So nice to me, then nothing??

LegacyUser

Hi,

Context, this all took place in a very small rural town near me, where everyone knows everyone!

On a night out recently, when I walked into the pub (sober no drink taken), I noticed in the corner of my eye this guy checking me out, but I didn't pass any heed. I was in the company of family members. Next thing, this same guy walks up, compliments me and asks my family members if he could chat to me. I don't know this guy personally, we had never met before (I would have been away for a good few years, rarely out in this town), but I know who his family are and he knows my family to see.

He said he would like to get my number and we could go for a drink sometime, if I wanted,
He got my number straight away and we spent the next two hours chatting and bought me drink,I also bought him drink back.

I was so impressed by his direct approach, why not take a chance and chat to him and get to know him?

Himself and his friend were moving onto another pub and he asked me if I would be interested in joining them.

I thought, why not!

I spent a lovely few hours with him in the pub, the conversation was easy. He mentioned that he had been drinking since early that day, (sunday session kind of thing), but he did not appear to be drunk and was very coherent. He was very honest and such a lovely guy to chat to.

He was saying such nice things to me, that I was very pretty but also a very nice person, he said its hard to find the two!

We kissed also.

He said that we should meet up the next day and go for dinner or something.

When I wanted to leave the pub and go home, he was such a gent and made sure to get me a taxi and paid for my taxi home, (He paid the taxi driver while I was getting into the taxi, I said there was no need, that I would pay, but he insisted). I went home to my parents house, as it was nearer.

My battery was going dead, my charger was back in my own house, which is in a another town. He text me not long after I left in the taxi, saying he liked me, I text back saying I enjoyed the night etc, and that my battery was going to die, but I would text him the next day when I got back to my own house and got my charger.

Next day, when I got back home and phone was charged I text him, asking how he was and in reference to him saying that we should do something the night before, I told him I would be around tomorrow or later in the week if he wanted to meet up.

No word from him for two days...when he did text he said he left his phone behind in the pub and just got it that evening.

We text during the week, he finally mentioned meeting up, I had stuff on for fri and sat, but said I could do sun.

He agreed to sun.

I haven't heard from him since.

He wasn't trying to sleep with me that night, so its not as is he is an obvious player and was trying to talk me into bed that night, but why did he say such nice things, is it a case of him drinking all day, (but he really did not appear to be drunk, I met him when I was sober and I only had a few drinks that night)

I really did like him, why be such a sweetie all night and then go cold??

Maybe he was drunker than I thought, perhaps he really doesn't remember much of the night or me?

zoobizoo

Alcohol?

Brave when tipsy and then turns cowardly? Welcome to Ireland.

I see it happen with guys who are friendly one night and then barely speak to you the next day. . . and I'm talking as a straight guy who has seen this happen when I was travelling and I'd bump into Irish lads.

They're out for the night and a bit pissed up and chatty - everyone is their friend. They sober up the next day and they won;t engage due to shyness, a lack of confidence or just ignorance... who knows?

No reflection on you though.

Lou.m

reallylikethisguy wrote: »

Hi,

Context, this all took place in a very small rural town near me, where everyone knows everyone!

On a night out recently, when I walked into the pub (sober no drink taken), I noticed in the corner of my eye this guy checking me out, but I didn't pass any heed. I was in the company of family members. Next thing, this same guy walks up, compliments me and asks my family members if he could chat to me. I don't know this guy personally, we had never met before (I would have been away for a good few years, rarely out in this town), but I know who his family are and he knows my family to see.

He said he would like to get my number and we could go for a drink sometime, if I wanted,
He got my number straight away and we spent the next two hours chatting and bought me drink,I also bought him drink back.

I was so impressed by his direct approach, why not take a chance and chat to him and get to know him?

Himself and his friend were moving onto another pub and he asked me if I would be interested in joining them.

I thought, why not!

I spent a lovely few hours with him in the pub, the conversation was easy. He mentioned that he had been drinking since early that day, (sunday session kind of thing), but he did not appear to be drunk and was very coherent. He was very honest and such a lovely guy to chat to.

He was saying such nice things to me, that I was very pretty but also a very nice person, he said its hard to find the two!

We kissed also.

He said that we should meet up the next day and go for dinner or something.

When I wanted to leave the pub and go home, he was such a gent and made sure to get me a taxi and paid for my taxi home, (He paid the taxi driver while I was getting into the taxi, I said there was no need, that I would pay, but he insisted). I went home to my parents house, as it was nearer.

My battery was going dead, my charger was back in my own house, which is in a another town. He text me not long after I left in the taxi, saying he liked me, I text back saying I enjoyed the night etc, and that my battery was going to die, but I would text him the next day when I got back to my own house and got my charger.

Next day, when I got back home and phone was charged I text him, asking how he was and in reference to him saying that we should do something the night before, I told him I would be around tomorrow or later in the week if he wanted to meet up.

No word from him for two days...when he did text he said he left his phone behind in the pub and just got it that evening.

We text during the week, he finally mentioned meeting up, I had stuff on for fri and sat, but said I could do sun.

He agreed to sun.

I haven't heard from him since.

He wasn't trying to sleep with me that night, so its not as is he is an obvious player and was trying to talk me into bed that night, but why did he say such nice things, is it a case of him drinking all day, (but he really did not appear to be drunk, I met him when I was sober and I only had a few drinks that night)

I really did like him, why be such a sweetie all night and then go cold??

Maybe he was drunker than I thought, perhaps he really doesn't remember much of the night or me?

Deffo men say a lot more when drunk. It's difficult to know whether to consider it a real offer or not. You feel like you are holding them to something they don't want or something. Or it could be they really are just shy.

It could be he is really laid back and is just a bit flakey and chilled about stuff.

But it is not uncommon for men to blow hot and cold and the girl be left not knowing what they actually feel at all.

You don't wanna be that girl that won't go away but if there is something there....

I hate to feel I am bothering the guy.

I would say though if a guy has feelings for you ...he would be more full on. If he goes cold then I guess he didn't mean it.

Barely There

Hang on.
Are you meeting him this Sunday or were you supposed to meet him last Sunday?
It sounds from your post that you suggested meeting up this Sunday and he's agreed, in which case why do you think he's not interested?

Do you need to be constantly assured or his interest in you through a barrage of text messages in the days leading up to you meeting him?

LegacyUser

No was meant to be meeting last sunday

beks101

I think you need to apply a "wait and see" policy here and get on with your life. Occupy your mind with other stuff and don't invest too much in this, unless it actually transpires into something concrete beyond a few texts.

From what I can gauge, you're meeting him Sunday right? Maybe he's not a big texter and is the type to set a date and that's it - he'll see you when he sees you. My boyfriend tends to be a bit like that and it suits me too, as I don't have all day every day to be texting, so I don't spend my time feeling bad for not having time to respond etc.

TBH when I was single I got to the point where I stopped putting any stock in these first encounters on nights out, the compliments and affection and kisses and wild expressions of intention. For one, alcohol can play a big role in these behaviours and for two, all of that stuff is sort of easy in the heat of the moment when you're out with someone and seemingly getting on well. I spent years getting my hopes up after nights like these, first dates etc, getting way too invested only to end up hurt when I either didn't hear from the guy again or things just fizzled when he didn't live up to his 'promises' etc.

It's an old cliche, but actions do really speak louder than words, and any time I've met someone special who really liked me, they've followed up the words with actions and called when they said they would call; or arranged a date as they said they were going to; or made room for me in their lives even when it wasn't necessarily convenient, or whatever. But it really is a roll of the dice as to when things will work out and when they won't, and I find emotionally investing too early is never a good idea - it's better to get on with your life and let the chips fall where they will. And it's better NOT to chase anyone - you deserve someone who really really wants you, and if they do, they'll make it simple for you.

LegacyUser

No it was last Sunday we were meant to meet!

Merkin

reallylikethisguy wrote: »

I really did like him, why be such a sweetie all night and then go cold??

Maybe he was drunker than I thought, perhaps he really doesn't remember much of the night or me?

I think you've probably answered your own question. I know some guys who could be on an all day session at the rugby and to all intents and purposes seem in good shape (not staggering or slurring or anything) and yet could be drunk as a lord. You said yourself that this chap was on an all day session and while he was very charming and complimentary and you had a lovely evening, he may actually remember very little of the encounter I am sorry to say. Or he may be a bit embarrassed about having a hazy recollection of talking to you but not sure if he made a fool of himself or what have you.

I'm afraid it also doesn't bode well that he had committed to seeing you last Sunday and that has now been and gone.

The important thing to remember is that it's not personal. As Beks says above, actions do speak louder than words and like her, I've had many a situation like you OP whereby you have this connection with someone who seems really sound, to appear be really into you and tripping over themselves to tell you how beautiful you are and can't wait to see you and then for them to go cold. It is hurtful but it's also a lesson not to set too much store by these fleeting encounters. I'm not saying become a cynical wench but I also wouldn't really get my hopes up until a guy really shows me he's interested in the cold light of day!

I think you'll probably bump into this guy again. I wouldn't bother contacting him, see how you feel when you encoucter him next and until then, get on with things and please remember that this is no reflection on you or how lovely you are, you just met another Mr. Chatty McTipsy from Flakesville - there's a lot of them about!

Matteroffact

I would say that he was attracted to you, enjoyed your company, but he just doesn't want to get involved for his own reasons which have nothing to do with you as a person.

comewatmay

He has a girlfriend?

Tiddlypeeps

After you arranged to meet up on Sunday was there any contact at all in the run up to the day?

It's possible he could feel the same way you do right now, feeling that you aren't interested because you never contacted him again about your plans closer to the date.

LegacyUser

We were texting on wed last week, no word since then, nothing to confirm or arrange details for the date. If he wasn't based in the locality, I would be tempted to text and see that the story is, but if he is not really into me and I am texting him, I might seem a bit full on and I don't want that going around the locality
I haven't really been bothered with any guy in a while, its not everyone that would get my attention like that I really liked him.

Re the girlfriend thing, he said to me that he hasn't really bothered with any girl in a long time since his last relationship ended. Unless he was lying and may have a gf? He has been working in uk for the past while, unless he has someone there and didn't say?

boomchicawawa

Oh been there...done that...from your position I mean... Met the sweetest guys, really clicked, yack yack..'.I'll call you tomorrow'....then nothing !! Very frustrating.... It was back in the day before mobiles... They would ask for my number after a lovely night (no hanky panky either) and then silence...

By the time I met Mr right, I was Miss cynical.... when he asked for my number, I told him to look it up in the phone book and he did !!!

Guys will walk over broken glass if they want to date a girl, yes they can be shy or have other reasons not to call but mostly they can't be arsed.

As a previous poster said, get on with you own things and put him to the back of your mind, nothing gets a guy interested like disinterest for a girl, they like the challenge. If he does call, be cool and tell him you're busy but you might ring him in a week or two. If you're still interested then, give it a shot, if he messes you around again, kick him to touch !! You sound like a lovely girl, chalk this one up to experience...and don't fret trying to work out the 'why'........ sometimes people are not as honest as we like to think they are...

Tiddlypeeps

reallylikethisguy wrote: »

We were texting on wed last week, no word since then, nothing to confirm or arrange details for the date. If he wasn't based in the locality, I would be tempted to text and see that the story is, but if he is not really into me and I am texting him, I might seem a bit full on and I don't want that going around the locality
I haven't really been bothered with any guy in a while, its not everyone that would get my attention like that I really liked him.

Re the girlfriend thing, he said to me that he hasn't really bothered with any girl in a long time since his last relationship ended. Unless he was lying and may have a gf? He has been working in uk for the past while, unless he has someone there and didn't say?

Since you didn't text him either isn't it possible that he also doesn't want to seem "too full on" and is waiting for you to get in touch?

I'd just text him, what have you really got to lose.

boomchicawawa wrote: »

nothing gets a guy interested like disinterest for a girl, they like the challenge. If he does call, be cool and tell him you're busy but you might ring him in a week or two.

OP what ever you do, don't do this! There is nothing more unattractive and off putting than playing games. The only guys you are likely to find that will put up with that crap are ones with really low self esteem.

Lou.m

Sorry to be coarse.

He was nice to you when he was horny.

Now he is not horny or less horny.


That is my take.

He was horny or flirty ...and he got some or the urge went away.

OR he is just not that into you which is the nicer way of saying it.

Listen life is hard enough. You need people who will be positive and not cause shallow drama. People like that are burdens.

LegacyUser

OP I've been through this so many times, can spot it a mile a away now. The one thing I've learned over the years and this will sound harsh...Any man (or woman I'm sure) that showers you with compliments right off the bat is just looking for a quick ride tbh. You may not have been the easy target he was hoping for but it was more than likely his ulterior motive.

When you meet someone you really like you don't shower them with compliments, its just not a natural reaction. When you really really like someone you get a little awkward and self conscious (speaking generally of course) you don't turn into mister (or miss) confident, smooth operator, throwing out compliments and grand gestures and elaborate future plans.

In my experience those that do so are best avoided like the plague. In the vast majority of cases it's just all fake syrupy words and fake intentions to get you into bed.

I wouldn't bother texting him again. He asked you to dinner the next day and didn't follow through (regardless of his flimsy excuses) then he agreed to meet up Sunday and didn't follow through. He's clearly not a person of his word. So I wouldn't put any heed in anything he said the night you met tbh, his words are clearly meaningless. sorry OP.

When you meet someone who really likes you they'll show you by their actions, planning dates and following through not fake words and OTT compliments.

skallywag

Lou.m wrote: »

...He was nice to you when he was horny...

jsjsjdn wrote: »

...is just looking for a quick ride tbh...

The OP clearly mentions that this person made no such move whatsoever towards her?? If he's the type of person that both are you are alluding to, do you not think he would have made a play to get her into bed that night itself ?!

Lou.m

skallywag wrote: »

The OP clearly mentions that this person made no such move whatsoever towards her?? If he's the type of person that both are you are alluding to, do you not think he would have made a play to get her into bed that night itself ?!

Not necessarily.

A guy out for a ride is not a bad guy. He is not necessarily going to force the issue.

He will act in a way so as to increase his chances but not cross a line.

And then a lot of men say fluffy stuff that they will flake on.

In the moment he was thinking of one thing whilst being polite. Some men spoon feed a lot of things they think people want to hear.

He was attracted to her and by all accounts was a gent and pleasant company for an evening.

Sometimes that flirty evening can make a guy feel good etc.

I dunno maybe he will contact her. I sincerely doubt it.

But that was my read on it.

LegacyUser

Funnily enough the guy sounds a lot like me.. Except for the all day bender. But its usually the fact about being embarrassed and flaky memory that stops me. Silly excuse I know.

Small town etc.

You could look at it this way... On the night out he had the Dutch courage to chat to someone that usually he believes is above his reach in the looks dept. He may have realised in the morning (stupidly I may add) that you were too good for him!.