What am I doing ?

LegacyUser

Quite a while ago my marriage ended , eight years ago in fact.Both of us withdrew from each other in every way , socially , physically , sometimes going days with speaking other than for necessary talk round financial decisions or issues with our children .

Both of us work full time and would have a little disposal for ourselves.I sleep alone and more or less look after everything I need myself , laundry , cooking etc even down to buying my own food.

In essence we both let our die and I more or less have accepted it, early we did attempt to sort out issues , but inevitably I'd end up in the spare room or back at my parents.

Like I said I'd accepted my situation and never really was bothered about starting again , my closest friends and a one or two work colleagues know the situation.

Around about a year ago a work colleague of mine went on a secondent to a different agency , we would have been no more than friendly , never socialised or met away from work , she would know about my marriage .She's been separated years.

When her secondent ended last month she returned saying she was glad she was back , the employment we have is in a stressful environment and both of us are partners for sometimes three days a week often across eight or ten hour shifts.

Despite working together for a few years , we had never been out socially until last week.Within a group of twenty or so people she sat with me and eventually said she missed working together and why didn't I text or phone her,saying that she thought I didn't like her.At the bar a few minutes later we kissed , nothing crazy but very nice .Later we went for food,spending sometime chatting have a laugh at things and eventually I made sure she got home safely.

Neither of us were very drunk and I didn't plan anything like this to happen , never having been unfaithful or even thinking about it.

To be very honest I'd more or less given up on ever being interested in anyone again , but now....... what do I do or even think ??

MugMugs

You're single and have another chance. Take it!

daisybelle2008

OP, it's not really clear if you have formally separated from your spouse or if you are living the pretence of marriage. It is also not if clear if you have a clear arrangement with your spouse on if you are both 'single'. Not sure why it would be considered unfaithfulness if you were both on the same page with regards your marriage being over for 8 years.
Why haven't one of you moved out? Can you give more details? You have kind of glossed over if the situation is dysfunctional or not and why so few people are aware of your current status. It's one thing to say you are living separate lives but pretending to most that everything is rosey outwardly. 8 years is a long time to coast along, I'm kind of inferring from your comment that you have 'accepted the situation' that you haven't dealt with it properly?

boomchicawawa

I think you seriously need to look at where you are going. Its an Irishman's way to let things lie but it can become very messy. I've seen two situations where men have never divorced but lived with their new partners for years, then they die and the wife is at the top of the church and the 'mistress' is banished...... ! Sort out your legalities and then start living again !

Have you been in cold storage for 8 years? Do you not want the hassle or do you think no one would be interested ? How do you live at home ?? Do all your relations think you are still together? Is you wife with someone else? You both need to have a good talk and see where you will be in 10 years. You don't mention children, I could understand if it were a case of financial/emotional security for their sakes, but if there are none....its a little bizarre. It seems to suit you both and now with this new situation you are only just awakening to the possibility that your life is not actually over but there could be a new future for you !! Grab happiness where you find it !
If that means continuing with the grey life, do it...if it means prospects are open for a happy new relationship and you want it...go for it !!