Old/Faded self harm scars

Jabberwocky_I

I have scars all over my body due to self harming when I was younger. They are as faded as they're going to get - the scars on exposed parts of my body (my arm for instance) are now white but it is quite clear that they were self inflicted. It was a response to a traumatic event and the only way I knew how to cope at the time. I'm very ashamed of the scars now. It is one of the biggest regrets I have in my life.

I do not mind wearing short sleeves around family and close friends as they know me and my story so I guess I don't feel the same level of judgement from say an acquaintance seeing them. As I relocated earlier this year, I'm not around people who know me as well as family and closer friends do.

I've found myself in a bit of a flap of late. I wear long sleeves every day and make sure my scars remain covered as I'm so ashamed about them and really worry about being judged about them. I worry that if people who I've got to know over the past number of months saw them, it would change how they see me. As the weather is getting nicer, it's getting harder to cover up. There's been a few days recently where I've been dying to take my cardigan off/wear short sleeves as it's been so warm out. Covering up in such heat is just uncomfortable.

Anyway, it's really getting me down at the moment. I even considered getting a tattoo in an attempt to conceal them in some way - I'd have to get a ridiculously big one though to cover them and that's just not my style not to mention that I'd be getting one out of desperation as opposed to really wanting one. This seems pretty foolish.

I suppose I'm looking for some sort of feedback from people. Would you find seeing someone's self harm scars unsettling? Would it change the way you look at someone in your life? Do you think they should be kept covered or do you think it matters?

lollsangel

Probably most ppl wont notice unless you point them out. I have scars I thouggt very visible but most ppl never realise theyre there. My brother accidentally chopped off half his finger and as obvious as that might seem, not many notice.

most ppl wouldnt care either really, ok if they notice, they may ask what happened, be honest, I mean weve all gone through bad times, and we all cope differently.

Obliq

How about trying a light tanning moisturiser to blend them in a bit OP? Like "Johnson's Holiday Skin" or something? I think Vaseline do one as well. I used it on my legs before going to Australia last year and it brilliantly blended in my old scars and blotchy purpleness! Very cheap, only have to do it every few weeks, but make sure you get the right one for your skin tone - fair to medium is best if you don't usually pick up a tan, and it's a really light effect. Smells a bit for the first day though....

Edit: Damn, never answered your question though. Nope, the scars wouldn't bother me to look at at all, and I wouldn't pass comment or make anything of it in my head if I spotted them, but I can see how they might bother me if I had them myself.

Gatling

Have you looked into tattoos at all ,depending on the type of scars you could have tattoos done to cover them up ,
It's getting fairly common now actually

Jabberwocky_I

Unfortunately, tan doesn't have any effect. The scars are actually more noticeable when I wear fake tan or even if I get a natural colour.
I've bought special camouflage makeup including Dermablend but it makes hardly any difference at all.
Gatling - I mentioned my consideration of the tattoo in my original post.

A few years ago, I met with a cosmetic surgeon to see if there was anything they could do. They didn't think they were bad enough to warrant a skin graph and said I'd just be left with new scars after that anyway.

I've tried a lot of things over the years...

ElleEm

Personally, I wouldn't find the scars unsettling. If they were fresh and new, I would feel concern, but as you said, they are old, so I would consider them to be unfortunate personal memories for the owner then not give them another thought. I think a lot of people know someone who has struggled (with various types) of self injury, so they may be more sympathetic than you think.

LegacyUser

I doubt anybody would think differently of you. For all you know, they could have done the same, or known somebody who did. More people have selfharmed than you would think. It's unlikely that anybody will ever notice. I have a white scar left on my face from a childhood accident (about an inch in length) and people can never spot it. I have to point it out if it comes up in conversation, and like c'mon, it's on my face!

There is a cream that you can buy to make scars fade. I'm not sure if it will help you at this stage or the name of it, but I was given it when I was younger. I also can't vouch for it as I was 7 and only put it on for a few days! I do remember that we got it in Boots though!

Vision of Disorder

Jabberwocky_I wrote: »

Would you find seeing someone's self harm scars unsettling? Would it change the way you look at someone in your life? Do you think they should be kept covered or do you think it matters?

A friend of mine wears a wristband all the time to cover up the job he did on his wrist during a suicide attempt. Honestly, I notice it quite often but I know it's there anyway so that may play a part. Every time I see it I'm reminded of why it's there.

The important thing though is that it doesn't unsettle me at all and it doesn't change how I feel about the guy. He's my friend and the fact that he has gone through some rough days in his life has no bearing on the wonderfully genuine and considerate person he is.

It probably does matter to some people but they're the kind of people whose opinions you shouldn't be overly concerned with anyway. Don't be ashamed of the fact that you've emerged from dark times, your past is the past now and shouldn't be of major significance to people anyway even overlooking the fact that it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Merkin

Have you explored the option of laser treatment? I think it covers everything from thread veins and small scars to more severe burn scars and port wine stains. Why don't you book in for a free consultation with a laser clinic and see what they recommend?

GirlatdRockShow

Have you tried arnica cream? Both my sister and I had two very bad scars, a couple of weeks of arnica and they were gone, no sign of them now!

Windorah

I was actually in a restaurant recently and the waitress serving us had visible scars on both arms. It did make me stop and think for a second but honestly I had the height of respect for that woman. She had obviously been through a lot and come out the other side and wasn't ashamed:)

Incidentally my boyfriend didn't even notice. Or maybe he did but didn't think to mention it!

LifesgoodwithLG

Hi there, I too have scars from half a lifetime ago. I certainly amnt' proud of them but I am proud of how far that I have come and sometimes look at them knowing that I am never ever ever going back to them. ps Tanning products definitely will not help.

OP as some people have commented, if I seen them and they were brand new I would be concerned and also disturbed, HOWEVER, if I seen them as old and faded then I would give you a little smile and send you the very best wishes. Don't be so hard on yourself and think of them as your Tiger Stripes / Battle Scars.

All the very best, LG,

Jabberwocky_I

Thank you all for the kind and helpful words :-)

LifesgoodwithLG

It's not an easy thing OP however we can't change our past however we can learn from it. I am in my mid 30s now and had bulimia in my teens and have chronic reflux now despite that bring 2 decades before. Sometimes life sucks and bad habits follow you through your life. As I said I have some 'tiger stripes' on my wrists. Heah it ain't easy but it's in your past and you have your present and future ahead , don't let the past hold you back you are stronger because of it. If I can do it then so can you. Do what you think is right but never be ashamed and be proud of how far you have travelled.

happyviolet

I havent tried this myself but i heard it is meant to be good:

http://www.boots.com/en/Remescar-Silicone-Scar-Stick-5-4g_1445604/

Jabberwocky_I

Thank you! I think these creams/gels are pretty useful on healing scars, but they do little for already healed scars. Mine are years old so I've been told by the surgeon I had a consult with that they won't do much.

Having thought about the responses on this thread, I've come to realise that it's more important that I come to terms with the scars and try to move past feeling so ashamed. They're not going anywhere unless I opt to have them covered/incorporated into a tattoo.
For the time being, I'm going to work on accepting myself as I am. Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I appreciate it :-)

zef

Hi op,
I have scars from my teens/twenties and they are faded and white. I used rosehip oil and bio oil on them at one stage, but really can't say if it made any difference. My left wrist is the worst , 8 inches of scarring from wrist to halfway to elbow. but you'd ony see it in a certain light, of you get me. I tried concealers- came off on tablecloths/ my clothes- not a good choice for me!
As people have said, it's an illness and you are over it now and anyone who judges isn't worth being friends with anyhow. Don't be ashamed. A friend has much worse scarring than I, incl a skin graft that looks not much better than the original, and when we went swimming some litte kid asked her what happened her arms. She told him it was a tiger! It was a big deal for her to go swimming, and am proud of her for that. Best wishes.