Oh and stability

LegacyUser

Hey everyone

Regular posting going anon for this.

Slightly weird situation, I'm female and relatively successful in my career in IT, my OH through a combination of circumstances ended up working in their family business over ten years ago in a sales and marketing role.

OH works out of the house we live in, owned by his family, the company works across Europe and America and most of the work is virtual.

Essentially Oh family have full control over Oh, income, holidays, home etc.

For years OH expressed a desire to move away from them, for us to have our own front door, a life away from their families control etc.

So it just so happened that in my life as an IT consultant I was out with a client last week and they said they were recruiting for sales roles, and out of curiousity I outlined the OHs career, and my contact in the company said "send me their cv asap, I'll modify it so that our HR scanning app picks up keywords, no worries that your OH is older, we'll train them in what we sell, but if there is genuine sales experience there that is what we want"

I literally couldn't believe it, and went home and out to dinner with OH mentioned this, OH was delighted, interested etc. He started talking about what a difference such a job (which he is entirely capable of doing) would make to him

However, OH has some sort of stumbling block when it comes to doing up a c.v. (I cannot relate to this, I update mine every six months) and hasn't done one for over ten years, and literally freezes up at the thoughts of it.

I've gone through it with him and it was next to useless and he's gotten advice from friends, but a week later (having had four days off) when my peer in that company is expecting a c.v. and I've nothing to send to them.

Now I'm feeling a little cheesed off, a. that I went out on a limb with a company with whom I have a good history and have previously used my referrals to hire, and b. that the OH is so laxadaisal about it.

I have helped out colleagues/peers in the past and they jump at the chance.

There is lots wrong with the arrangement my Oh currently works in, we cannot hope to move on in terms of a house etc unless he moves and we are together seven years.

Am I wrong to feel annoyed that having tentatively explored a potential opportunity, discussed it with him, gone back to essentially a friend and had them volunteer to essentially bump the OH in relation to how their screening process works, that the Oh is taking such a lazy approach?

Tokyo

I'm not sure whether it's by accident or design, I think you're coming across as a little unfair when it comes to your other half. You describe what you've done as "tentatively explored a potential opportunity", but by all accounts there seems to be a certain amount of bulldozing of him into the job you'd like him to be doing on your part.

I understand that you are looking out for him and your future together, and I get your frustration at the fact that he hasn't responded in the way that you want, but you seem to have taken all control over this away from him, and really do seem down on him before it even begins. You made arrangements with your client to bump your partner's CV to the top of the pile without discussing the job with him first, you describe his CV as being "next to useless", which is understandable if he has worked in the family business all of his life.

There's a difference between being supportive of your OH applying for this job, and taking the reins from him completely and being disappointed when he doesn't respond the way you'd like. If he went straight to working in the family business, then there's a good chance that he's never had to write up a proper CV, let alone had to sit down in front of an interview panel. Discuss with him first whether he is genuinely interested in this job opportunity, and if he is, rather than write off his CV as being crap and him as being lazy, perhaps sit down with him and help him write up a more appropriate CV, and later help him practice for the interview. He may be feeling enough pressure regarding the job opportunity without you adding to it further.

rcarroll

Instead of getting mad at him best thing would be to sit down and help him woth the cv...another point might be that he's been controlled by his family all these years and essentially you've taken over and are directing his career. Maybe take a step back and let him come to this himself.

December2012

Did you tell this company he would send a cv in without him agreeing to it first? If you did that's wrong. You should never commit somebody to something without asking them first.

You should help instead of criticise.