Money-saving superpowers you wish you had

Sh1tbag OToole

1. Ability to piss petrol - You produce the same volume but as petrol, so no need to visit a filling station as long as you drive a scooter and don't go too far.

2. Ability to sh1t fine Havana cigars - You could only make one or two a day, unless you ate something that disagreed with you in which case the quality would go down. They would come out with label and all, but you have to get the box elsewhere

3. Soak up ambient heat and release on demand - If you are in a warm place you can gather up heat to bring back home, but only a few days worth and it would take you an hour or two to refill

4. Summon lost items - You could summon anything within 2.5m of you that was genuinely lost. Wouldn't work inside people's houses if its something they'd find again when they moved but any old coins on the street even if they're buried 2.5 metres down are yours.

5. Simulated drunkenness - Spend the night drinking water and be as langers as everyone else at the end of it, until you don't want to be anymore.

6. Immunity to bad tasting food - Throw some rice and crab apples and a few snails into a bowl and have it taste like a 3 course meal from the Shelbourne

7. Extract enjoyment out of any activity - Spend the night making finger puppets from an old sock, or any activity you normally wouldn't be into and think you're having a mighty time and never be bored.

8. Atari Jaguar - Play any video game that has been made or will ever be made on an Atari Jaguar without ever having to pay for a game. Any Atari jaguar you use at least once a week will never break or go back to not being able to run the latest games.

Stavros Murphy

You left out a previous talent I wanted - the ability to shoot boiling water from your fingertips - think instant pot-noodle, thawed windows, Hot beverages, baths, cleaning shyte..the list goes on. Burco-Man would be one cool fcuker to be.

The Diabolical Monocle

Someones been ejaculating cocaine again.

Captain Chaos

Never having to pay any sort of Tax again, ever. Save thousands right there.

PirateShampoo

Atari Jaguar

I want the Lynx effect.

Stavros Murphy

Captain Chaos wrote: »

Never having to pay any sort of Tax again, ever. Save thousands right there.

Bermuda-Man. Or Andorra-Woman. Very handy.

Sir Arthur Daley

Captain Chaos wrote: »

Never having to pay any sort of Tax again, ever. Save thousands right there.

Join the black market, need not to become a goth.

Zillah

If I drink loads of water do I piss a proportionate amount of petrol? Because if that's the case I'm sure I could get enough to sell it and I can quit my job. Of course, if I had No. 7 then I could be perfectly happy with any horrible job, so there you go.

Ted_YNWA

Stavros Murphy wrote: »

You left out a previous talent I wanted - the ability to shoot boiling water from your fingertips - think instant pot-noodle, thawed windows, Hot beverages, baths, cleaning shyte..the list goes on. Burco-Man would be one cool fcuker to be.

You could self bidet then.

Stavros Murphy

Ted_YNWA wrote: »

You could self bidet then.

Boiling dude. Boiling. That's a no-no.

Ted_YNWA

Stavros Murphy wrote: »

Boiling dude. Boiling. That's a no-no.

Missed the lack of a thermostat. Wouldn't want tp very walking like John Wayne.

Sh1tbag OToole

Summon lost items

Zillah wrote: »

If I drink loads of water do I piss a proportionate amount of petrol? Because if that's the case I'm sure I could get enough to sell it and I can quit my job. Of course, if I had No. 7 then I could be perfectly happy with any horrible job, so there you go.

It would of course but your normal water drinking ability wouldnt be improved so you wouldnt be pissing 100s of litres a day

EoghanIRL

Atari jaguar :cool:

My name is URL

Summon lost items

Soak up ambient heat and release on demand

I'm going with that since it has the potential to be used to exact revenge

The Diabolical Monocle

My name is URL wrote: »

I'm going with that since it has the potential to be used to exact revenge

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-Q9iMNzYAE

FurQyou

The ability to squeeze the last bit of the toothpaste out.

Sh1tbag OToole

Summon lost items

FurQyou wrote: »

The ability to squeeze the last bit of the toothpaste out.

That would only save you a few cents per tube though, so unless you were able to get all the nearly empty tubes of toothpaste in ireland it would be a fairly useless superpower

Rhyme

Summon lost items

My name is URL wrote: »

I'm going with that since it has the potential to be used to exact revenge

If you could soak into an internal 'battery' at will, you could jump into lava extracting some of the ambient heat (not enough to turn it to rock) to store up massive amounts of heat quickly. Walk up to someone/something and incinerate them/it.

You could also re-heat your tea by dipping a finger into it.

Damn, that one is the best.

...actually Brandon Sanderson had this idea in his Mistborn books but the 'battery' would be a piece of metal worn by the user.

LizzieJones

Simulated drunkenness

Soak up ambient heat and release on demand

I already do this. It's called Menopause.

Stavros Murphy

Rhyme wrote: »

If you could soak into an internal 'battery' at will, you could jump into lava extracting some of the ambient heat (not enough to turn it to rock) to store up massive amounts of heat quickly. Walk up to someone/something and incinerate them/it.

You could also re-heat your tea by dipping a finger into it.

Damn, that one is the best.

...actually Brandon Sanderson had this idea in his Mistborn books but the 'battery' would be a piece of metal worn by the user.

Fcuk you. Burco-Man could make a fresh cup at will. Yours sounds like effort.

FurQyou

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

That would only save you a few cents per tube though, so unless you were able to get all the nearly empty tubes of toothpaste in ireland it would be a fairly useless superpower

Immensely satisfying though.

Those bastard tubes have been taunting me my whole life!

Charlie19

Ability to sh1t fine Havana cigars

The ability to stay clear of the Bargain Alerts forum.

Ruu

Ability to sneeze chocolate bars (any kind i like)

The_Pretender

Does my OH's sex drive count as a lost item?

If so, put me down for No. 4 :P

Stavros Murphy

The_Pretender wrote: »

Does my OH's sex drive count as a lost item?

If so, put me down for No. 4 :P

If you could get her to assume option 7, you'd be back in the game.