Friend Problems

LegacyUser

I had 2 best friends who Ive been friends with for donkeys years. We were like our own little clique, we just did everything with each other, being best friends and all, and it was great. When we hung out it was simply window shopping and the cinema. Then things started to feel different....., there was like this small rift I could feel that was separating me from them some years down the line.....I thought maybe it was got to do with the fact that I was in different classes to them, but by 5th year the school put us in the same class. I thought this would be fantastic. Finally in the same class as my best friends. But it wasnt.

Things just werent as "easy going" as they had once been and I could feel this strain somewhat, and, whilst it had become clear in TY there was without a doubt I was the unofficial "loser" in the group. They used to find the smallest things I did annoying, just lots of little things.

By 6th year the school rearranged classes and I was left separate from my friends once again, we had the odd class together, but only a few. My friends had formed a new circle of friends, these same people had kind of been hanging out with us during lunch times in 5th year. However the new additions to our group just didnt seem to like me, they were cold and distant and just seemed to have a disdain towards me even my original friends acknowledged that they just didnt seem to like me, for which there seemed to be no reason.

My birthday was towards the end of the year and 1 of my original friends was about half a month later, and she shared the same dob with one of these newer members. And it was on my 18th birthday when they were discussing what their birthday plans they let something slip.....they had been going out as a distinct group of friends for over a year, to restaurants and shopping and each others houses (something which was an annual treat amongst me and my original friends) they had only let it slip in that "weve been to the bistro before" when I asked what this meant it was shrugged off, but when I asked again my friend snapped at me. That was a heartbreaking moment for me....knowing that they were doing all this mature grown up stuff together, consistently, things I had only ever dreamed of, as a group of friends, and all a secret from me, behind my back, I was never supposed to find out. None the less on the last day of school,(3 days after this incident) I came into school to find I was the only person out f that "group" in (many people take the last day off) I had bought my original (as they were my best) friends Christmas presents earlier and was going to give it to them despite my hurt feelings, one of them lived close to the school so I went there afterwards just to drop it off. My friends answered the door in her "Sunday best" all new clothes a pair of heels and her make up done (we never wore make up to school or when we went shopping) when I asked her why did she look so nice she replied that she was bored and wanted to practice make up......it was an obvious lie. Just how she told it and her face as she said it.

So skip forward to our debs. At this point our debs was supposed to be on a Friday, I facebooked one of my friends asking if we were getting ready at any of our houses together (as is debs tradition) I had sent this message 5 days before our debs. I never got a reply. I went to the debs having got ready by myself in my own house and told my friend I had fbed her to which she replied she hadnt gotten it and hadnt been on fb since the previous week, that she had went from straight her house to the hotel. FB the following morning said otherwise. That "message seen" feature was brand new to fb at the time and she had seen my message 20 minutes after I sent it and she had went round to one of the other girls houses prior to the debs for photos and champagne. When I asked her about it she made up a lame ass excuse and I didnt want to push it so I let it slide........but the thing is things like this have been happening constantly over the past year, there are just so many countless other examples of thing like that happening...... and now were in college and I realised the last few times we met up I had been the one who organised it, one of my original friends wasnt even going to invite me to her birthday party (and i think the other one also had a birthday party which i was never told about)....I told them at new year how this was hurting me, being kept secrets from, seeing on fb them constantly out and I was never invited or told about.....i thought things might get better after I told them that, but once again fb shows up pictures of them together out on a particular weekend, a weekend which I had told them I was completely free on

That was mid March so I decided to cut my losses and just stop contacting them....it took them a month to notice they hadnt chatted to me in a while....i didnt reply to their fb messages (ive since deactivated my account) but they have texted/snapchatted me with "we havent chatted in so long, this is concerning" i tried to keep conversations to a minimal saying I deactivated my account because I had exams etc. one of them even invited me up to dublin where she is in college.

Like they have been good friends in the past, in fact one of them had come up to my college town earlier this year, but something kinda happened to me and she basically had her weekend destroyed looking after me. But its the secrets and lies and constantly going out.....even after I told them it was upsetting me. Sure separate friends that arent mutual, its fine, I dont mind that, but its the fact that this is constant....I have only ever been out twice in my hometown, once for my grad mass and once for a neighbours 21st. I have tried organising a night out for us prior to this but they werent really going for it, we had decided to go drinking instead but then that was when I found out about my friends birthday and it just kind of blew up in her face cause that was why we were meant to be going drinking...and yada yada yada.

I just need advice....please dont be harsh, I realise this is pointless and whiny but I dont know where to go from here.

Ave Sodalis

It's really quite simple OP, cut your losses and find a new set of friends in college. These things happen, people grow up and mature differently and that means losing and gaining different friends. Forget about them and join a new club or society to find other friends. It's not worth the headache of latching onto something that's long gone.

nc19

It would appear to me that they grew apart from you for whatever reason(as happens with kids) and instead of just accepting it and moving on and finding new friends you are desperately trying to save somethng thats long gone.

People who are friends in their early teens rarely are still as good friends if at all but the time college arrives

They want to move on. Let them, and you move on too.

thefeatheredcat

They're not exactly offering friendship. They're contacting you I would guess probably out of maybe feeling bad in phasing you out and it's really a method to release them from any guilt of anything that might have hurt you over the last while to make themselves feel better.

I don't think the sudden concerns for you are that genuine either, at least I don't see anything of great substance or anything meaningful in their actions. Think it's more of a being seen to make an effort, rather than any real friendship being offered.

I'd move on regardless. You're in college, you have great potential and plenty of opportunities to make new friends from your course to other courses and through the different societies offered and socially.

OP you're in college, find a new group of friends you have more in common with.

Stavro Mueller

After reading all that I'm angry on your behalf. Honestly, why on earth do you want to be friends with these people after the way they've treated you. At some stage early on when they were making plans, they made the decision to exclude you from your socialising and have done to great lengths to keep it that way. It's clear that your desperation to maintain these old friendships blinded you to what was happening before your eyes. Sitting in front of a screen here I could see exactly where this was going from the second paragraph onwards.

The good news is that you're in college now and have a great opportunity to make new friends. If you've been hung-up on your old friends this year, make a concerted effort to make new ones next year. Join some clubs/societies, chat more to your classmates etc. Consign this lot to the history books and learn from it. You're selling yourself short by trying to keep in with them - the friendships are never going to be the way they were so take off those rose-tinted glasses.

Chara1001

I actually feel really bad for you after reading that. It must have been horrible, so upsetting with wondering what they were saying about you, paranoid about something you might/ might not have done.... ugh an utter mind f**k. And it lasted YEARS!

The good thing is that you're not still stuck in school with them, you're in college with tons of potential proper friends and a new life.

I agree that them contacting you and the concern they're talking about is false- i immediately thought they were doing it to
assuage themselves of guilt- not concern for you. At all.

It's going to be hard to just forget it, it might take a while and you could become very angry about it, especially if you don't know why it happened, but it's over now. The best thing to do is to treat yourself really well, you've got so much ahead of you.
you're right to delete your fbook account and seriously- don't reply to any messages, it could all just blow up again and you're back where you were, wondering what they're saying about you now.

You got through it op, it's no wonder you're hurting but you'll be ok as long as you leave these people in the past.
Best of luck:)

retro:electro

I agree with chara I felt really bad for you reading this. You need to stay away from these girls OP they sound horrible. I don't know why they would do that to you, nobody deserves that. You turning up at one girls house with a gift for her after how she treated you just goes to show how lovely you are albeit slightly naive. You need to focus on making new friendships, ones where you feel appreciated. I've no doubt you will so I wish you the best of luck.

ahnow

Here, they're a pack of bitches, and you don't deserve that treatment. Block them all on facebook, and delete their numbers and delete their messages.
You have a great opportunity now in college to get out there and make friends that you deserve, that wont go behind your back and make you feel like ****.
I speak from experience about this, cut them off completely and take your power back. They are not your friends and are not deserving of ANY of your time or energy. Stopping yourself from thinking about them will take time, but you will get there. Put your energy into college and joining clubs and societies in there.
Dont give those bitches an inch anymore, they've wasted enough of your time.
You'll be amazed at the lovely people you'll meet when you put yourself out there, and you'll be doubley amazed that you put up with such ****ty treatment for so long. You deserve so much better.

Rubberchikken

You sound like a nice person who now has an opportunity to leave these girls behind and move on and make new friends.

People change, for whatever reason these gurls couldnt/wouldnt remain good friends with you.

Not your fault. These things happen. Someday you'll look back and wonder why you ever let it bother you.
Stay strong

stickybookmark

slightly different advice...i've had similar happen to me when i was your age. it sounds like these friends are from your hometown. you will always be from there and so you won't be able to avoid them forever. it's not nice to feel for example that you can't go out in your own hometown because of falling out with people.

so i'd recommend downgrading them from 'a' friends to 'b' or 'c' friends. Think of them more like acquaintances or members of your outer social circle. not 'go-to' friends, not friends that know week-to-week what's going on in your life (or even month-to-month) but friends that you catch up with maybe once or twice a year like at Christmas for example. Once you've downgraded them in your head (which you already have and well done you by the way for not continuing to let yourself be treated like muck) you'll find that your expectations of them drop down very low and hence you won't be disappointed.
Have you heard the expression 'fake it til you make it'? Act as if it was you who decided to drift apart from these particular friends because you've got so many better things to do with your time. Rise above this and be the bigger/better person. No need to delete their numbers and no need for any dramatics just quietly and with dignity decide that they are now downgraded.

And then follow all the excellent advice here about making the most out of college. it really is the most fantastic place to make friends with like-minded people so throw yourself into it and best of luck

LegacyUser

Hi Im the op

I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you for your lovely words of advice, Im actually amazed yee took the time to and managed to read my post and took the time and effort to post a reply. I'd like each and every one of your posts if I could but this is just a guest account. Thank you so much for your kind words, comfort, and advice. It has meant so much and helped clear up my somewhat muddled and confused mind It honest is greatly appreciated, thank you everyone so much

Ande1975

Hi Op,

I just came across this thread and I just wanted to say that you have handled this situation with great maturity and grace.
You are too good for these girls. I know its disappointing when you lose friendships like this but you handled this perfectly.
It hurts like hell but these years are really tough when it comes to relationships (platonic or otherwise) but it happens for a reason and that reason is to teach us how to handle life, relationships and toughens you up by these experiences.
You are WAY ahead of your peers so pat yourself on the back. You are a great friend and you never stop making them... I'm 40 and I still make new friends.
Stuff that would have bothered me at your age, doesn't now as I've learned because it happened to me too.

Take care

LegacyUser

Your in college, make friends there with people you've more in common with. I don't think it's fair to label these girls as bitches or anything of the like. It sounds like you grew apart as many people in secondary do but all being young weren't able to deal with it on either side in a more mature fashion. I've not remained in contact with anyone I went to secondary school, we've nothing in common at all. When I go home I might see some out and about and I'll say hi and share some news maybe but they are acquaintances not friends.

Facebook has made keeping in touch with people we aren't really close friends with easier which has both it's ups and downs...in your case OP it's likely without the likes of facebook you would have found the friendships would have phased out while still in school. Bunch of people I went to school with friended me on facebook and for a month made this big effort to catch and talk about meeting up and then it all phased out again because there was a reason we didn't stay in touch after finishing school and I just removed them all from FB. Time to move on.

LegacyUser

Hi Im the OP and I decided to reopen this thread as it was just simpler than rewriting out all of my original message and then explaining how circumstances have changed since then....guys I need your advice again (If thats ok with the mods.....Im not sure about the policy on reopening old threads but circumstances have changed)

So I was taking the great advice I got here, and fading these 2 people out of my life. I was only giving brief responses when they contacted me (they did this a few times).....one of these girls called me out on it, the other didnt realise my responses were short. I had to reactivate my fb acc. for a few days but I then deactivated it agin. I then had to reactivate it where I discovered one of them had opened a group message for the 3 of us...they were complaining to s ome extent how my brief responses were getting on their nerves and deactivating my fb account was annoying. 1 of these girls is on snap chat and we had been snapchatting somewhat but she didnt realise my responses were short, that I was trying to avoid her. So it was from this group message on FB I discovered that one of he girls (not on snapchat) mother has cancer....

I decided to step up to the plate, get over my qualms and contact this girl telling her how sorry I was to hear about her mum and that maybe we should meet up on Friday....so that was a little under a week ago and Ive been contacting them ever since. However the other girl contacted me today and told me she was headed to Teneriefe tomorrow (today). Grand. What I have since discovered is shes not going with family, shes going with the same group of girls shes been going on nights out with/day trips/ditched me at the debs for, all the things I wasnt supposed to find out about. And its just reared up all that heartbreak and sadness all over agin So now IDK want to do, I don't know what to say to this girl, or should I consider still fading her out, and what do I do about the girl whos mum has cancer (she couldnt go I imagine because of her mum/she has a job), theyve both hurt me in equal doses but I dont want to be the horrible one here and ditch my friend whos mum is unwell.....

And lets say I did. These were 2 people who I considered to be my best friends, one of them since primary school. I'm really terrible at making friends, I'm very introverted and boring....I joined many societies in College but I just cant make friendships.....I have people I talk to in my course (chit chat), but I wouldnt consider them friends, so essentially Im left friendless. No one to talk to or do things with and I'm just at a loss.

Ave Sodalis

Hi again OP.
You have done all that it required of you with regard to the friend with the sick mother. You have offered your condolences and a shoulder. Whether that friend wants to take you up on it, it's up to her but it is no longer your concern until she does, if she does. You have no obligation to go seek her out about it. About the other friend, cut her out. Ignore the fact she is going on holidays with other friends. Yeah, she lied to you about it but it would seem she has a bit of a track for that. Allowing yourself to continue to care what she does will only end in tears.
With regard making new friends, try a small society or club and go to their social evenings and competitions if they have any. Become a part of it. Could I ask which college you go to? You dont have to say but if I knew, I could ask around to see which club or society is best for this, if I know someone in the college.
Believe me OP, I know it's hard making friends when you're introverted. However "fake it til you make it" really works. If you can't do that then stick around until you get comfortable with people. I am fairly introverted myself. I used to be extremely introverted. There's nothing wrong with it.

nc19

Stuck in a Rut wrote: »

Hi Im the OP and I decided to reopen this thread as it was just simpler than rewriting out all of my original message and then explaining how circumstances have changed since then....guys I need your advice again (If thats ok with the mods.....Im not sure about the policy on reopening old threads but circumstances have changed)

So I was taking the great advice I got here, and fading these 2 people out of my life. I was only giving brief responses when they contacted me (they did this a few times).....one of these girls called me out on it, the other didnt realise my responses were short. I had to reactivate my fb acc. for a few days but I then deactivated it agin. I then had to reactivate it where I discovered one of them had opened a group message for the 3 of us...they were complaining to s ome extent how my brief responses were getting on their nerves and deactivating my fb account was annoying. 1 of these girls is on snap chat and we had been snapchatting somewhat but she didnt realise my responses were short, that I was trying to avoid her. So it was from this group message on FB I discovered that one of he girls (not on snapchat) mother has cancer....

I decided to step up to the plate, get over my qualms and contact this girl telling her how sorry I was to hear about her mum and that maybe we should meet up on Friday....so that was a little under a week ago and Ive been contacting them ever since. However the other girl contacted me today and told me she was headed to Teneriefe tomorrow (today). Grand. What I have since discovered is shes not going with family, shes going with the same group of girls shes been going on nights out with/day trips/ditched me at the debs for, all the things I wasnt supposed to find out about. And its just reared up all that heartbreak and sadness all over agin So now IDK want to do, I don't know what to say to this girl, or should I consider still fading her out, and what do I do about the girl whos mum has cancer (she couldnt go I imagine because of her mum/she has a job), theyve both hurt me in equal doses but I dont want to be the horrible one here and ditch my friend whos mum is unwell.....

And lets say I did. These were 2 people who I considered to be my best friends, one of them since primary school. I'm really terrible at making friends, I'm very introverted and boring....I joined many societies in College but I just cant make friendships.....I have people I talk to in my course (chit chat), but I wouldnt consider them friends, so essentially Im left friendless. No one to talk to or do things with and I'm just at a loss.

You need to tell these people why you are upset. Ask them to explain why they left you out. If the reasons are legit you need to decide if you can move forward as friends. If they say they have moved on from the friendship or something similar then you need to tell them you are moving on yourself.

you dont need to be someones after thought.

LegacyUser

OP you sound like a really nice, caring person. Reading your first post and your latest post today it seems you may have gone a few steps forward and then went right back to where you were. Friendships change dramatically as people get older, especially when school finishes. You really need to stop looking backwards at the way things were when you were good friends with these people. The way they acted by excluding you etc. is not the way real friends act. The friendship you once had is gone and your attachment to it is now holding you back.

I don't think you need to start phasing people out, or doing anything dramatic. You just need to start looking forward and filling your life with new friends and interests. And college is one of the best chances you have for that. Once you get a new social group going the childish way your other "friends" are acting will of much less concern. No offence, but they sound like a pack of bitches who know exactly how to manipulate you - telling you about the cancer while heading off on holidays.

I know that is easier said than done, and making new friends can be difficult, but is a much better thing to work on than trying to rebuild the past.

stickybookmark

There was no need to get back in touch with the friend who doesn't have a sick mother? Resume your original approach with her (fade her out).
And if there's any doubt in your mind about that approach look at the hurt she's caused you just by getting back into contact with her for 1 week!! You find out hurtful things that cause you upset. Go back to what you were doing with her.

As for the one who's mother is sick, a little more contact with her, but make it individual contact with her, not group fb messages or group anything messages. Check in with her from time to time (individual message) to see how she's doing. Be sensitive but be aware that you're doing this because it's the right thing to do for an old friend who's mother isn't well. Don't mistake it for anything that it's not i.e. that it reflects anything about a future friendship with this girl. If you grew up with her you probably know her mother and it's appropriate that you would be concerned.

And don't ever, ever describe yourself as 'boring' !! Have a bit more confidence in yourself. There was quiet lads and extroverts in my class in college and it never made any difference to how many friends people had. What people value in another person is their strength of character, regardless of whether[/B]they're quiet or not. Be nice to people and it'll rebound back on you. It takes time to develop friendships so don't ever feel like you have to resort to these girls from your home town because that's all you deserve, you deserve ALOT better than that but you need to believe that yourself first, really believe it, before it will happen to you.

LegacyUser

sup_dude wrote: »

Hi again OP.
You have done all that it required of you with regard to the friend with the sick mother. You have offered your condolences and a shoulder. Whether that friend wants to take you up on it, it's up to her but it is no longer your concern until she does, if she does. You have no obligation to go seek her out about it. About the other friend, cut her out. Ignore the fact she is going on holidays with other friends. Yeah, she lied to you about it but it would seem she has a bit of a track for that. Allowing yourself to continue to care what she does will only end in tears.
With regard making new friends, try a small society or club and go to their social evenings and competitions if they have any. Become a part of it. Could I ask which college you go to? You dont have to say but if I knew, I could ask around to see which club or society is best for this, if I know someone in the college.
Believe me OP, I know it's hard making friends when you're introverted. However "fake it til you make it" really works. If you can't do that then stick around until you get comfortable with people. I am fairly introverted myself. I used to be extremely introverted. There's nothing wrong with it.

Hi, OP here again

I go to NUIG.

@nc19
I did say it to the girl with the sick mother (who in turn told the girl who has gone on holiday) that I was hurt when they had went out on New Years Eve and didnt invite me.....she told me the reason why is that the other members of that group just never invite me and keep me out for some reason so its just easier to go out with them and me and and the girl whos gone on holidays at different times......(but that being said she goes out with the girl on holidays with that group constantly, the way thats phrased would make you think that the girl whos gone out on holiday is never invited out either but nope, theyre both out constantly with this "group", Im the only person being left out, and the way its phrase youd think that neither of them had organised an outing for this "group" but I absolutely fail to believe that.)

Also thank you to everyone for your kind words and advice, its really greatly appreciated Thank you soooo much

thefeatheredcat

With the girl whose mother is ill.... look all you can do is show your sympathy but you don't need to be guilted into maintaining a friendship with her for the sake of it, if you don't want to. I'd be careful in letting yourself be used as a crutch during this time and re-establishing the friendship - or being given the impression of that - only to be given the cold shoulder in the future when you're no longer needed. You deserve a lot better than that! You can show your support and sympathy to her but I wouldn't lay awake worrying about this girl or how she may be coping with it all, or looking to repeatedly contact but getting nothing back. I'd leave it up to her to make contact, if you have tried already to contact her and heard nothing back. And I'd leave it at that until she gets back to you.

With the other girl.... I don't really see what else you can do there really, except just let it fizzle out. And yes, you should use how you have felt over the last while in contact with them both as a reminder and motivator to move on with your life. It's summer. There's stuff going on around the country. Make the most of it and enjoy. Put your own enjoyment and happiness ahead of worrying over these two girls, they're off doing their thing, you should go off and do your own thing. Have your own adventures. Even if in college, meet people in groups and clubs outside of college too. People are always looking for friends through various means, and I think if you were to cut yourself a little slack, allow yourself to get some distance from friends who hurt you and allow your confidence to grow, to appreciate yourself for who you are you'll be happy with yourself and accepting of making friends and open to it without even thinking about it!

I have to ask though, does having contact with either one of them, with or without the knowledge of their mother being ill, does it make you feel stressed or any way unhappy? If so you may want to re-evaluate flitting between continuing contact and no contact to just moving on from them altogether, because swaying between the two is just going to prevent you from really being happy with that hanging over your head.

Even if you feel bad about going doing stuff alone.... don't be. Some of the best adventures I've had in life have been on my own, it allowed me to suit myself in what I wanted to do and sometimes you can just meet interesting people along the way.

Stavro Mueller

Stuck in a Rut wrote: »

I decided to step up to the plate, get over my qualms and contact this girl telling her how sorry I was to hear about her mum and that maybe we should meet up on Friday....so that was a little under a week ago and I've been contacting them ever since. However the other girl contacted me today and told me she was headed to Tenerife tomorrow (today). Grand. What I have since discovered is she's not going with family, she's going with the same group of girls she's been going on nights out with/day trips/ditched me at the debs for, all the things I wasn't supposed to find out about. ....

The bit I've bolded is what you need to bear in mind through all of this. I know it hurts to see who your friend's off to Tenerife with but maybe it's a timely reminder of where you stand. Your face didn't fit when they became friends with these other girls and you were sidelined. I'm seeing nothing to suggest that has changed.

What's making this problem worse is that you've not made any new friends since you left school. Maybe being in this 3 girl clique growing up didn't do you any good - maybe it means you're not so practised when it comes to making friends? What happened to you and your two friends probably gave your confidence a bash as well. Not only did you lose your two best friends but you were picked on by the group.

Your biggest problem is that you don't value yourself. You sound like a lovely big-hearted young woman and the sort of person most people would love to have as a friend. Don't undervalue yourself. I doubt you're boring at all - after all you did hold down a friendship with your two pals for years. Try not to take it personally that they phased you out. A lot of people start losing contact with their old classmates when they're your age. It's unfortunate that it was done to you in an unpleasant fashion.

Back to the question you asked, you need to be wary. The girl whose mum has cancer may be glad to have a sympathetic ear at a tough time for her but don't mistake that for a desire to be best buddies again.

How to phase someone out, by the way, isn't by short replies to messages. Not initiating texts and taking your own good time to reply to them is the way to go

Stavro Mueller

Stuck in a Rut wrote: »

I did say it to the girl with the sick mother (who in turn told the girl who has gone on holiday) that I was hurt when they had went out on New Years Eve and didnt invite me.....she told me the reason why is that the other members of that group just never invite me and keep me out for some reason so its just easier to go out with them and me and and the girl whos gone on holidays at different times......(but that being said she goes out with the girl on holidays with that group constantly, the way thats phrased would make you think that the girl whos gone out on holiday is never invited out either but nope, theyre both out constantly with this "group", Im the only person being left out, and the way its phrase youd think that neither of them had organised an outing for this "group" but I absolutely fail to believe

You're going to have to accept that your friends have other pals in their lives now. You said in your original post that these were hostile to you. What is it that you want? Your friends to ditch them? You to be invited out with people who don't want you there?

They're entitled to be friends with whoever they like and they're doing nothing wrong by organising outings with them. Maybe the girl who went to Tenerife didn't tell you til the last minute because she knew it'd be awkward to break the news and it'd hurt you. Or that she didn't want to go down the road of explaining why she was travelling with them and not you. I'm afraid being their oldest friend is meaningless. People change as they grow up and it's looking like your friends now have more in common with these girls now. They're now their main group of friends and you're less important to them. They outgrew the friendship and you've not.

I hope you have better luck making friends in your next year at NUIG. You still have something of a schoolgirl's view of friendship and that's not healthy. What happens if you have to move away for a job when you graduate? Or your two friends go to Australia? You can't hold on to them forever. Most people will tell you that they're no longer in touch with their old school friends.

When you go back to college get involved with a club that meets regularly. Not one that organises lectures and then serves up snakebite afterwards (I might be showing my age here ) but something more interactive. One where you'll be doing something and seeing the same faces week in week out. It takes time but you'll get there.