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Money-saving superpowers you wish you had

  • 20-04-2014 10:37pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,973 ✭✭✭


    1. Ability to piss petrol - You produce the same volume but as petrol, so no need to visit a filling station as long as you drive a scooter and don't go too far.

    2. Ability to sh1t fine Havana cigars - You could only make one or two a day, unless you ate something that disagreed with you in which case the quality would go down. They would come out with label and all, but you have to get the box elsewhere

    3. Soak up ambient heat and release on demand - If you are in a warm place you can gather up heat to bring back home, but only a few days worth and it would take you an hour or two to refill

    4. Summon lost items - You could summon anything within 2.5m of you that was genuinely lost. Wouldn't work inside people's houses if its something they'd find again when they moved but any old coins on the street even if they're buried 2.5 metres down are yours.

    5. Simulated drunkenness - Spend the night drinking water and be as langers as everyone else at the end of it, until you don't want to be anymore.

    6. Immunity to bad tasting food - Throw some rice and crab apples and a few snails into a bowl and have it taste like a 3 course meal from the Shelbourne

    7. Extract enjoyment out of any activity - Spend the night making finger puppets from an old sock, or any activity you normally wouldn't be into and think you're having a mighty time and never be bored.

    8. Atari Jaguar - Play any video game that has been made or will ever be made on an Atari Jaguar without ever having to pay for a game. Any Atari jaguar you use at least once a week will never break or go back to not being able to run the latest games.

    Which one of these would be the most use to you? 32 votes

    Ability to piss petrol
    0%
    Ability to sh1t fine Havana cigars
    34%
    lintdrummerluderrobertpattersonIK09average heroCharlie19akuraTalib FiasconotnumberPeregrinePush Pop 11 votes
    Soak up ambient heat and release on demand
    3%
    Eramen 1 vote
    Summon lost items
    12%
    RhymeMy name is URLEathrinSh1tbag OToole 4 votes
    Simulated drunkenness
    12%
    SkerriesSulla FelixIhatecuddlesLizzieJones 4 votes
    Immunity to bad tasting food
    3%
    Ann Landers 1 vote
    Extract enjoyment out of any activity
    0%
    Atari Jaguar
    34%
    ray giraffecereberusPirateShampooDM addictvitaniTheBrinchCustardpiblueturnipVito CorleoneHugsiePieB_Rabbit 11 votes


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,440 ✭✭✭Stavros Murphy


    You left out a previous talent I wanted - the ability to shoot boiling water from your fingertips - think instant pot-noodle, thawed windows, Hot beverages, baths, cleaning shyte..the list goes on. Burco-Man would be one cool fcuker to be.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,618 ✭✭✭The Diabolical Monocle


    Someones been ejaculating cocaine again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,174 ✭✭✭✭Captain Chaos


    Never having to pay any sort of Tax again, ever. Save thousands right there.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,406 ✭✭✭PirateShampoo


    Atari Jaguar
    I want the Lynx effect.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,440 ✭✭✭Stavros Murphy


    Never having to pay any sort of Tax again, ever. Save thousands right there.

    Bermuda-Man. Or Andorra-Woman. Very handy.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,720 ✭✭✭Sir Arthur Daley


    Never having to pay any sort of Tax again, ever. Save thousands right there.

    Join the black market, need not to become a goth.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    If I drink loads of water do I piss a proportionate amount of petrol? Because if that's the case I'm sure I could get enough to sell it and I can quit my job. Of course, if I had No. 7 then I could be perfectly happy with any horrible job, so there you go.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 71,802 ✭✭✭✭Ted_YNWA


    You left out a previous talent I wanted - the ability to shoot boiling water from your fingertips - think instant pot-noodle, thawed windows, Hot beverages, baths, cleaning shyte..the list goes on. Burco-Man would be one cool fcuker to be.

    You could self bidet then.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,440 ✭✭✭Stavros Murphy


    Ted_YNWA wrote: »
    You could self bidet then.

    Boiling dude. Boiling. That's a no-no.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 71,802 ✭✭✭✭Ted_YNWA


    Boiling dude. Boiling. That's a no-no.

    Missed the lack of a thermostat. Wouldn't want tp very walking like John Wayne.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,973 ✭✭✭Sh1tbag OToole


    Summon lost items
    Zillah wrote: »
    If I drink loads of water do I piss a proportionate amount of petrol? Because if that's the case I'm sure I could get enough to sell it and I can quit my job. Of course, if I had No. 7 then I could be perfectly happy with any horrible job, so there you go.

    It would of course but your normal water drinking ability wouldnt be improved so you wouldnt be pissing 100s of litres a day


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,080 ✭✭✭EoghanIRL


    Atari jaguar :cool:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,124 ✭✭✭✭My name is URL


    Summon lost items
    Soak up ambient heat and release on demand

    I'm going with that since it has the potential to be used to exact revenge


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,618 ✭✭✭The Diabolical Monocle


    I'm going with that since it has the potential to be used to exact revenge



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 76 ✭✭FurQyou


    The ability to squeeze the last bit of the toothpaste out.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,973 ✭✭✭Sh1tbag OToole


    Summon lost items
    FurQyou wrote: »
    The ability to squeeze the last bit of the toothpaste out.

    That would only save you a few cents per tube though, so unless you were able to get all the nearly empty tubes of toothpaste in ireland it would be a fairly useless superpower


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,561 ✭✭✭Rhyme


    Summon lost items
    I'm going with that since it has the potential to be used to exact revenge

    If you could soak into an internal 'battery' at will, you could jump into lava extracting some of the ambient heat (not enough to turn it to rock) to store up massive amounts of heat quickly. Walk up to someone/something and incinerate them/it.

    You could also re-heat your tea by dipping a finger into it.

    Damn, that one is the best.

    ...actually Brandon Sanderson had this idea in his Mistborn books but the 'battery' would be a piece of metal worn by the user.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭LizzieJones


    Simulated drunkenness
    Soak up ambient heat and release on demand

    I already do this. It's called Menopause. :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,440 ✭✭✭Stavros Murphy


    Rhyme wrote: »
    If you could soak into an internal 'battery' at will, you could jump into lava extracting some of the ambient heat (not enough to turn it to rock) to store up massive amounts of heat quickly. Walk up to someone/something and incinerate them/it.

    You could also re-heat your tea by dipping a finger into it.

    Damn, that one is the best.

    ...actually Brandon Sanderson had this idea in his Mistborn books but the 'battery' would be a piece of metal worn by the user.

    Fcuk you. Burco-Man could make a fresh cup at will. Yours sounds like effort.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 76 ✭✭FurQyou


    That would only save you a few cents per tube though, so unless you were able to get all the nearly empty tubes of toothpaste in ireland it would be a fairly useless superpower

    Immensely satisfying though.

    Those bastard tubes have been taunting me my whole life!


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,921 ✭✭✭✭Charlie19


    Ability to sh1t fine Havana cigars
    The ability to stay clear of the Bargain Alerts forum.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,622 ✭✭✭Ruu


    Ability to sneeze chocolate bars (any kind i like)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 594 ✭✭✭The_Pretender


    Does my OH's sex drive count as a lost item?

    If so, put me down for No. 4 :P


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,440 ✭✭✭Stavros Murphy


    Does my OH's sex drive count as a lost item?

    If so, put me down for No. 4 :P

    If you could get her to assume option 7, you'd be back in the game.


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