How to become more than friends?

LegacyUser

So I'm in my mid twenties guy who doesn't really have any sort of track record with opposite sex. For example the last girl I kissed was seven years ago which is kinda depressing knowing that.

After a disastrous (socially) stint for a few years in a new city I moved to Dublin a few months ago I decided to make more efforts to have a better social life rather then waiting for it to happen. I joined a few meetup groups that did stuff that I was interested in. While I was a bit sceptical at first I now really enjoy the groups and have a lot of stuff on because it.

When you put both sexes together in a social setting things are bound to happen. So I have noticed that a few girls from the groups I am involved in have shown an interest in me (some unwanted too but that is a thread for another day) but the problem is I have no idea how to take it from there.

Some resent examples:
Girl A: Every time the group meets up we always flirt with each other but I just passed it off as some harmless fun. The last time we met up she a lot more touchy feely and at the end of the night she was hugging me a lot (I think this was for me to lean in and kiss her) and just before she left she said to me 'when are you going to ask me on date' but I just joked it off. If I am being honest I don't think I am looking for a relationship with her I am just looking for one thing (even if that makes me sound a bit of a dick). She is also leaving the county in a while too.

Girl B: Different group that meets once a week and I always end up taking to this really attractive girl. In recent weeks I have noticed she volatiles my person space by always touching me in so way like leaning up beside me which she doesn't really do with anyone else. One week she pretty much got my phone and added herself on my FB. I had a look through her friends and didn't see anyone else from the group (not my proudest moment). When I say I am leaving she leaves with me but I normally leave with just enough time for me to make my bus so I don't do anything. However I have overheard her talking about other dates she has gone on with one of her friends she came to the group with.

While I know need to 'grow a pair' and just ask if she wants to do something together but I am just too scared to ask. How can I overcome this?

Tokyo

OP,

you're posting here for advice on how to ask a girl out, but from your posts you don't really seem too interested in either girl as people you might want to spend time with. One thing I can tell you is that if you are approaching these situations simply from the point of view of wanting one thing, then (a) it's going to be obvious to all pretty quickly and (b) it could be a huge emotional setback for a girl who is in the same situation as yourself should you just use her like that.

If you have no other interest in Girl A other than to have sex with her, then leave her be, for her sake. There's a good chance that she's attending these groups to get past her own anxieties, and leading her on just to get her into bed could be very hurtful for her. If somebody messed you around like that, I imagine that it would take a while to bounce back from it.

Girl B you're not very clear on, but if you are interested in her for something more than sex, then follow up on it. IT doesn't have to be as awkward as "do you want to go on a date with me" - why not ask her if she wants to grab a coffee after one of your meetup groups sometime and get to know her outside of the organised group. You'll soon get a feel for whether she's interested in you, and it will give you an idea as to whether you are truly interested in her or not before taking things any further.

I have to wonder why you feel your personal space is being violated when this girl gets close. She's obviously trying to make it clear she likes you by getting close, but you seem uncomfortable with that. It's a very strong word, so maybe I'm reading the situation wrongly.

If you don't like her in close proximity, it's not a good sign for the future. Don't ask her out if you don't like her being near, it's not fair. It's also not fair to go out with the first girl for sex, although if she's leaving the country shortly she's unlikely to be looking for a serious thing herself and it may suit her, by you'll only find out by asking.

Mikros

Your post is full of contradictions. On one hand your asking how to become more than friends, worrying about not having kissed a girl in 7 years and two lines down you have a supposed problem with unwanted attention. The only barriers are the ones you are putting in your own way. First off I'd start by not looking at the first girl as something to use for "one thing" - it's not a great attitude to have towards another person who may well be in a similar boat looking to meet new people.

I think you might be thinking way too far down the line and whether a person would fit into whatever idea you have of a relationship. How about just taking it as it is right now, meeting up for a date or two and taking it as it comes. Don't look at people as a means to your own ends, but another person to enjoy their company with and share yours. Then see how thing's work out as you go along...

As for the second girl if you would like to get to know her better just ask her would she like to meet up outside the group for a coffee or a drink sometime. The "i have to get a bus" excuse is just that - leave 5 minutes earlier and if she walks with you just drop it into conversation. Don't worry about her talking about other dates - I would just read that as she is interested in meeting new people for dating. You really have nothing to lose.

Merkin

So you have little regard for the first girl and would only find her useful for casual sex and you find the second girl doesn't respect your personal space and you do your best to get way from her? And you want to know how to take things further romantically? Are you for real? You're obviously not remotely suited to either so why are you looking for dating tips?

karaokeman

There was a similar thread to this in RI ("I think I just put myself in the friend zone?").

OP, just be upfront about what you want. If you're interested in the girl and she shows you affection go for it, otherwise if you have no interest in the girl showing you affection move on, you'll find someone else whose feelings you'll reciprocate.

December2012

First things first - decide if you want to become more than friends.

ShowMeTheCash

Hi OP -The thread is a little suspect!
The person you seem to be trying to convay and the situations you talk about just don't add up.

It sounds like you are either not the peson you think you are or you are not the personal you are trying to describe.. I dunno!

To go from not kissing a girl in 7 years to having a "causual" sexual relationship it like trying to r(ide)un before you can walk!

Either way I am not sure the scenarios you put forward are valid, they all seem strange.

But here is my advise, ask girl B out. If she says yes you know. If she says no you can chalk down the violation of personal space as something your imagination has been allowed to dwell on perhaps too long.


Best of luck!