Girlfriend never wants sex.

LegacyUser

Hey,

I've been going out with my girlfriend for six months now but the problem is as the title states: she never wants to have sex.

I really do love my girlfriend and I don't want to sound shallow but sex is something that I have to have in a relationship and I just dunno what to do. She loves cuddling and kisses and spending time with me and I enjoy that too but it can't just stop there, that probably sounds awful on my part.

I don't know why but she never had a high sex drive even when we first started going out. I thought maybe she was uncomfortable/too conscious at the beginning and it would wear off but it hasn't.

I have brought it up in the past, not in a confrontational way or anything but she just gets really annoyed. I know depression can reduce your libido but she doesn't seem depressed at all. I thought as well maybe she was hurting down there after sex but I'm not rough and I would use lubricant. She has had boyfriends before but those relationships fizzled out quickly. I don't know really.

I'm sexually frustrated at this stage, I go to the gym most days to work it off but it is getting to me....any advice? Thanks.

Oh we're both 21, both in college.

Xaniaj

I'd be very wary here because at six months, you should be very much in the honeymoon period and I'd be very worried if at this stage there was little sex! Especially at 21.

You said she gets annoyed if you bring it up but you need to tell her how frustrated you are and if she's unwilling to address it, I'd be inclined to end it to be frank...

GenieOz

There could be a myriad of reasons why she doesn't want sex. She may have been abused in the past or something similar.

If she doesn't want to talk about it then there's really not much you can do about it, unfortunately.

December2012

You could ask her to go talk to her doctor to get checked out, hormones etcetera.

If she is refusing to discuss it with you, then the communication is the problem.

desbrook

From personal experience this won't change especially after six months. There is a real possibility that it's not sex she has a problem with - just sex with you. Try talking by all means but again personal experience says you won't necessarily get the truth.

The Princess Bride

james_Oo wrote: »

I don't know why but she never had a high sex drive even when we first started going out.

There doesn't necessarily have to be anything wrong with her,or a reason why she is like this.Perhaps she just happens to have a lower sex drive & is happy with only a little?
All this means is that no matter how much you love her,you're just not sexually compatible.
I personally would have to end the relationship,as long term, things won't change & it would be more difficult to leave.
This doesn't make you shallow-by the way.You've got to do what's right for you.

james_Oo wrote: »

She has had boyfriends before but those relationships fizzled out quickly.

Maybe these fizzled out for the same reason?

Tokyo

... in other words, this isn't working out. From what you have said this has been an issue from the beginning, and you have tried approaching her like an adult and discussing it but she doesn't want to entertain the idea.

Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, but it's nonetheless a very important component. That doesn't mean she's not a good person or that she doesn't have many admirable qualities, but it does mean that your sexual appetite is mis-matched. That's not a good or bad thing as individuals, but you have to ask yourself if you can spend the long-therm future this way. While it's possible that over time, her sexual appetite might increase, but that's certainly not a sure bet.

So, since you've both said how you feel about the matter (you more than her), it's time to do some serious introspection and start doing the math: do you love her so much that you're willing to deal with this type of frustration for another six months? Year? 5 years? At some stage it may be time to consider that you both just aren't a good match and that the relationship has run its course.

missjm

This is something you can either put up with or not put up with.
I'd a horrible sex life with my last partner. It was great at first but then seriously dwindled and did nothing for my self confidence. I couldn't live with it, I've a high sex drive, his was non existent in the end. I'd try and spice things up and look like a complete eejit.
If it's not something you can get over, then finish the relationship.

Jenneke87

As someone who has no interest in sex and could be described as "asexual" I can see where you're girlfriend is coming from. It's very difficult to be in an equal relationship when you have virtually no sexdrive when the other one has. Speaking as a woman, it can be nervwrecking when you want no sex but your partner does as you feel the pressure every night, when you know you're not up for it.......again. When you just wanna cuddle but don't dare to, because you don't want to arouse him and get his hopes up, so you keep your distance and hope that as long as he doesn't bring it up, he's okay with it, and wondering deep down what's wrong with yourself.

Some people have a very low sexdrive, others are indeed aseksual(meaning that you experience no sexual attraction towards either a man or a woman) and lack any desire to have sex at al. If this is indeed her orientation(she may not be aware of this) there's very little that can be done about it. You say she's not in pain after sex but are you sure, as it's a major mood killer(who wants to have sex when the consequence is pain?) Please sit down with her and give her a chance to honestly tell her story, and take it from there.

Time Now Please

You are not shallow when you say sex is important in a relationship, because it is very important, there is obviously some underlying condition as to why your gf won't have sex with you, I admire your loyalty, but at the end of the day both of you are going to have to sit down and talk about it. best of luck.

Bafucin

james_Oo wrote: »

Hey,

I've been going out with my girlfriend for six months now but the problem is as the title states: she never wants to have sex.

I really do love my girlfriend and I don't want to sound shallow but sex is something that I have to have in a relationship and I just dunno what to do. She loves cuddling and kisses and spending time with me and I enjoy that too but it can't just stop there, that probably sounds awful on my part.

I don't know why but she never had a high sex drive even when we first started going out. I thought maybe she was uncomfortable/too conscious at the beginning and it would wear off but it hasn't.

I have brought it up in the past, not in a confrontational way or anything but she just gets really annoyed. I know depression can reduce your libido but she doesn't seem depressed at all. I thought as well maybe she was hurting down there after sex but I'm not rough and I would use lubricant. She has had boyfriends before but those relationships fizzled out quickly. I don't know really.

I'm sexually frustrated at this stage, I go to the gym most days to work it off but it is getting to me....any advice? Thanks.

Oh we're both 21, both in college.

She may have issues or something. You need to talk about it. She shouldn't feel uncomfortable.

If your sex drives are not compatible that might not workout.

But it could be other reasons such as she is not comfortable with sex generally. But it sounds like it is not working out.

Magicmatilda

After 6 months she really needs to give you some idea of what is going on for her. Maybe she is a virgin and scared, maybe she was abused, maybe she wants to wait until she is married. We don't know but you should. I suggest you sit her down calmly and away from the bedroom or any sexual contact and tell her that 6 months in you are concerned that you don't seem to be on the same page around sex. That you love her and want to understand where she is coming from in order to give you some piece of mind. Kind of make it about you instead of her, if you know what I mean. Saying this like "I feel unwanted because we are not intimate" or the intimacy involved in a sexual relationship is important to me" that kind of thing.

Now if she gets annoyed or won't talk about it, then end it. Be very clear that it is not the fact that she won't have sex but the fact that she won't discuss it and won't address issues that you consider important, that you are ending it.Because if she has not got the resepct for you to address issues you have then you should not be in a relationship with her. I have seen so many threads from married men whose wives wonlt have sex and won't discuss it. Don't let yourself become one of those.

xxalexa12h

It seems to me you just aren't sexually compatible. You said she didn't have that high of a sex drive even in the beginning, she could either have a hormonal problem or might genuinely just not be that interested in sex. Everyone has different needs and appetites. If she isn't into it now she's never going to be. I know how you feel. I always had a higher sex drive than my now ex bf and it just wasn't working for me because we weren't on the same page. Looks like you need to have a talk with her.