advise?

edei

hey there

I have a problem, Im foreign , I,ve been in Ireland for 4 years, and I have been with this irish guy for 5 years, we are also living together. we usually get on well, but I cant avoid sometimes to feel that I want to come back to my own country (and I know for sure that he will not move). Every time I go on holidays, I come back crying, and I know its also hard on my parents, and although they don't say anything, but they get really upset and emotional when we are giving our goodbyes.

Does anyone know if its normal? if it will pass? at this stage I have a big part of my life here, probably more than in my home country, but sometimes I wonder if I would be here still if I wasn't in this relationship..

missjm

It's called homesickness and it's terrible isn't it? Most people would rather be living in their home country.
I don't live near where I originally grew up, in fact I originally moved to where I live for a guy. That didn't work out but I stayed because job prospects were better etc. However, I still get incredibly homesick and more recently have begun looking for work back where I'm from.

I think you need to do two things. The first thing is to draw up a list of the benefits and downfalls of living back in your own country. Also try to remember why you moved here to Ireland originally. Would you have a better/worse standard of living if you moved back home. If things are pointing in the direction that you would indeed be better off back in your own country, then sit your boyfriend down and have a mature and reasonable conversation with him. Show him your list, explain your unhappiness. You never know, he may surprise you.

jigglypuffstuff

edei wrote: »

hey there

I have a problem, Im foreign , I,ve been in Ireland for 4 years, and I have been with this irish guy for 5 years, we are also living together. we usually get on well, but I cant avoid sometimes to feel that I want to come back to my own country (and I know for sure that he will not move). Every time I go on holidays, I come back crying, and I know its also hard on my parents, and although they don't say anything, but they get really upset and emotional when we are giving our goodbyes.

Does anyone know if its normal? if it will pass? at this stage I have a big part of my life here, probably more than in my home country, but sometimes I wonder if I would be here still if I wasn't in this relationship..

Hi OP

Bit of background, I broke up with my ex last month as she wished to return home and i wasnt willing to go with her, shes from Poland and to be honest i dont like the idea of having studied 5 years to end up working for small money. So I decided to end things now before they got more complicated

Shes already done this before and realized what a huge mistake it was. in the end she had to run away from Poland and come back here as she also has a child and was just unable to support him there (her previous ex funded it)

. My take on the matter is after a few months she will see it was a mistake again and probably try to return again. However this time she wont have her previous ex to bail her out. And im not going to so she will have no choice but to live with her mistake, as without the welfare payment she gets here she will have no income there and no way to return

Have you any financial constraints??

The reason im saying this to you is because as you said you have a big part of your life here. I couldn't say the same for my ex but what i do know is shes going back to living in a 4 bedroom flat with 2 sisters, a brother, herself, her mother and a 2 year old and will literally have nothing

My point is this all happened on impulse so be very careful what you do. I see a huge mistake ahead for her, she even mentioned many times it would be foolish of her to go back, but sometimes feelings take over

My advice would be listen to the voice of reason here, try not to go on feelings alone as sometimes that gets us in more trouble. rationalize this with yourself and try not to act on impulse

However question this..Do you want to be with your partner enough to stay?? If so you already have your answer..if not then sit and chat with him as if you are together this long he deserves that.

Hope that is of some assistance to you

edei

Thank you for the answers missjm and pone2012.


I know that if I do a list, Ireland will win over my country; I have better options here, better future perspectives.! I think it makes it harder that Im on my own (except for my bf) as I don't have family around, and I find impossible to make friends even by going to meetups!

I know that even if I came back, I would get bored once I life runs into a routine.

Maybe Im just letting my emotions dominate me, instead of listening to the reason! But these emotions are affecting the relationship as Im afraid to compromise (eg, marry or have kids) in case one day I decide to come back. Most of the time, I don't think about it, but then there are periods of times that its always there in the back of my mind.

Maybe I just needed to let it out, as I cant talk about this neither with my family or my bf!! Thank you again for your answers.

jigglypuffstuff

edei wrote: »

Thank you for the answers missjm and pone2012.


I know that if I do a list, Ireland will win over my country; I have better options here, better future perspectives.! I think it makes it harder that Im on my own (except for my bf) as I don't have family around, and I find impossible to make friends even by going to meetups!

I know that even if I came back, I would get bored once I life runs into a routine.

Maybe Im just letting my emotions dominate me, instead of listening to the reason! But these emotions are affecting the relationship as Im afraid to compromise (eg, marry or have kids) in case one day I decide to come back. Most of the time, I don't think about it, but then there are periods of times that its always there in the back of my mind.

Maybe I just needed to let it out, as I cant talk about this neither with my family or my bf!! Thank you again for your answers.

I think you are correct in what you say OP, opportunities here are better than many other countries, this was exactly the reason why i couldnt understand my now ex's rationale.

She had an opportunity to study while being paid 300e per week in benefits until she graduated, but after bringing her mother and sister here they convinced here home is where she needs to be (in reality home is where they need to be) but they are not the ones losing out on opportunites here, she is. I dont think any other country in the world provides that. Instead of improving the situation her own family have almost forced her back to poverty as her sister couldnt find a job.

The main point im making is if Ireland wins on the list then I'd stick with it for now. Many people including myself complain about this country but in reality its a lot better than many others!

I can relate to what you say about making friends, my ex lives in this town now 6 months and has nobody now as we dont speak. While we were together i encouraged her to go to mother toddler groups, meet my friends, make her own, shes barely left the house only to shop so i cant force her. But my advice would be try your best to mix

My advice on making friends please put yourself out there, I know its hard as the culture here is drink, drink , drink. Try meeting people online going for coffee, doing activities together theres plenty of nice people out there