Worried about boyfriend's college/career

LegacyUser

Hi,

I've been with my boyfriend over a year now; I'm 20 he is 21. He is in his final year in college studying Arts. Now that he is in final year he wants to do postgrad study to improve his career options. He would like to do teaching or a Masters of some sort.

However; the last while I've tried to talk to him about what courses he's applied for or researched, but he says his grades are crap and he's not going to get accepted into any courses. He says he can't see himself even getting a job. He constantly puts himself down saying the only thing he has going for him is being with me; I try and tell him this isn't true, that he has good friends and he's really involved in GAA and plays football a lot, training 2-3x/week and going to matches. He coaches a juvenile hurling team as well. Also, this semester he is working really hard to try and pass everything as last semester he failed a module, so I know he is trying his best.

I know he has applied for 2 courses so far and I've tried encouraging him to look at other courses just to broaden his chances of getting accepted into something; he says he will but he doesn't say much about it unless I bring it up. I also suggested he talk to the career office in the college which he did.

I should add that his parents aren't very supportive of him in college; they think his degree will get him nowhere and they think he would be better off dropping out of college and getting a job in a shop or something, saying he has cost them loads of money for nothing (he had to repeat a year).

Obviously I don't want to keep badgering him about it, I just want to support him and for him to have more confidence in himself. I'm worried that he might not get accepted into anything and be stuck doing nothing next year. He has a job on the weekends and during the Summer but he hates it and doesn't want to be stuck in it forever.

I am aware that obviously we are both still young and that really his future career is in his hands, but I can't help but be concerned as I care so much about him.

Sorry for the long post. Any insight would be much appreciated.

baby and crumble

Sounds to me like his self-esteem has taken a battering having to repeat a year and failing a module. Especially if he feels he doesn't have the support of his family. Trust me, I know what this is like. It's horrible and there's very little you can do except try and keep his self-esteem up as much as you can by encouraging him to find his passion and what he is good at. Does he know the career area he wants to go into or is he casting around for anything and everything? It can be daunting at the end of an arts degree, I had no idea what I was at for a year after I finished.

LegacyUser

He would like to do teaching and has applied for a HDip but he doesnt think he's going to get accepted because he says his degree is going go be crap (as far as i know you need a 2.1 to be eligible). Either that or a masters in his arts subject.

I feel like i don't really know what's going on; I really don't think he would have gone to the careers office or looked up other courses if I hadn't said it to him, and I don't know why this is. I tried talking to him about it but he said he didn't want to talk and just blanked me saying he didn't want to argue with me about it and left it at that. He said obviously he was gonna look at other stuff cause he cant just 'do nothing' but its April now. I'm worried its a bit late in the year?

LegacyUser

baby and crumble wrote: »

Sounds to me like his self-esteem has taken a battering having to repeat a year and failing a module. Especially if he feels he doesn't have the support of his family. Trust me, I know what this is like. It's horrible and there's very little you can do except try and keep his self-esteem up as much as you can by encouraging him to find his passion and what he is good at. Does he know the career area he wants to go into or is he casting around for anything and everything?.

Thanks for the reply. He would like to do teaching and has applied for a HDip but he doesnt think he's going to get accepted because he says his degree is going go be crap (as far as i know you need a 2.1 to be eligible). Either that or a masters in his arts subject.

I feel like i don't really know what's going on; I really don't think he would have gone to the careers office or looked up other courses if I hadn't said it to him, and I don't know why this is. I tried talking to him about it but he said he didn't want to talk and just blanked me saying he didn't want to argue with me about it and left it at that. He said obviously he was gonna look at other stuff cause he cant just 'do nothing' but its April now. I'm worried its a bit late in the year?

LegacyUser

OK OP you are doing the right thing by supporting him, college can be tough, I can't imagine how tough it must be when you don't have your parents support. Keep supporting him. After this year he's done with a degree under his belt, he's almost there.

I think you are wrong to badger him about his plans for next year however OP. IMHO I think it's unfair to pressure him into looking for a course for next year. He's only 21! It sounds like this course is not what he expected, he doesn't like it and doesn't really know what he wants to do with his life. What your boyfriend needs is time out to have a think about what it is he really wants to do. Pressuring him into doing something, anything, just so he'll have career options is crazy. Encouraging him to pick courses he only has a vague interest in just so he has something to study is a very bad idea, he'll end up right back in the same position he's in now.

Look op like your bf I did a course I hated, I finished it and was completely lost for years had no idea what I wanted to do. I did go back to college after 3 years But if I had of gone straight back into study straight away after my first course theres no way i could,ve coped, I'd have quit and be working a dead end job by now. A career is not the be all and end all. You don't have to have your future career path all sorted out before a certain age. The days of a linear career path are long gone OP.

Personally i think rather than forcing him into another course you should actually be encouraging him to take a year out to think about what it is he really wants to do. He'll have a degree by then, who cares if he has to work a shop job or something while he decides. He can save a bit and be in a better position to support himself if he chooses another course so he won't have his parents on his back. Maybe he'd like to travel for a while before he throws himself back into study. Believe me OP if he's having trouble passing modules now it'll be a million times worse gong straight into a postgrad or masters with the huge confidence dent he's suffered. They're tough, a lot harder than undergraduate courses. What he really needs IMHO is a break so he has the chance to regroup and start afresh with a clean slate on a course he really has an interest in.

LegacyUser

Hi, I don't think he hates the course he's doing at the moment, he's doing History and he does like the subject. He knows he wants to do teaching or a postgrad in history. The problem is he thinks he has nothing going for him, mainly because of his grades i think.

I suppose I just need to leave him alone about it for the moment and let him finish out the year anyway. Tbh i think its his lack of confidence thats holding him back. Thanks for your help.

Tramps Like Us

He can do a graduate diploma. Don't need a 2.1


This course sounds perfect for him:

http://www.ucd.ie/historyarchives/graduateprogrammes/graduatediplomainhistory/

3DataModem

When someone says that you are the only thing they have going for them, that's a pretty big warning sign.