single parent hate being on handouts

clarbar

Hi guys i'm 23 and on job seekers I have a beautiful 4 month old daughter and hate being on the dole! I get so stressed out sometimes I have been applying nonstop to jobs I want a better life for my little girl, I have been thinking of starting a business and applying for btwea but terrified in case it fails. I just wish something came my way I feel useless.

I hate taking money and then not hearing from jobs

I would do commission based work but I'm shy sometimes and feel that would affect me , I also have friends my age who think ''oh no your life is over you have a baby'' and they refer to my daughter as ''the baby'' ,I try to distance myself from them but get lonely

sorry everything is annoying me lately.

Jenneke87

We have a parenting forum where no doubt you'll find great support. Life changes dramatically after having a baby, and old friend might no longer be able to relate, but I find it rather disrespectful referring to your daughter as "the baby", as though she has no name.

Being on the dole is stressful for anyone, so don't feel bad for stressing out or worrying, but try not to let if effect you too much. You cannot control what will happen in the future, so there's little point worrying about it to excess.

Is there anyone you can talk to about the business idea, who can tell you whether it's viable or not? Could you perhaps return to college, is family able to help you out with babysitting so you have a day to yourself.

You're doing a wonderful job so please be proud of yourself. Hang in there, nothing remains the same forever.

Rubberchikken

has to be tough, but from the sound of things you want to do something about it. that's the first step.
you sound like a good dad who is having a hard time so go easy on yourself.

have you considered going back to college? Have you discussed your business idea with a local Enterprise Board?
Once you're a parent, it sets you apart from your childless friends as your priorities change but they are still your friends.
You could meet other parents to be friends with at things your child attends. Common interests and all that.

Hope things work out.

Big Bag of Chips

I have a 1 month old and we all refer to her as "the baby", so I don't think that's anything to get upset about. I always find it takes me a while to get used to calling a baby their name. Maybe the way you are feeling is leading you to feel that everything is a dig, but that's probably not the case.

What kind of business do you want to set up? There is a lot of work involved in setting up a successful business that you will be able to make a living from. So make sure you get all the advice you can on how best to go about it.

When you apply for jobs, how do you do it? Are you posting/emailing CVs? Are you calling into premises to meet someone face to face to personally hand them your CV. You need to remember that you will be one of many many CVs arriving into a business, so you need to do something that makes yours stand out, and makes you memorable to the boss.

Also, its a small thing, but vital when sending out CVs.. have someone look over it for you. Have someone check for spelling mistakes, or for something you should add in, or leave out etc.

It can be very disheartening applying for jobs and hearing nothing back. But there are small things you can do to at least give your CV a better chance.

Payton

You have a lot going on there with a young child and looking for work. As the previous poster said run your idea of a business by with a few friends and then through your local employment services who will guide you through the process.
I was unemployed for approximately 5 weeks and it can get in on you especially when employers don't reply back...after sending out your cv give the employer a ring to enquire was the position filled, I did this with about 30 jobs that I applied for and I got 3 interviews with different companies and a job at the end of it.
Keep the head up and one day at a time.

iguana

clarbar wrote: »

I try to distance myself from them but get lonely

I know this isn't the point of your thread but loneliness is a horrible feeling and I think you'd start to feel a lot better about things of you had some new friends. Ones who respect your motherhood and your daughter. Have you tried joining any baby groups? Your location is Limerick and there are loads and loads of great groups here, where you could meet new people. I know they can be daunting but they can also be a great social outlet.

clarbar

Hi thanks for the replys I dunno about if thry mean to call her the baby but they ask if iI want to meet up and iI say yes and once iI mention my daughter is woth me they say oh maybe another day so just irritating . As for jobs maybe I ll start posting to companies instead a ppst would be much more seen than a emailed c.v but iI would love to start a recruiyment business imI'm learning in my spare time and doing a website

I would love to join a group and make new friends but tertified incase I can't talk or embaress myself

December2012

Mother and baby groups are full of lovely women like you - they are great places to go to meet women who are having similar experiences.

CarMe

Aw I wrote something similar to this last year on a different website!
I made a proper effort at the start of the year to meet new people and start making a new life for myself and I can honestly say I've made more new friends in the last four months than in the last four years. You have to put yourself out there, go to mother and toddler groups, take up voluntary work if you can spare a few hours a week it'll do wonders for your cv while you're looking for work, go to play cafes and get chatting to people. Have a look at courses that have VTOS places, this will cover your childcare while you're upskilling.

Honestly, it's very hard with a small baby it can be really lonely but it does get so so much easier. I absolutely love my little girls company, she's nearly 3 and the best little pal I could ask for. I'm also on one parent family after being made redundant and it is hard and I hate scrimping but there's so many free things to do especially with the nice weather. I've been offered a college place in September and that's another little chapter I'm excited to see unfold.

Stay positive, you sound really ambitious and that's fantastic! Get out there and make new friends. Rollercoaster is a great place to meet other mams in your area and meetup.com also have single mother, mother and child groups etc.

Good luck!!

Lou.m

clarbar wrote: »

Hi guys i'm 23 and on job seekers I have a beautiful 4 month old daughter and hate being on the dole! I get so stressed out sometimes I have been applying nonstop to jobs I want a better life for my little girl, I have been thinking of starting a business and applying for btwea but terrified in case it fails. I just wish something came my way I feel useless.

I hate taking money and then not hearing from jobs

I would do commission based work but I'm shy sometimes and feel that would affect me , I also have friends my age who think ''oh no your life is over you have a baby'' and they refer to my daughter as ''the baby'' ,I try to distance myself from them but get lonely

sorry everything is annoying me lately.

You are a brave courageous lady!

Everything is going to be fine!

I have no kids but i have friends who do it's tough but it gets better really.

FIND NEW FRIENDS!

You will find better female company helps your mood so much there are girls without kids who are not jerks out there and of course friends with kids with empathize.

You seem very strong.

I think if you feel good about it try the business. Or good luck on the job front. But whatever you choose you will do well i am sure!

Hugs op

jescart

clarbar wrote: »

Hi guys i'm 23 and on job seekers I have a beautiful 4 month old daughter and hate being on the dole! I get so stressed out sometimes I have been applying nonstop to jobs I want a better life for my little girl, I have been thinking of starting a business and applying for btwea but terrified in case it fails. I just wish something came my way I feel useless.

I hate taking money and then not hearing from jobs

I would do commission based work but I'm shy sometimes and feel that would affect me , I also have friends my age who think ''oh no your life is over you have a baby'' and they refer to my daughter as ''the baby'' ,I try to distance myself from them but get lonely

I really wish you all the best with your career, but don't think you have the correct attitude to start a business right now. The points I've highlighted above - Being shy and afraid of failure are a recipe for disaster when becoming an entrepreneur. You need a whole new level of confidence and communication abilities, dealing with everyone from customers, suppliers, accountants, solicitors, banks, enterprise boards, etc. It's not easy. I think you need to improve on those points first, most people pick up these skills over time in their jobs so that would be a great start. I'm not trying to knock you, (in fact I think this country needs more entrepreneurs) and hope you succeed but work on confidence building first.

ElleEm

Making new friends would do wonders for your confidence. Look out for parent and toddler groups in your local area, try to chat to other people with kids in the park or wherever. You should even try to engage in discussions on the parenting forum on Boards, it seems some of the posters there meet up too. Most people get nervous before meeting new people, so you are not unusual there. Please don't worry about it.

It sounds as if you are stuck in a rut, and having a little baby alone can be so isolating. You need to look after yourself- get out there and get happy!
Being on benefits is no fun, but you need to look after yourself first. There has been some great advice here from other posters regarding getting onto your local employment services, they can help you put together your CV and help you identify areas that may suit you to work. There are also loads of free online courses you can do to add to your CV and give you more confidence.

Good luck!

iguana

clarbar wrote: »

I would love to join a group and make new friends but tertified incase I can't talk or embaress myself

Nearly everyone is in the same boat when they start going to these groups so they will understand if you are a bit shy and won't make you feel embarrassed. I've been going to groups around Limerick since my son was 3 months and overall they have been a lifesaver and I've made lots of great friends through them. I really recommend that you give them a go as you do sound lonely. If nothing else you could look on it as a help for your future career because if you truly want to start a business in the future, being able to find a way to learn to be confident around new people is essential.

If you want, why don't you start a thread on either the Limerick city or Parenting forums about local baby groups and I and some other posters can fill you in on the groups we have tried and where you will get a friendly reception.