mid 20s crisis!

Graciefacey

Hello all, please bear with me! I am mid 20s, great job, financially comfortable and saving for a mortgage. Living with my partner and 5 yo. Life is great, I am very happy with my lot. Until recently I got reminded of all that I sacrificed to be a young mum. I met a few friends who are all single, carefree! They were planning their boozy upallnight parties, weekends in Amsterdam etc and I was discussing my 5yo starting school, our house hunt etc. I felt like such a granny. I had a wonderful time in college, and don't feel like I missed out on anything but I feel like I'm not a normal 26 yo! Not sure what my issue is I tend to over think things!

LegacyUser

I think you may have found yourself pregnant before you had planned to be.
Due to having a baby you worked hard in college to get a good job and to support your child. Your now living with your partner and are saving for a mortgage.
Meanwhile your watching your friends being young free and single which is making your feel older.

In regards to your friends you just need to remember you are at different life stages.
Some day they will come to you for advice re babies, what school to send a child to ect.
I know that it is hard to hear about the nights out ect but you need to remember they are still your friends. I would go out with them an odd night so you have something to look forward to, can have a chat and a laugh.

Also I know that you and your partner want to get a mortgage and buy a house but it is important that as a couple you still have a odd night out and some adult time.
In regards to your mortgage application you need to do the following

a) Don't miss a loan or credit card payment
b) Get loans and credit cards paid off
c) save a set amount each month by standing order - have a look at a regular savings account that pay the best interest rates
d) Make sure that there is no internet gambling on your bank/credit card
e) get a copy of your credit report from the icb and ensure that the details on it are correct. If they are wrong contact the bank ect and get them to put a note on it stating the loans was paid off or paid on time.

reap-a-rat

I'm 23 (and I feel way older) so I said I'd reply to this. I don't have a child or anything but I've been finished college for a year and I'm shortly finishing up a Masters, while I've been working in the industry I've studied for at the same time.

I get the snaps and see the pictures on Facebook of some of the people I went to school with and they are all about the party, all weekend and sometimes during the week too. Sometimes I think, jeez, I'm an awful loser or a weirdo coz I don't go out on the tear too often - I tend to go to gigs and have a few drinks after or go out for dinner and wine rather than go out clubbing. I actually can't remember the last time I was in the club!

Then I actually think on some of the people I remained friends with, and some of them go mad occasionally, but not that often. And then some are like me and are just not party animals.

I would have always been poor at money management but since I started working properly I did begin to think, hey, you're an adult now, perhaps you should save a little instead of counting the pennies come month end - and it's great. I know plenty of people not doing that and it causes great concern for them. Working towards getting a mortgage is a good goal to have really.

I don't know what I'm getting at really other than everyone has different lifestyles and different ways of living that suit them, and whether or not your mates are like that or not doesn't really matter - if you're happy (which you seem to be) then it doesn't matter what other people have! The only thing I'd say is that if you feel you've missed out or are missing out a bit on the partying front, maybe have a chat with your OH about minding your child for a night/weekend, and let loose with your friends! I'd bet any money that the hangover will make you realise you're not missing out on too much really

Graciefacey

lady 213 wrote: »

I think you may have found yourself pregnant before you had planned to be.
Due to having a baby you worked hard in college to get a good job and to support your child. Your now living with your partner and are saving for a mortgage.
Meanwhile your watching your friends being young free and single which is making your feel older.

In regards to your friends you just need to remember you are at different life stages.
Some day they will come to you for advice re babies, what school to send a child to ect.
I know that it is hard to hear about the nights out ect but you need to remember they are still your friends. I would go out with them an odd night so you have something to look forward to, can have a chat and a laugh.

Also I know that you and your partner want to get a mortgage and buy a house but it is important that as a couple you still have a odd night out and some adult time.
In regards to your mortgage application you need to do the following

a) Don't miss a loan or credit card payment
b) Get loans and credit cards paid off
c) save a set amount each month by standing order - have a look at a regular savings account that pay the best interest rates
d) Make sure that there is no internet gambling on your bank/credit card
e) get a copy of your credit report from the icb and ensure that the details on it are correct. If they are wrong contact the bank ect and get them to put a note on it stating the loans was paid off or paid on time.

Thanks. I had finished college when I was pregnant so have always pushed myself hard to be successful and maintain a good work life balance. My partner and I both try actively to get out as a young couple where possible, I do find that emotionally I'm probably ahead of my friends, I'm more 'settled' but still go out and act 'young' every couple of months, I feel I'm then looking forward to getting home to my little family I do feel so boring sometimes when I can't get a babysitter etc but I like the thought of being young at my child's 21st when all my friends have small kids

ABajaninCork

I know where you're coming from, OP but sadly I don't have any kids...

Had to leave home at 18. After bouncing around various rented rooms and living with my Gran, I decided to buy a flat with my then BF at 22 as I wanted somewhere stable to call home. My mates were all having a wild time (this was the 80's in London! ), clubbing, partying, off on foreign holidays, learning to drive and having nice clothes and cars. Me? I spent most of my time in B & Q, Homebase and Focus looking at paint, soft furnishings and thinking of ways to furnish the flat without going completely broke! At times I was working two jobs 7 days a week just to keep the roof over my head. God, did I feel old!

But - it's just a phase. Struggle now, and hopefully reap the benefits later. The baby won't always be small, so make the most of it!

Good luck!