Workplace Bullying - Being told not to accept job

witchmaiden

I'm in a profession that I work as a permanent job, but I also do contract work for other companies. For the past two contacts I have worked with a colleague and [now former] friend who is my superior, but has resorted to bullying and is trying to convince me to discontinue working in the position that I am in. Bear in mind, this is not this person's permanent job, she is unemployed except contract work. She is much older than me.

During our first contract working as a team, we worked great together. During the following job, however, she seemed to turn on me. She claims that I had a lack of productivity - whilst I acknowledge that I had poor work performance, it was as a result of the fear this woman makes me feel. Prior to my decline in work performance, there was a point where she seemed to take offence to the praise I would receive from Senior Management. I think this is all jealousy based, and that's when her behavior towards me changed.

She has what I would describe as Inferno levels of pride, and tends to spend her work days criticizing how stupid everyone else is (not to their faces), talking about all topics as if only she is knowledgeable about them, and sitting at her computer losing her temper and slamming her fists and her mouse off the desk, as if everything is a deliberate injury to her. She talks about all other departments as if they are the enemy of our department, out to hurt us.

She made my life hell for the rest of the job. When I was out sick for a week with a bad flu, she called me to tell me if I didn't come back to work I would be fired. Every time I opened my mouth she would shriek at me and tell me I was wrong. She convinced me that I knew nothing about a job I have been doing for 7 years. Everything I did was wrong, and she would lose it constantly. I could not complete tasks, or would end up just not doing tasks because I was afraid of her reactions. If I wanted to run something by her to make sure I was doing it the way she wanted it done, she would get angry at me for not knowing, or treat me like an idiot for asking stupid questions. I was living in absolute fear. I used to cry in the shower every morning and end up late for work trying to calm myself down and psych myself up for the day. I sought advice from an outside HR representative just to give me some way of dealing with the rest of the job. I thought things had improved but I was wrong.

One of the companies we worked for has offered us both the same positions again. Again, the Senior Management of the company are very fond of me and really want me to accept the job. She has already accepted her position, but called a meeting with me one day to tell me I wasn't good enough for the position I have been offered, and that I should consider not taking it, or being demoted. I told her how I felt about how I had been treated on the last job. I also said she had no right to retract a job offer that someone else had offered. That was more than a month ago and we haven't spoken since. Yesterday I had a meeting with Senior Management, and without mentioning anything about the situation (which is awful because I feel silenced), I have bought some time to decide whether or not I want to accept the position. She must have heard about it because today she sent me a text asking me if I have given any more though to accepting a demoted position.

I do not want to quit what I am doing, but I feel sick at the notion of working with with this person.

Mrs OBumble

So don't accept the job, then - just stay in your current permanent job!

If senior management at the contract place really are fond of you, then let them know on the quiet why you've not accepted.

TBH, you should not have accepted this woman's behaviour before: if you and she were employees on fixed term contracts (ie not real contractors) then you should have reported her behaviour toward you to management and given them the opportunity to deal with it.

blindsider

As ever, very sound advice from Mrs O.

Being assertive is about acknowledging that you have the right to have your opinions heard and considered. If you allow people to dismiss you, your opinions and ideas, you're storing hurt for yourself.

I'm not suggesting that this is easy, but you really should be doing it. Sometimes it takes practise - even role-plays - to get used to the idea of saying "Actually, no. Please wait unitl I've finished speaking. I disagree with what you're saying, because..."

OR "Please don't speak to me like that again." Etc Etc



Briefly, snr management have offered you contract, but your nemesis says you're not good enough for it. Did you discuss this with snr management? Did they ask her for this input? Is it part of her remit?

You could be blunt and say to management that you'd like the job, but find her difficult to work with. Do they have any standalone projects for you?

If not, as Mrs O says, don't take it - why put yourself in a position to be miserable - YOLO!

At a very large risk of sounding patronising*..... don't let other people's actions affect your work performance - you're better than that!


*Apologies for being patronising - but I'm going to post it anyway!