Sexless for the last 2 years

LegacyUser

Hi, I suppose this might not count as a relationship issue as such but I thought this would be the best place to post it. Anyway, i'm a 23 year old guy and I haven't had sex for 3 years and it's getting me down at this stage. I was in an LTR from 18-21 and she remains my only sexual partner. I have received oral sex a few times since when I was on holidays but that's it really. I guess it just feels like i haven't even moved on from my ex fully if she still remains the last person I had sex with. I don't see myself as a bad looking guy or anything, but I just don't really know any girls and thus find it hard to meet new ones. I've found online dating a waste of time. I feel like most other guys of my age are enjoying what is probably the most sexually active period of most peoples lives whilst I remain lonely and sexless. Am I being too hard on myself feeling down over this?

Time Now Please

Way too hard 'no pun intended'!, seriously though you are fretting way too much here, you said that you didn't have sex since your last relationship, however you dismiss the fact that you got a few blow jobs in between!!, To answer your question most 18yr olds are not shagging left right and centre, how many times has a guy snogged some bird but later told his mates he shagged her senseless, when all he would get was a snog and maybe if we are lucky a quick feel!!!, What I am saying is take your time, you obviously haven't moved on too much from your last relationship with the exception of a few bj's, Jasus you are only 21 ffs!!

beks101

I think we generally tend to think that 'everyone else has way more sex than me', when being honest, when I was your age lots if not most other single people - both men and women - only 'scored' occasionally - not riding rings around themselves as we're led to believe.

Are you on Tinder? If not I'd suggest joining and giving that a shot. I know lots of people who have gotten laid through that!

Vito Corleone

beks101 wrote: »

Are you on Tinder? If not I'd suggest joining and giving that a shot. I know lots of people who have gotten laid through that!

I've found that in the 18-23 age group it's just sort of an ego boost for most girls. I get a lot of matches but few are interested in actually meeting up, it's been the same for most of my friends.

This is the struggle Martin Luther King was talking about! :pac:

tara73

NoSexForMe wrote: »

I feel like most other guys of my age are enjoying what is probably the most sexually active period of most peoples lives whilst I remain lonely and sexless. Am I being too hard on myself feeling down over this?

how do you know that? I don't think it's true entirely.

I think you have to ask yourself what you want, as it is not really clear from your post. Do you want just a shag from time to time or do you want a loving relationship? from reading between the line I think it's the latter..

so first step would be to make yourself realise that your relationship with your ex is over, as you admit yourself you still not over her. it's not easy, but as you already are aware that you still cling on it, it's the first move into your new freedom:).

then you need to reconsider the places you go to meet a potential girlfriend. ist it just nightclubs or pubs? not the big nightclubber myself anymore, but from what I hear and reading the posts here, it seems very hard to meet someone for a relationship there. Don't really understand it myself, but that seems to be the case.
so the old advice again, join a sports club, (for sure choose one where also girls take part;)) do some voluntary work, etc. so to say go outside the nightclubscene where you would meet also girls.

and like the others said, you are so young, don't worry too much, plenty of time left for you

all the best

Robson Lobson

OP how many women do you ask out per week?

Pissy Missy

Hey, me too, no sex now for nearly 3 years and i also found the online dating scene a waste of time predominantly. I feel the same, I would like to meet someone nice but it ain't easy. However I still socialise and put myself out there, so it might be a situation that I am meant to be on my own as at the moment however I'm still approaching guys in the club if I'm attracted to them. Scary yes but you have to try. Are you putting yourself out there? Also, this is a great opportunity and time to focus on yourself, maybe work on your fitness, do a marathon, a hobby, a course, voluntary work or an exercise class or some kind of voluntary work; it can be very rewarding and you may meet someone special in the process I don't know if you're just looking for sex or a relationship but for now maybe focus on the relationships you do have (family/friends) and yourself.

trancemuzic

Went through a few long hauls without getting the ride myself , its never nice really but at the end of the day its only sex

Myself when i was on a dry patch i had a few girls that i could have shagged but even though I was gagging for it i never really just wanted to shag someone just for the sake of it , now i would have broke if it was an absolute belter of a girl that was looking for it but it was usually just some bird or a friend of friends mate or something like that

Point im getting at is that you are only young and by the sounds of it you probably wouldn't just get up on the crack of a whip so when you eventually meet someone you really like you will enjoy the sex that much better than if you just go out and shag some yokes that you don't even fancy just for the sake of it every now and then

Get yourself down the gym for a few months and get yourself feeling confident , go buy some new clothes get a fresh haircut and hit the town and try find yourself somebody worth shagging

Talib Fiasco

Robson Lobson wrote: »

OP how many women do you ask out per week?

+1. OP the dating scene is simply a numbers game...approach enough women and eventually you'll find someone who likes you or simply wants to hook up. Every guy who pulls regularly has been rejected many times that same night...it's just the way it is. There is no magic pill for it except to go out and approach...

And yeah you're being too hard on yourself...sex isn't a trophy that you can compare with your friends. Who cares if you haven't had sex in years or are getting it every night....sex doesn't determine you as a person. Have fun and enjoy yourself. Meeting new people is easy just go out there and do it.

Lou.m

NoSexForMe wrote: »

Hi, I suppose this might not count as a relationship issue as such but I thought this would be the best place to post it. Anyway, i'm a 23 year old guy and I haven't had sex for 3 years and it's getting me down at this stage. I was in an LTR from 18-21 and she remains my only sexual partner. I have received oral sex a few times since when I was on holidays but that's it really. I guess it just feels like i haven't even moved on from my ex fully if she still remains the last person I had sex with. I don't see myself as a bad looking guy or anything, but I just don't really know any girls and thus find it hard to meet new ones. I've found online dating a waste of time. I feel like most other guys of my age are enjoying what is probably the most sexually active period of most peoples lives whilst I remain lonely and sexless. Am I being too hard on myself feeling down over this?

Firstly feeling down about it is not the right way to look at it. You are worthwhile in yourself. I think you are being very hard on yourself.

You need to mix more and socialize. Make an effort to make friends with and meet more women. Have fun.

Why don't you know any girls? You realize this is part of the problem right? You need to make room for the opposite gender in your life.

Clubs are not the greatest place to start with. Most women will not react as positively to a stranger. And also what is more worrying is that your personality will remain undeveloped in that way.

This is not just a sexually active time but a time for a lot of emotional development and learning about people.

I think in Ireland because of the single sex school thing a lot of girls and guys have an infantile perception of relationships.

They don't know what relationships are for yet.

If you want to have a satisfactory sex life with less of a commitment that's fine but you will have to learn to socialize a lot more with women. Again if you want to wait and find someone you connect with that's fine. Again though you will have to socialize more. Either way it is about meeting people.

What are the issues which stop you from meeting women? Do you want to

Have a think about what you want right now in life and what you want to change in order to be happier.

You need to feel more comfortable meeting the opposite sex. How many women do you come across weekly ? How many of the type of women you might be interested in? If your life is not set up to find a relationship then look at that.

You need to come across a few women you might like. Then let them become comfortable with you and you then. And ask one you connect with out. A date is a building block to a relationship. You have to take steps. Make a few females friends and bring women into your life. It's more balanced.

Feel more confident and upbeat in yourself.

If you are unhappy it is not because you are single you don't need a girlfriend to be happy.

You are not unhappy because you don't have a girlfriend but it might be partly the case that you don't have a girlfriend because you are unhappy.

Try and feel more confident and positive about yourself.