Immaturity in adults

guitarzero

I'm curious as to what folks define as mature or what concept they have of maturity.

I know of a lad who is 27 and he seems to have the mental state of a 14 year old. His speech, his judgement, his world view, the type of women he goes out with, his temper, often his dress sense, his (lack of) eloquence, sense of humour, pretty much everything. A man-sized 14 year old.

I've known him a long time and always thought he'd grow out of it but he is still as petulant, child-like and infantile as ever.

The thing is that he is subject to slagging because of these traits, especially his moodiness and sense of humour. Comparing him to his peers is pretty embarrassing.

Does anyone else experience this in folks they know personally? What character traits do you see in others or yourself that seem so infantile and immature?

The Corinthian

guitarzero wrote: »

I'm curious as to what folks define as mature or what concept they have of maturity.

I would see maturity principally as when someone has a functional level of narcissism.

By that I mean, everyone is narcissistic to a degree and lacking any is probably unhealthy, however there is a level of egocentrism that one would consider unhealthy in an adult also and this manifests itself as immaturity.

Why it does is because we start as completely egocentric. Peek-a-boo is such a fascinating game for babies because when they cannot see us they literally believe we have ceased to exist and throughout childhood, call a spade a spade, children are often self-centred little monsters (we even joke about it) who over time develop empathy, the ability to see things from other points of view and the capacity to act in a manner that does not demand instant self-gratification. Basically they mature.

If an adult is immature, then they've not fully developed these traits, and remain egocentric. In extreme cases, we tend to group such people as having various personality disorders (antisocial, borderline, etc).

The thing is that he is subject to slagging because of these traits, especially his moodiness and sense of humour.

Things such as a childish sense of humour may not be related to maturity. One reason they may prefer childish jokes is because these are easier to comprehend and more 'adult' humour (especially things such as satire or irony) are too complex for them. Basically, they're dumb.

Does anyone else experience this in folks they know personally? What character traits do you see in others or yourself that seem so infantile and immature?

I think everyone knows someone like that.

Self sufficency (no longer having to live off your parents or someone else) tends to be a good rule of thumb when spotting immaturity - parasitic lifestyles are indicative with someone who has never developed any sense of personal responsibility. Inability to deal with delayed gratification; serial drop-outs, for example, as they cannot deal with the time between starting a course and achieving the qualification.

Naturally, in all of these cases, I'm referring to people who follow such patterns through choice rather than circumstances. For example, a forty year old living at home with his parents because they are severely disabled and cannot even dress themselves is a victim of circumstances, but a healthy forty year old living at home with his parents, who gets the Dole and spends it down the pub, is not. Also, it is important to remember that to err is human, so from time to time we'll all be a little 'immature' (getting a loan from the parents we'll never really pay back or acting impulsively once in a while), but those who are truly immature would, unlike the majority, be habitual offenders.

diveout

Very complicated question.

I'd say maturity is a process of learning personal accountibility in all aspects if your life.

Learning the connection between your thoughts and actions and their consequences. Being able to make very hard choices. Being able to communicate very hard feelings and be honest and open about them and being honest with themselves about tough feelings.

People can get stuck in different stages too, a childhood one, or an adolescent one where they are in a perpetual state of rebellion.

Nearly everyone I know has some streak of arrested development but not in a total way like your friend.

monyman

I also have one friend is 24 year old, but his behavior is just like a 14 to 16 year old boy. His activities like speaking, attitude is just like child, and I think this kind are not mature or a bit mentally weak.

Lord PuppyMcSnuggle of Cuddleshire

I don't know what the proper name for it is, but a sense of infallibility... ie. my opinion is right because my brain says it is. Everything else must be re-shaped to fit the narrative I've arrived at. Any dissent is a personal attack on me. It seems depressingly common.

There's a page on Wikipedia - "Loevinger's stages of ego development" (can't link to it due to my post-count). I don't know how correct/accepted it is, but it introduced me to some ideas I found interesting.