away cant even remember what it was that weekend, last weekend he was away Friday and Saturday night and Sunday we spent the day together at something to do with his hobby and called into shopping centre on the way back.

    this weekend this he went off again last night. we were due to go out tonight with another couple but they have cancelled. I was only going to go as they were going as we would be going to a pub that is 90% men. He has told me that he is still going out tonight ( he is not even home from being away last night) He usually only goes to either of 2 pubs which are 'old' men pubs and I will end up sitting in on my own again. I would be fairly dependent on him for socialising as I don't really have many friends and am quiet enough but I'm pretty independent and confident in every other way.

    we have numerous arguments over this and will have another tonight. His side of the argument is that I never go anywhere with him with my side being that we only go to 'men' pubs while his hobby doesn't really interest me. I do go the odd time.

    this cant be a normal relationship. right now I feel so taken for granted and fed up of sitting in every weekend


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    #2
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    I'm sorry but you are really gong to have to help yourself out of this situation.

    Granted he is going out a lot without you but it wouldn't bother you so much if you had an active and fulfilling social life yourself. You really need to start concentrating on forging other rewarding and fun interpersonal relationships outside of this one, it will enrich your life as well as being more attractive to your partner, I should imagine he feels very stifled by you if you're sitting in by yourself because he is involved in other activities.

    Put your energies into making new friends and then you'll value your couple time together even more.


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    #3
    Bafucin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 642 ✭✭✭Bafucin


    What's the hobby?

    I would say he is not investing in the relationship and is taking you for granted. Relationships need time from both parties. He is supposed to spend some couple time with you.

    I would say yes you also need to concentrate on your social life. But you have a right to expect him to invest in your relationship.


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    #4
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    It could be that both of you are at fault here. What's his hobby? Is it something that takes up a lot of his time for short intense periods of time? Or an ongoing thing that he's now choosing to spend more time with? If he starts spending every weekend at it then you could have a point.

    On the other hand, it's not healthy that you are so dependent on him for a social life of your own. Perhaps he feels stifled and needs to get away. Without knowing more, it's hard to say for sure.


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