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Is it supposed to be working like that?

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  • 22-04-2014 10:16am
    #1
    simply simple
    Registered Users Posts: 311 ✭✭


    It is a bit long and all over the places so sry and thankyou

    Okay! So I am married since 7 years and have a kid 5 years old now. I dont work but that wasnt the problem since the beginning as my husband has a job that pays well. As i am home i do all rest of the things apart from working- minding our child, cooking, cleaning, groceries etc which i dont mind doing but once in a while i feel like my husband would cook for us to which he never denies but also never get it done- its like okay i will make lunch tomorrow (weekend) but seems like he completely forgets about it everytime and then i hate saying again and again for it as i feel like begging as i think he should do it excitedly and then i would do it leaving it off for a long while. but after the time has passed I would say you said you were going to cook today for lunch to which his normal obvius reaction would be 'You should have reminded me' I say him everytime that i told you that i want you to cook sometime and you decided to cook lunch for today. I dont like the sound of reminding about it the day b4 and then on the day and then when its time to cook and above all all the groceries for the same is to be done by me anyways. when i get really pissed-'You made me like that' comes out.
    This is the idea of how things go if i once in a while ask him to do something for me. 'You should have reminded me'. Having sex recently is getting us to a fight. For him after 10 is always no for sex. my daughter is not a good sleeper and she normally goes to bed at 9-9.30 so after that 10 is just like that and then off we go to sleep. on weekends our daughter would be with us so having sex during day time is almost impossible. Now when she is watching cartoon he asks for sex and to me that dont sound good as away for an hour would make her feel left out as she likes asking questions about what she sees on telly and specially ads- extreme curiousity. she goes out to play for a while with her friend just outside the building with her friends where i can see her as she is just 5. i am keen on keeping eye on her and my husband wants sex at that time to which i wont be comfortable and would say no.
    We dont have family here so things are a bit hard as sennding her off to someone and most of my friends are the same so they would also want some personal time on weekends.
    On weekdays he leaves for work at 7.45 am as he cycles to work and comes back at about 7.30-8 (as thats the only way my husband can do a bit of excercise by involving it in his routine) and after that my daughter asks him to play with her then we all have dinner and then I get her ready for bed and my husband studies his things- he loves being updated in knowledge in his field and then the day ends.

    I dont know both of see things negatively about each other. I think I have never been his priority in life but his work, his drive to learn and succeed in career etc.

    Is this how things are supposed to be and i am making a big deal out of it. I want a solution to be a happy couple as i love him very much. Its just seems that my feelings dont go through him.


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    #2
    MauraTheThird
    Registered Users Posts: 818 ✭✭✭MauraTheThird


    In relation to him forgetting stuff alone, my boyfriend is the most forgetful person I know. He forgets names of people in our class, birthdays, everything. And it's not that he doesn't think that these things are important, he just has a mind like a sieve.

    I know how frustrating it is when someone says they'll do something and then they don't, over and over again. My boyfriend sounds very like your husband to be honest. I know you want him to be spontaneous and excited, but he may honestly forget and getting bad at him doesn't seem to be constructive. To me, you're almost setting yourself up for him to fail, by being passive with him, waiting for the last moment to remind him of something you've know all along. Some people just aren't spontaneously romantic, thoughtful and it can be disheartening, I know.

    When you're going food shopping, why not say "You're making lunch on X aren't you? Anything you want me to bring for that?". A subtle reminder of the commitment he's made and if you'd be going shopping anyways, there's no big deal, right?

    In relation to the sex thing, I think a set rule of not outside 10pm is unfair considering he's away for almost 12 hours a day and only comes home at 7/8 pm.


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