Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Need Advice

Options
  • 17-04-2014 11:39am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi All,

    This is really bugging me I have met a guy who is 11 years older than me I'm 24 and he is 35. The age doesn't bother me personally at all. It's just my family seem to think he's too old. There is daggers put in from every angle from my immediate family and trying to tell me to dump him. I've been seeing him two months and am mad about him its just the hassle at home is really starting to bring me down. He is a good guy, when we spend weekends together and time together I am so happy with him and hate having to say goodbye. I would move out but financially I cant afford it. Anything they can find wrong with him they will point it out and constantly keep on and on about it. Something as minimal as him working on his parents farm or helping his parents out.

    I know I'm ranting here but I'd just like to know what people think should I throw away my happiness with this guy just cos my family think they are right or hang in there and fight for what I believe in?


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    StripedBoxers
    Registered Users Posts: 5,112 ✭✭✭StripedBoxers


    Tell your family to mind their own business and quit the comments about him.

    Point out that who you see is your business and ask them how they would feel if you pointed out X, Y and Z about them or their partners, they wouldn't like it on bit.

    I can't understand anyone who sticks their oar in where its not needed or wanted.


  • Options
    #3
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Why are you even caring about what they think? You are an adult. Make your own decisions. Dont talk to them about him, and dont let them run him down either - firmly tell them its not up for discussion /they were not asked for their opinion and leave the room if they continue.

    How anyone could possibly see a man looking out for his ageing parents and supporting them as a bad thing, suggests that your family has stupid opinions.


  • Options
    #4
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    A man that volunteers to work, and helps out his parents when he can? Yes, obviously something to take issue with...:rolleyes:

    You might be still living under their roof, but you are still an adult and as such have the absolute right to have somebody in your life that makes you happy. Too often we have threads here from members who married the wrong person, or are not happy in their relationship, and are trying to struggle through the day to day of just being with that person. It's nice to see somebody post here to say how happy they are with their partner.

    Next time they decide to get the boot in, stop them mid sentence and remind them that who you see is your business and yours alone. Don't engage any debate over the matter, just walk away. I imagine that they'll tire of talking to an empty room soon enough, and will let up. If they don't though, give serious consideration to moving out. Your happiness is worth more than a free room in your parents house, if it means putting up with daily abuse like that.


  • Options
    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the replies so far I have stopped talking to them about it but then they text when your at work or ring. I feel so worn down from it. He is a rock to me but I think only being with him two months he might think its too much and take off running. My family have had an argument with him before and he just doesn't reply to them anymore but I do know he is worried about the effect it is having on me


  • Options
    #6
    cazzer22
    Registered Users Posts: 501 ✭✭✭cazzer22


    Your relationship is your relationship and that's all that matters.
    If you're happy then that's the main thing.
    Your family will come around I'm sure, but it's not their right to question whether or not this guy is right for you.
    He seems like a good guy, judging by what you've said, relax and enjoy what seems to be a good relationship and everything else will follow :)


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    What Would You DO? wrote: »
    I know I'm ranting here but I'd just like to know what people think should I throw away my happiness with this guy just cos my family think they are right or hang in there and fight for what I believe in?


    It's a tough one OP because I've seen both sides of the fence on this one - my own family couldn't stand my girlfriend, though I'd been living away from home since I was 16 and I was now 20, so their opinion didn't count for a whole lot anyway, and my girlfriend at the time was being told stories about me from my friends, whose opinion I learned I couldn't count on. We've all since got over it, only took 17 years, and she's my wife now!


    And then there was my sister in law who got with a guy when she was 22 and he was 42, and she figured the sun shone from his rear end, but she was living at home and so was he, and you might think on paper "so?", but if you actually met the guy, lovely chap, but clearly not firing on all cylinders, and we all knew this guy was harmless, but my sister in law was immature and wanted to shove him in her parents faces (her parents are pretty relaxed about their daughters relationships), to the point where she was inviting this guy to come back to her parents place after he'd been out drinking. He was still harmless when he was drunk, but the two of them subjecting the rest of the house to their nocturnal manoeuvres was a bit much! Of course she thought everyone was against her and they had a problem simply because of his age. Obviously it was more than that.

    They eventually broke up anyway and she started going out with another guy who was twice her age, and this guy was far from as harmless as the first guy, he was a complete ass, but this time their daughter moved out and moved in with him, and no amount of pointing out to her how much of an ass this guy was would change her view that he was this great guy and he was lovely, etc.

    She'll tell you herself now that ten years later she's with a different guy completely, just how much of an ass this guy was. Her current guy is an ass too btw, but sometimes you just have to let people learn for themselves.

    Your guy could be a great guy, and your family could be wrong, but without any context it's hard to say whether they might have a point or not. One thing that IS certain however, is that while you're under your parent's roof, is that no matter what age you are, they still have a right to comment on your life, and if you don't want to put up with listening to that - move out, or move in with your boyfriend.


  • Options
    #8
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    What Would You DO? wrote: »
    Thanks for the replies so far I have stopped talking to them about it but then they text when your at work or ring. I feel so worn down from it. He is a rock to me but I think only being with him two months he might think its too much and take off running. My family have had an argument with him before and he just doesn't reply to them anymore but I do know he is worried about the effect it is having on me

    You're going to have to develop some backbone - if they stand going on about him on the phone tell them politely but firmly that it's none of their business or that they've made their point and end the call. If they text, reply back that the issue is not up for discussion and ignore anything else that is sent their way. It's not always easy to meet someone you really like so why throw it all away just because your family don't approve. It's all well and good for them to throw brickbats - I bet they're all happily settled down in their own relationships. What would be the ultimate nightmare is to break up with this guy and to find yourself wondering "what if?" in the years to come. Don't let it come to that.


  • Options
    #9
    Meauldsegosha
    Registered Users Posts: 7,595 ✭✭✭Meauldsegosha


    What Would You DO? wrote: »
    I've been seeing him two months and am mad about him ... I am so happy with him and hate having to say goodbye. I would move out?
    What Would You DO? wrote: »
    He is a rock to me

    OP, I would look at this a different way to the other posters. I find it strange when someone makes statements like the ones above after dating for only two months. Do you normally throw yourself into relationships? Rush in and get full on too quickly. Then when things go wrong your family have to pick up the pieces. Maybe your family are just concerned for you.

    You said in your first post you were ranting so maybe we are not getting the full story.


  • Options
    #10
    loalae
    Registered Users Posts: 547 ✭✭✭loalae


    If they're only against him because he's a bit older than you then I think you should stick to your guns. Seems close-minded and a little bit controlling.

    But is there any chance that there's another reason they think he's unsuitable? Could they have a point about him? Maybe they can see something you don't and want to protect you.

    You're the expert in your own life so you know what's best for you but there's no harm in listening to your family's concerns.


  • Options
    #11
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    Even if the family are right to have reservations, they're overstepping the mark enormously in my opinion. The OP's an adult and it's her relationship, not theirs. She knows they object and there's no harm in looking at what else they might be objecting to. Perhaps they are seeing things the OP's too loved up to see. But in my opinion, the family's wrong in continually telling her to dump him and running him down.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for all the replies. Its just the age is the big issue. My younger sister who is 20 stuck the dagger in further saying she didnt like him claiming he hit on her when in actual fact she hit on him and he rejected her. He kept the Facebook messages incase we needed to show them but my parents just took my sisters word for it and blackened him more. If you ask them why are they so against us its the same thing what do ye have in common, look at the age gap, hes an old man, his older brother looks younger than him its endless.

    I know some people think its because they see something I don't it's not that. They don't want me to be with anyone except my ex and until I get back with him they will make sure if they can to break me up with the fella Im with now


Advertisement