Is this weird/stupid behaviour?

LegacyUser

As a person, I tend to be very self-critical and I can't help but criticize myself for my latest mishap, so I guess i'm just looking for advice on it. Basically i'm an early 20's bloke, who usually gets down over my lack of a sex life. I've had sex plenty of times with my ex, but none in the 2 years we have broken up.

The other night, I was kissing a girl whilst I was quite drunk (a girl who I know), and she suggested sex. I flat our turned her down. The excuse I gave was that I was too drunk (partly true), but I think the real reason is that I just don't find myself that attracted to her. This is the third time I've rejected her (twice via text whilst sober).

Did I do the right thing by rejecting her? This will probably sound terrible, but i'm thinking maybe I should have just done it anyway, seeing as i'm feeling down a good bit over my lack of a sex life. After all, I had no problem kissing her. A perfectly presentable opportunity for sex has presented itself and I find myself rejecting it. And it's awkward because I reckon she feels terrible that I say no. I just don't understand myself sometimes. I guess there's also an element to sex about being "judged" on my performance and that plays on my mind sometimes so I avoid it.

Is it wrong/stupid to have developed a sense of entitlement when it comes to my sex life, despite the fact that I don't get any? Should I lower my standards? I just don't understand the way my brain works sometimes to be honest so any input would be appreciated

_dublinlad_

The most important thing here is respect for the potential girl you can have sex with. If she is looking for no strings attached sex and nothing further, then by all means go for it. If she seems genuinely interested in you in any way whilst you are just looking to get a monkey off your back then stay clear for her sake.

Personally I would say go for it, you might learn a thing or two, have fun in the process and set yourself up with a bit more confidence when the next girl comes your way that takes your fancy.

Matteroffact

I would not use any girl just for sex and especially a girl I was not attracted to. That's just me. I just happen to think that sex means more than a quick shag with someone I have no interest in.
Yes you did the right thing by rejecting her, anything else is just abuse.

beks101

Why on earth would you have sex with someone you're not attracted to? That doesn't sound like fun at all and personally I can think of nothing worse tbh.

My advice would be to stop beating yourself up and accept the situation for what it is - she's offering herself on a plate and you're still not that bothered, so clearly the attraction isn't even nearly strong enough to make it, at the very least, an enjoyable experience.

Just because you haven't been getting much, doesn't mean you have to 'lower your standards' by the way. I could abstain from sex for ten years and I still wouldn't be interested in jumping into bed with just any guy - at the very least there needs to be a spark of chemistry there.

Take it as a learning curve - sex is important to you, but it needs to be with someone you are attracted to. Get out there and find someone you fancy!

December2012

You did the right thing.

You would've felt worse if you had sec with somebody you don't find attractive.

Taltos

While you did the right thing by not having sex with her - why are you leading her on by kissing her?
Talk about mixed signals, maybe quit that too as it's not fair to her and she must think she is in with a chance with you.

Alf. A. Male

Whatever else you do, stop kissing that girl and leave her alone, she deserves better than to be led on like that. Start treating people with more respect.