Are school staff obliged to talk to parents?

bobbyss

On a school trip to local swimming pool a student behaved inappropriately.
Staff member who accompanied later informed principal in detail about the incident.

Principal telephones father to let him know about this incident, and appropriate sanction, and the parent wants to speak to the staff member who was was there.

Staff member stance: I do not want to explain/talk to parent. This is my right. I have explained in detail everything to Principal already and I feel I do not need to repeat everything again to him.

(Perhaps the staff member may feel the parent is a bully who is very difficult to deal with and would feel threatened perhaps by talking to him.I don't know. )

Perhaps she feels that a conversation with this parent may lead to her feeling bullied by this parent and that the conversation with him would turn into her, under pressure from him, in her having to justify herself in reporting this incident as oppossed to simply describing the incident.

Or simply does not feel she should have to, as stated above, explain to parent when all the details have already been explained in full to the Principal.

In this situation is the staff member within her rights not to speak to him?
What are her rights here?

Many thanks in advance to any contributions

Cymini Sectores

Staff is an agent of the school in which Principal is head. It is right that the Principal should represent the school in this matter.

However it is understandable that a parent would like to speak to this particular staff as the latter was there when incident happened.

If the parent insists and the situation is serious, an independent mediator would be best to prevent a confrontation.

bobbyss

Cymini Sectores wrote: »

Staff is an agent of the school in which Principal is head. It is right that the Principal should represent the school in this matter.

However it is understandable that a parent would like to speak to this particular staff as the latter was there when incident happened.

If the parent insists and the situation is serious, an independent mediator would be best to prevent a confrontation.

Thanks for reply. It is a tricky situation and a grey area. The parent IS a bully and would try and intimidate staff member into changing her mind about the facts.

Unfortunately, you can not say to parent 'she does not want to talk to you because you are a bully and a thug.' Your instinct is to protect staff member but only if it is protective of both parties rights.

TheDriver

they don't have to, principal is contact or even YH. Mostly when this is asked, its because the parent wants to "interview" the teacher and basically cast doubt on the episode, its the 1st step in ensuring that johnny couldn't do any wrong

bobbyss

TheDriver wrote: »

they don't have to, principal is contact or even YH. Mostly when this is asked, its because the parent wants to "interview" the teacher and basically cast doubt on the episode, its the 1st step in ensuring that johnny couldn't do any wrong

'Interview' is spot on. I was looking for that word. Put her under pressure. Deny the truth and lie. Intimidate her. Shout at her.

However you said staff don't have to. Parent would demand to know why he could not talk to her. What is the source of your opinion? Is it written down anywhere?

(Excuse my ignorance but what does YH mean?)

Greenmachine

bobbyss wrote: »

'Interview' is spot on. I was looking for that word. Put her under pressure. Deny the truth and lie. Intimidate her. Shout at her.

However you said staff don't have to. Parent would demand to know why he could not talk to her. What is the source of your opinion? Is it written down anywhere?

(Excuse my ignorance but what does YH mean?)

Interesting question tbh. Agree that it is better for the principal to deal with a matter like this, if the teacher is unwilling to deal with the parent.

seavill

YH = Year head

bobbyss

seavill wrote: »

YH = Year head

Of course!

TheDriver

Staff are generally unavailable if this situation can be foreseen. T

evolving_doors

I think the teacher was fairly astute enough to know what to do. They stated the facts as they saw them to the principal, nothing more, nothing less. If the parent wants to 'interview' or 'question' then the teacher is under no obligation whatsoever to be 'interviewed' by a member of the public. If some joe sent any other person a letter saying they wanted to 'question' them ,are they under any obligation?

On the other hand though (just playing devil's advocate!!) ... leaving aside the unproven claim that the parent IS a bully.. Say if I were the parent of that kid who was having accusations levelled against them, If the student was admitting to everything then well and good, but, if the student starts to claim a totally different story ( "I was only...." you know the usual!!) and the parent starts to have doubts about the claims then would it be so bad to have things cleared up?
I'd still agree that there is no 'obligation' but maybe if the parent wished to put their concerns or 'queries' in writing then it might allay the teacher's suspicions of entering into an interrogation type scenario. Although I think the principal is well within their remit to say "I have the fullest confidence that what my teacher claims is correct " and they can take the matter to court if they wish to go that route...

bobbyss

Armelodie wrote: »

I think the teacher was fairly astute enough to know what to do. They stated the facts as they saw them to the principal, nothing more, nothing less. If the parent wants to 'interview' or 'question' then the teacher is under no obligation whatsoever to be 'interviewed' by a member of the public. If some joe sent any other person a letter saying they wanted to 'question' them ,are they under any obligation?

On the other hand though (just playing devil's advocate!!) ... leaving aside the unproven claim that the parent IS a bully.. Say if I were the parent of that kid who was having accusations levelled against them, If the student was admitting to everything then well and good, but, if the student starts to claim a totally different story ( "I was only...." you know the usual!!) and the parent starts to have doubts about the claims then would it be so bad to have things cleared up?
I'd still agree that there is no 'obligation' but maybe if the parent wished to put their concerns or 'queries' in writing then it might allay the teacher's suspicions of entering into an interrogation type scenario. Although I think the principal is well within their remit to say "I have the fullest confidence that what my teacher claims is correct " and they can take the matter to court if they wish to go that route...

Thank you foe your reply. Firstly, the parent in question IS a thug, IS a bully, IS intimidating, IS threatening. He IS all of those things. The child (15) takes after the father in every way. The child WILL dispute everything. If child spat in front of you, he would say he did NOT. That is where it is at.

The staff are 100% correct in what they reported and 100% trustworthy as a professional in reporting it. No question of that. Parent is a troublemaker. I would very much like to know if there is any written rule about this ie staff not having to be 'interviewed' by such a parent leading to bullying etc. As regards staff member not being available. Yes, that is a tactic but would lead to 'when will she be available?' So it is not a solution.

You suggestion re putting it in a letter sounds reasonable but parent will say 'I can not write'.

However the adult here is a parent not just any member of the public.

evolving_doors

bobbyss wrote: »

Thank you foe your reply. Firstly, the parent in question IS a thug, IS a bully, IS intimidating, IS threatening. He IS all of those things. The child (15) takes after the father in every way. The child WILL dispute everything. If child spat in front of you, he would say he did NOT. That is where it is at.

The staff are 100% correct in what they reported and 100% trustworthy as a professional in reporting it. No question of that. Parent is a troublemaker. I would very much like to know if there is any written rule about this ie staff not having to be 'interviewed' by such a parent leading to bullying etc. As regards staff member not being available. Yes, that is a tactic but would lead to 'when will she be available?' So it is not a solution.

You suggestion re putting it in a letter sounds reasonable but parent will say 'I can not write'.

However the adult here is a parent not just any member of the public.

I hear exactly what you are saying.. However, the charge that the parent IS a trouble maker is a subjective value judgement by some people and it may well be so. Suppose for a moment the parent wasnt a trouble maker and the child wasnt either... and the child disagreed with the events, in this case the process afforded to the parents might be much different. So refusing any attempt at dialogue on the basis of ' past history' wouldn't be equitable (as annoying as that is to hear). If say the same child had had an accident in the school and the parent felt that the school was at fault... would a meeting be refused just as quick? I dont think so.
So in other words I don't think the school can just ' not engage' and hope itll go away (thats my own view though, Maybe they won't engage and it will go away but I think it won't be the last of the dealings with the parents/student.)

I still agree that the teacher should be left out of it at the moment and everything run through the principal. BTW the teacher could have been accused of being in neglect by other students parents if they had not acted too!

If the parent says they can't write then they can nominate someone they trust to write for them. There's ways around it but who knows what might happen at the next parent teacher meeting or school event if the parent feels they have been left hanging.

rainbowtrout

bobbyss wrote: »

Thank you foe your reply. Firstly, the parent in question IS a thug, IS a bully, IS intimidating, IS threatening. He IS all of those things. The child (15) takes after the father in every way. The child WILL dispute everything. If child spat in front of you, he would say he did NOT. That is where it is at.

The staff are 100% correct in what they reported and 100% trustworthy as a professional in reporting it. No question of that. Parent is a troublemaker. I would very much like to know if there is any written rule about this ie staff not having to be 'interviewed' by such a parent leading to bullying etc. As regards staff member not being available. Yes, that is a tactic but would lead to 'when will she be available?' So it is not a solution.

You suggestion re putting it in a letter sounds reasonable but parent will say 'I can not write'.

However the adult here is a parent not just any member of the public.

I've never heard of a rule where a teacher is obliged to talk to a parent under the circumstances you've described, but I would suggest that if the parent is insistent on meeting the teacher that the student's year head and principal be present at the meeting, on the basis that the matter is a disciplinary one, but also as witnesses to this parent's behaviour, and if the parent becomes threatening the meeting should be terminated until a time that they can address staff in a non threatening manner.

bobbyss

Armelodie wrote: »

I hear exactly what you are saying.. However, the charge that the parent IS a trouble maker is a subjective value judgement by some people and it may well be so. Suppose for a moment the parent wasnt a trouble maker and the child wasnt either... and the child disagreed with the events, in this case the process afforded to the parents might be much different. So refusing any attempt at dialogue on the basis of ' past history' wouldn't be equitable (as annoying as that is to hear). If say the same child had had an accident in the school and the parent felt that the school was at fault... would a meeting be refused just as quick? I dont think so.
So in other words I don't think the school can just ' not engage' and hope itll go away (thats my own view though, Maybe they won't engage and it will go away but I think it won't be the last of the dealings with the parents/student.)

I still agree that the teacher should be left out of it at the moment and everything run through the principal. BTW the teacher could have been accused of being in neglect by other students parents if they had not acted too!

If the parent says they can't write then they can nominate someone they trust to write for them. There's ways around it but who knows what might happen at the next parent teacher meeting or school event if the parent feels they have been left hanging.

Yes. I HATE to have to agree with you but as per one of my previous points I did say that the situation would have to be resolved and respecting the rights of both parties involved. School can not turn its back on parent.
If a meeting took place (with third parties present) parent could be told if teacher feels uncomfortable at any point (if he was beginning to bully her) the meeting will be cancelled.

Many people do not understand what bullying is. A sarcastic question, a sarcastic comment, a dismissive shrug of the shoulder of what he thinks is a trivial matter ('So what!! Did he clean it up? You are making a mountain out of a molehill' kind of attitude would be a typical response to his son spitting on the floor in a classroom)

I don't understand you comment about teacher in neglect.

seavill

bobbyss wrote: »

Yes. I HATE to have to agree with you but as per one of my previous points I did say that the situation would have to be resolved and respecting the rights of both parties involved. School can not turn its back on parent.
If a meeting took place (with third parties present) parent could be told if teacher feels uncomfortable at any point (if he was beginning to bully her) the meeting will be cancelled.

Many people do not understand what bullying is. A sarcastic question, a sarcastic comment, a dismissive shrug of the shoulder of what he thinks is a trivial matter ('So what!! Did he clean it up? You are making a mountain out of a molehill' kind of attitude would be a typical response to his son spitting on the floor in a classroom)

I don't understand you comment about teacher in neglect.

I'm a little lost by this thread to be honest.

In relation to the bit highlighted above, if your definition of bullying is a sarcastic question, a shrug of the shoulder then I certainly don't understand what bullying is as this certainly isn't my definition of it.

If this person is an intimidating character, and you would feel uncomfortable and under pressure meeting them on your own then that is understandable I think we have all had a parent or two over the years that come into this category.

Are you being asked to meet the parent on your own?
What has been said to you in relation to this, I have never met a principal that would insist that a teacher meet a parent on their own, I think they would all have been very open to allowing someone else attend had I requested it

Are you happy to meet the parent if someone else is present? If not why not?

Has there been an incident between you and this parent in the past that has lead you to have this opinion of the person?


I think its clear from the responses there doesn't seem to be any rule to say that you have to or you have the right not to meet a parent. I certainly have never heard of anything.

I think that the closest thing you will get si the code of conduct from our friends in the Teaching Council. Some examples are
"1.4. seek to develop positive relationships
with pupils/students, colleagues, parents,
school management and others in the
school community, that are characterised by
professional integrity and judgement"

3.6. communicate effectively with pupils/students,
colleagues, parents, school management and
others in the school community in a manner that
is professional, collaborative and supportive, and
based on trust and respect

6.2. work in a collaborative manner with
pupils/students, parents/guardians, school
management, other members of staff, relevant
professionals and the wider school community,
as appropriate, in seeking to effectively meet the
needs of pupils/students

Cymini Sectores

If this comes to court and the parent is counsel for his son, he will have the right to cross examine the teacher who is a witness of the incident and staff of the school. But surely this will be in a controlled environment, in the presence of a judge any attempt to bully a witness will not be tolerated.

bobbyss

seavill wrote: »

I'm a little lost by this thread to be honest.

In relation to the bit highlighted above, if your definition of bullying is a sarcastic question, a shrug of the shoulder then I certainly don't understand what bullying is as this certainly isn't my definition of it.

If this person is an intimidating character, and you would feel uncomfortable and under pressure meeting them on your own then that is understandable I think we have all had a parent or two over the years that come into this category.

Are you being asked to meet the parent on your own?
What has been said to you in relation to this, I have never met a principal that would insist that a teacher meet a parent on their own, I think they would all have been very open to allowing someone else attend had I requested it

Are you happy to meet the parent if someone else is present? If not why not?

Has there been an incident between you and this parent in the past that has lead you to have this opinion of the person?


I think its clear from the responses there doesn't seem to be any rule to say that you have to or you have the right not to meet a parent. I certainly have never heard of anything.

I think that the closest thing you will get si the code of conduct from our friends in the Teaching Council. Some examples are
"1.4. seek to develop positive relationships
with pupils/students, colleagues, parents,
school management and others in the
school community, that are characterised by
professional integrity and judgement"

3.6. communicate effectively with pupils/students,
colleagues, parents, school management and
others in the school community in a manner that
is professional, collaborative and supportive, and
based on trust and respect

6.2. work in a collaborative manner with
pupils/students, parents/guardians, school
management, other members of staff, relevant
professionals and the wider school community,
as appropriate, in seeking to effectively meet the
needs of pupils/students

Thanks for your response.

If the parent in the above example gave sarcastic, dismissive responses to belittle the teacher, I would consider that 100 % bullying.

I am not suggesting shrugging the shoulder is bullying but is a typical example of the body language of this person which says; This is no big deal.

I may not have made myself clear or you may have misunderstood, but teacher concerned is not being asked to meet parent alone.

When there is total hostility and non-acceptance of the truth by parents it makes it very difficult to foster positive r'ships as per TC extracts above.

Again , thanks for your response.

seavill

bobbyss wrote: »

Thanks for your response.

If the parent in the above example gave sarcastic, dismissive responses to belittle the teacher, I would consider that 100 % bullying.

I am not suggesting shrugging the shoulder is bullying but is a typical example of the body language of this person which says; This is no big deal.

I may not have made myself clear or you may have misunderstood, but teacher concerned is not being asked to meet parent alone.

When there is total hostility and non-acceptance of the truth by parents it makes it very difficult to foster positive r'ships as per TC extracts above.

Again , thanks for your response.

I would still have to disagree in relation to the bullying, intimidation yes but bullying no, but that's beside the point really so I'll leave that

I am not saying I agree or not with the TC guidelines am I merely suggesting that this may be the only place where you may find something written down on paper in relation to this. You certainly won't find it in your contract, apart from something like you must fulfill your duties as assigned by the school. I would imagine if push came to shove and the principal insisted as part of your job that you must meet them, then I would say that you would have little choice but that is only my opinion on that.

So are you willing to meet this parent in the presence of others as back up?

Has something happened in the past between you and this parent that could be used to suggest that a meeting between both parties may not be the most productive course of action?

It also has to be said that you have made very judgemental comments here about this person which I would suggest that you need to be careful in doing so. You need to stick to the facts of the case not opinion.

Also the final point I would make would be that although you may be presuming that the parent wants to "interview" and influence you in relation to the matter you don't know this for certain.
I had a case in the past invovling myself and a parnet. This parent knew everyone one of their "entitlements" due to their background, were quick to demand new books for their child when that child had thrown the others in the bin etc. etc. etc. Very quick to defend the child etc.
On this particular occasion as class tutor I had to call in the parents to meet the year head in relation to serious ongoing breaches of the discipline code of the school, however on this day the YH was out sick, the principal was at a conference and the VP had to deal with a serious incident. I ended up alone with the parents.
By the end of the conversation the child was in tears due to the anger of the parent for the incidents.
I was presuming I would be the one on trial as had happened in the past however on this occasion the parent wanted to know exactly what happened and when they found out they were furious at the child not me.

evolving_doors

Aye I think bullying must be a repeated action over a number of days, weeks etc... Otherwise it's ' just' intimidation.

I think the op shouldnt go into too much details about the past for the sake of their own anonymity. Suffice to say the teacher doesn't want to meet the parents.
It's an interesting question though but I would imagine the only possible trouble for the teacher in refusing to meet, would be if the principal/bom offered them no choice I.e. either meet the parents or collect your p45 ...this is probably the most extreme outcome and even then the school would be on shakey ground.
The only other retribution might occur if parents took school to court and even then it would be the school in the dock and not the teacher.
Also theres the teaching council complaints avenue with their wishy washy code of conduct... I dont think the parent would go down that route either.
Probably in the above scenarios it would end up being the procedures in reporting and the school's subsequent actions that would be challanged in a case more so than the actual teachers role in reporting the incident, or refusing to meet the parent (on the grounds of health and safety is usually a good one if there is a prior record of incidences with parent).

Thats my thinking of how it could play out but I ain't got no legal background..apart from what I see on telly and read in the papers!

seavill

Just to be clear I'm not asking for any details on anything I just asked a question which does relate back to the first few posts. The op has made some very string statements in relation to the parent. It is relevant to advice given in this situation to know if there has been an incident in the part or these comments were based on word of mouth from other teachers

TheDriver

if I ever have to meet a parent like this, I start writing everything they say and ensure they repeat it. They slowly realise what they are saying is being taken as fact and mostly back down. Especially if the student is there to confirm the story....

bobbyss

Interesting replies and thanks for same.

I am not a party to this incident.

It is difficult to get across meaning in this media but this is a typical exchange over phone I am told:

School: Mr Murphy I need to talk to you about an incident in the school today. A teacher saw Johnny spitting on the floor in class. Johnny said someone else did that and has told the teacher the school had cleaners to clean it up anyway.

He is also farting deliberately in class and laughing about it. We need to talk about these things.

Mr Murphy: WHAT did you accuse my son of doing? WHO said he spat on the floor? I want to speak to the person who has accused my son of spitting. Even if he did, what are you making a big deal out of this for. What's wrong with farting? Have you ever farted? It's a natural thing.


Yes. It is a strange world all right.

seavill

Is the person willing to meet with the principal in attendance ?

bobbyss

seavill wrote: »

Is the person willing to meet with the principal in attendance ?

Yes Principal is and parent is very willing to come into school and take up half the day in the office to talk and talk (and talk) . He has done this before.

The parent is standing up for his son of course. He would want an apology from teacher for accusing his son of spitting in class. He would argue that what cleaners are for.

The problem here, of course, is one of a basic lack of respect by the parent (never mind the son). The parent is the problem. He is a bad parent who allows his son to lie, to condone the son for saying the school has cleaners to clean up, for saying to principal have you ever farted etc etc.


How do you say to a parent: 'Do you not understand the difference between right and wrong?

Do parents today think teachers have nothing better to do than go and fabricate stuff? Lie? Why would some parents hold this view?

As a previous poster said, it seems many of those parents who are super aware of their entitlements are very quick not to take responsibility for children's actions.

seavill

bobbyss wrote: »

Yes Principal is and parent is very willing to come into school and take up half the day in the office to talk and talk (and talk) . He has done this before.

The parent is standing up for his son of course. He would want an apology from teacher for accusing his son of spitting in class. He would argue that what cleaners are for.

The problem here, of course, is one of a basic lack of respect by the parent (never mind the son). The parent is the problem. He is a bad parent who allows his son to lie, to condone the son for saying the school has cleaners to clean up, for saying to principal have you ever farted etc etc.


How do you say to a parent: 'Do you not understand the difference between right and wrong?

Do parents today think teachers have nothing better to do than go and fabricate stuff? Lie? Why would some parents hold this view?

As a previous poster said, it seems many of those parents who are super aware of their entitlements are very quick not to take responsibility for children's actions.

Sorry I meant to say is the teacher willing to meet the parent with the principal present?

Santa Cruz

rainbowtrout wrote: »

I've never heard of a rule where a teacher is obliged to talk to a parent under the circumstances you've described, but I would suggest that if the parent is insistent on meeting the teacher that the student's year head and principal be present at the meeting, on the basis that the matter is a disciplinary one, but also as witnesses to this parent's behaviour, and if the parent becomes threatening the meeting should be terminated until a time that they can address staff in a non threatening manner.

A very sensible solution. No teacher should be put in to a position where they can be intimidated by a parent. A school policy which outlines procedures to be followed in this type of situation would be helpful

Santa Cruz

seavill wrote: »

I would still have to disagree in relation to the bullying, intimidation yes but bullying no, but that's beside the point really so I'll leave that

I am not saying I agree or not with the TC guidelines am I merely suggesting that this may be the only place where you may find something written down on paper in relation to this. You certainly won't find it in your contract, apart from something like you must fulfill your duties as assigned by the school. I would imagine if push came to shove and the principal insisted as part of your job that you must meet them, then I would say that you would have little choice but that is only my opinion on that.

So are you willing to meet this parent in the presence of others as back up?

Has something happened in the past between you and this parent that could be used to suggest that a meeting between both parties may not be the most productive course of action?

It also has to be said that you have made very judgemental comments here about this person which I would suggest that you need to be careful in doing so. You need to stick to the facts of the case not opinion.

Also the final point I would make would be that although you may be presuming that the parent wants to "interview" and influence you in relation to the matter you don't know this for certain.
I had a case in the past invovling myself and a parnet. This parent knew everyone one of their "entitlements" due to their background, were quick to demand new books for their child when that child had thrown the others in the bin etc. etc. etc. Very quick to defend the child etc.
On this particular occasion as class tutor I had to call in the parents to meet the year head in relation to serious ongoing breaches of the discipline code of the school, however on this day the YH was out sick, the principal was at a conference and the VP had to deal with a serious incident. I ended up alone with the parents.
By the end of the conversation the child was in tears due to the anger of the parent for the incidents.
I was presuming I would be the one on trial as had happened in the past however on this occasion the parent wanted to know exactly what happened and when they found out they were furious at the child not me.

Once you realised that you were meeting them alone you should have postponed the meeting. Have a procedure policy and stick to it

seavill

Santa Cruz wrote: »

Once you realised that you were meeting them alone you should have postponed the meeting. Have a procedure policy and stick to it

There was no policy, however I was willing to meet them on my own. I had all my facts, dates times etc. for everything.
I had no problem meeting them, different to this situation but that misses the point of my story, the point was although everyone presumed the reason they were in was to attack the school they listened and in the end agreed with the school (to everyones surprise)

bobbyss

seavill wrote: »

Sorry I meant to say is the teacher willing to meet the parent with the principal present?

Yes. (And both teacher and principal would be braced for what follows)

The parent would want the son present also and would refuse to go if he were not allowed to.

The simple solution is to have an exact procedure that schools can follow. The policy has to be fair and legal respecting everybodys rights. My instinct tells me to go ahead with meetings and cancel / disband it as soon as any intimidation (shouting/ranting in Principal's office with students within earshot) surfaces and to tell the parent this behaviour will not be accepted and to leave premises immediately.

However,at the end of the day I find it hard to envisage a situation where you could exclude parent from meeting a relevant staff member no matter how obnoxious parent is.

seavill

What you are presuming will happen - there is a difference.

As outlined in my incident you don't know what will actually happen until you go in there.

The point is the teacher and principal need to agree that if the meeting goes off track then it is over.

Other than that you have no idea what will actually happen until you go in and see. (although you may be correct it is still an unknown)

byhookorbycrook

I would have the meeting, have the principal and a scribe present to record every word as well(people can suddenly get a lot less aggressive if they realize every word is being noted.)I would not allow the student to attend the meeting and I certainly wouldn't be apologizing for something you did not do. I would write an account of what happened (parent will be entitled to look for this so be sure it is strictly factual, no opinions etc. I would then read this aloud and say NOTHING else.

If the meeting does not satisfy the parent, let them take it before the board.

bobbyss

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

I would have the meeting, have the principal and a scribe present to record every word as well(people can suddenly get a lot less aggressive if they realize every word is being noted.)I would not allow the student to attend the meeting and I certainly wouldn't be apologizing for something you did not do. I would write an account of what happened (parent will be entitled to look for this so be sure it is strictly factual, no opinions etc. I would then read this aloud and say NOTHING else.

If the meeting does not satisfy the parent, let them take it before the board.

The type of parent I am talking about (and I am sure many others have similar ones) would not give a monkeys if anyone was scribing away. It would make no difference to behaviour of parent.

Why would you not allow the student to be present?

byhookorbycrook

Perhaps at the end, but if the parent is going to blatantly disrespect the teacher, I'd prefer not to have the student present. As to the power of notes, you'd be surprised, if it was put to the parent that the notes might be needed to bring it further, they might be a lot less rude and disingenuous.

bobbyss

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Perhaps at the end, but if the parent is going to blatantly disrespect the teacher, I'd prefer not to have the student present. As to the power of notes, you'd be surprised, if it was put to the parent that the notes might be needed to bring it further, they might be a lot less rude and disingenuous.

Thanks for reply.

The parent would insist on the student being present.
It would not matter to parent if he was rude in presence of anybody (student, teacher, principal, SNA - anybody)

doubleglaze

In the circumstances, I would not consent to any such meeting. Let the principal be the buffer between this unreasonable parent and yourself.

I wouldn't totally rule out a quick phone call from yourself to the parent, but I'd avoid a waste of time potentially confrontational face-to-face meeting.

Perhaps the teacher should ring his or her union about it.

bobbyss

doubleglaze wrote: »

In the circumstances, I would not consent to any such meeting. Let the principal be the buffer between this unreasonable parent and yourself.

I wouldn't totally rule out a quick phone call from yourself to the parent, but I'd avoid a waste of time potentially confrontational face-to-face meeting.

Perhaps the teacher should ring his or her union about it.

It is a difficult situation. An unbelievable thug of a parent, quick to assert his rights, quick to disrespect you: 'Whats wrong with farting? Don't you do that yourself? ' kind of attitude. Yet this must be balanced with his and his child's rights. I feel advice to him prior to any meeting that a certain level of polite discourse must be maintained otherwise , as staff have a right to be treated to respect , the meeting will be cancelled.

No Pants

It's very important that if the teacher becomes uncomfortable, the principal doesn't mention it if ending the meeting. That's a concession of power.

As for the farting comments, I'd struggle to dignify it with a response. Maybe something like "Not in polite company", but that might be like a red rag to a bull.

RealJohn

I would say that while the teacher might not be obliged to speak to the parent, not doing so is likely to convince the parent that the teacher has something to hide and will either continue to cause trouble for both the principal and teacher or possibly take it further and get solicitors involved.

I think the best way to deal with this is to meet with the parent, both with and without the student (just the parent initially and then the student can be brought in to discuss what's been said and the implications of it). I think that the teacher should get a copy of whatever the principal has in writing and stick rigidly to that version of events (which I assume to be the truth). The parent, if he's as confrontational as is being made out, is no doubt going to be annoyed by this and will insist that the teacher explains it in their own words, something the teacher can legitimately refuse to do on the grounds that the report is based on the facts at the time and is going to be more accurate than anything said later.

The teacher should make their concerns over the potential aggressive behaviour of the parent clear and express their intention to walk out on the first time of any attempt to intimidate on the parent's behalf. If the principal doesn't agree to that then the teacher should get on to the union rep immediately and discuss the options.

Avoiding the parent is only likely to cause more trouble but if the meeting is properly managed, it should work out best for all concerned.

evolving_doors

What is the purpose of the meeting anyway?
The parent should be under no illusions that their son will be reprimanded in any event, it's not open for negotiation. Any form of climb down would be a slight on the teacher... They followed the procedure and the school acted accordingly, what could a person who wasnt there add to the situation?
Be very clear on why the meeting is being called, if you are going in still wondering then you are at a disadvantage from the get go.

Dare I suggest an impartial arbitrator ...like a priest!

teacherhead

Let them appeal the decision of the principal to the BOM, otherwise let them go on with themselves.

Reminds me of the parent who appealed a three day suspension already served. Christ above, the more time you give to this the more it will wear you out.

mufflets2

teacherhead wrote: »

Let them appeal the decision of the principal to the BOM, otherwise let them go on with themselves.

Reminds me of the parent who appealed a three day suspension already served. Christ above, the more time you give to this the more it will wear you out.

My thoughts exactly
leave it to the principal, Let the Parent take out of it whatever he likes, you have other things to be concerned about you have done your job and do not put yourself under any pressure because of some idiot.
Letters and email correspondence are good, if you like tell the parent you will answer queries in writing or wait till parent-teacher meeting day.

school is not a place for power/mind games , move on.
The only person you have to answer to is the principal.

I certainly would not be going to any meetings under the circumstances you have described.

Its not your problem , let them whistle.