Not talking at work

LegacyUser

Just wanted peoples opinions on whether or not this comes across as a flaw or something that I should change about myself. Basically, I started my first job after college a few months ago. It is a typical "office" job. The problem is I don't really talk at work. I go in, do the work, have a brief chat sometimes at lunch time about trivial things like football or travel plans and then I get on with working and not talking. I've been pretty shy most of my life so I guess that doesn't help. I'd consider myself a really good judge of character and what other people think of me and I know for a fact that there are guys in there who think I am odd - just from the way they look at me and/or ignore me. I also know that it takes a certain kind of person for me to click with and there aren't any sitting in close proximity to me at work. I have a sense of humour but I'm not a funny person a such. I laugh at funny things but I don't get on too well with people who are always trying to be funny or people who seem to talk just for the sake of talking. Just curious as to whether I am blowing this out of proportion. Is it a common thing to just see work as a job and not talk that much?

LegacyUser

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you OP! You are how you are and don't change for anyone!

There was a guy like you in my job and he was the same, just small talk at lunch and when he left, the bosses actually said he was the best worker because he just came in and did his work and went home at finish time! They obviously liked how he didn't distract others and just got the head down. In my opinion, people will think what they want of you no matter what way you are, so be yourself and don't try change for anyone..

Follaton_Wood

OP I'm a girl and I'm pretty similar. My actual job involves being very social with clients, so when it comes to colleagues I really just don't have the energy for idle chit chat. I'm sure many of them think I'm 'quiet' and a little odd at times, but I'm really just not fussed about talking to people who don't interest me. What I would say is, go in and do your job, be polite when people speak to you - and no-one has grounds to complain. You're under no obligation to make best friends in there!

Wanderer2010

OP, this is in fact a very common thing in workplaces- you get people who are very very shy or lack confidence and they need a few weeks to scour the lay of the land or pick up on the culture so they keep the head down and say nothing, and this can be misinterpreted by others as being aloof or odd. But the same people can change their mind about you when you relax a bit and show you are just naturally quiet, people are more prone to change than you might give them credit for.

There is also the group of people who will always judge you for not being exactly like them, but such people are in the minority and it doesnt matter what the hell they think, very few people genuinely like someone like that. The best advise is to just keep being yourself and keep it up, things will settle down after a while OP. Not everyone has to be a talker..

Dellnum

I think it is important to look pleasant and to respond to people in a nice way. You are there to work but it is also important to get along with your fellow workers and be part of a team. You don't have to spend your day chatting but you have to join in from time to time or yes you will be regarded as being odd. Even if you are shy OP you have to be seen to make an effort, it is all part of the job.

Matteroffact

Yes, I would agree with Dellnum, you want to do a good job but you also have to "fit in" in a job. Keeping yourself to yourself is not regarded as fitting in. No matter how good you are at your job you won't be happy unless you fit in. It may require an effort at first but it will get easier as you go on. I do believe that this is a requirement of any job, to be part of a team who all get along.

Rosy Posy

I would be somewhat similar to you, op, in that I have limited capacity for idle chit chat but am not shy as such with people with whom I click. I've had jobs where, like you, I just haven't really clicked or made the effort to be excessively social, but I've also had jobs where I've gone against my instincts with an effort to be sociable and gregarious and found it really draining after a time. If it's not natural to you to be this way with these particular people don't force yourself as IME it's unsustainable. Of course don't be rude but there's nothing wrong with keeping to yourself as long as you get the work done. And for goodness sake don't waste your time and energy worrying about what other people think of you. Even if it might cross someone's mind that you're a bit of an odd bod (and lots of the best people are ) I promise you it's fleeting and ultimately inconsequential- most people are much more concerned about their own lives!

Pawwed Rig

To go slightly against the grain here I am going to disagree with many of the previous posts. You will find in the workplace that your success will depend on many factors. The first which you seem to be good at is working hard. That is the base point and tbh is a minimum expectation. After that you are expected to be able to work in teams and show leadership skills. These are the skills that will get you ahead and gain promotions and where you seem to be suffering (which I can relate to). It is essential to have a good working relationship with your colleagues. Irish people tend to be very social in that a meeting will start with a bit of idle chit chat before getting down to the work part as will many one on one chats.

I would suggest you could try a toastmasters club. These are social events where groups chat about defined topics in a safe environment. It also aims to increase your confidence in dealing with people and helps develop public speaking (all at your own pace). Many high up people in organisations would recommend toastmasters.

tinkerbell

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

To go slightly against the grain here I am going to disagree with many of the previous posts. You will find in the workplace that your success will depend on many factors. The first which you seem to be good at is working hard. That is the base point and tbh is a minimum expectation. After that you are expected to be able to work in teams and show leadership skills. These are the skills that will get you ahead and gain promotions and where you seem to be suffering (which I can relate to). It is essential to have a good working relationship with your colleagues. Irish people tend to be very social in that a meeting will start with a bit of idle chit chat before getting down to the work part as will many one on one chats.

This. If you just get on with the job and don't make some chit chat with your colleagues, you are giving off the impression that you are unapproachable and that you don't work that well in teams. There's a balance between getting the job done and being sociable with your colleagues.

Follaton_Wood

tinkerbell wrote: »

This. If you just get on with the job and don't make some chit chat with your colleagues, you are giving off the impression that you are unapproachable and that you don't work that well in teams. There's a balance between getting the job done and being sociable with your colleagues.

I agree you need a balance, but some people take it to the extreme expecting you to be 'BFFs' just because you work together. For example, I will happily chat in work but on lunch break I steer clear of the canteen- because the last thing I want when I'm trying to chill out is some dude sitting talking ****e to me.

Wanderer2010

Always remember OP that the workplace is not a bar or club, you are there to be judged only on the quality of your work output which is much more important than talking about a GAA match or what drinks you like. I doubt many people care enough in the workplace to even notice if someone is a chatter or not. Keep the head down and get on with being a good worker..

Virgil°

Hi Op.

You posted here about this but are you actually having problems in work with it?

If you are then you may want to think about the way you are perceived by others. For instance if you come in every day and get your work done(most people in an actual job do this, its a minimum requirement) as you say but simply ignore others in the meantime they may come to see you as unfriendly and unhelpful which is never a nice way to be thought of.

I would regard myself as a very friendly and jokey person in work OP. I've been told as much. People know this and they feel that they can approach me about anything they need to. But I also get my work done while helping others with theirs, management take notice of this (trust me). It creates a nice office atmosphere.

By contrast OP I have worked in an office filled only with people as you describe yourself. And it was soul crushing. It felt like working in solitary confinement for 8 hours a day. So I left(I wasn't the only one).

So do whatever works for you OP. If your quiet demeanor isn't to the detriment of you and your teams work then don't worry about it.

LegacyUser

OP here again...

It's not that I sit in complete silence in an unfriendly manner and give off rude vibes. If somebody wants to ask me a question about the work I have done, I have no problem co-operating and talking to them about it. It's just that everyone else around me seems a lot more chatty than I am and I don't really contribute much. Thus, I feel bad when I see the "bigger" personalities chatting away like there's no tomorrow and they most likely think I'm an oddball for sitting there not saying anything. I completely change at lunch though and usually chat a good bit - but individually to people on the way to go get lunch as opposed to partcipating in the 4 or 5 person conversations that usually happen around me

Virgil°

NotATalker wrote: »

OP here again...

It's not that I sit in complete silence in an unfriendly manner and give off rude vibes. If somebody wants to ask me a question about the work I have done, I have no problem co-operating and talking to them about it. It's just that everyone else around me seems a lot more chatty than I am and I don't really contribute much. Thus, I feel bad when I see the "bigger" personalities chatting away like there's no tomorrow and they most likely think I'm an oddball for sitting there not saying anything. I completely change at lunch though and usually chat a good bit - but individually to people on the way to go get lunch as opposed to partcipating in the 4 or 5 person conversations that usually happen around me

It seems to me then the problem is in your head tbh. Do you know for a fact these people think you are odd? Or is there a chance you just think they do?

You don't sound in any way offensive. Don't feel bad just because there are people that are more extroverted around you during working hours.
Just plod along with your work and if you feel like you want to, engage with them.