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Long Distance breakup and woes

  • 12-04-2014 3:56pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,
    Been in a long distance for the past year and half now. Hes in another continent and Iam over here. The communication was great and we spoke everyday. I even managed to secure a visa and we both lived with each other for nearly 8months. We both had our ups and downs throughout this time as we got to know each other and adjust to living with each other.

    At the moment, Iam waiting to see if I can get another visa to come over for longer, but the chances are slim due to the high demand for this visa. When I found this out I was gutted, as he has little chances for getting over here other than a tourist visa. I suggested marriage as an option for us, as this would close the gap on the LDR. He was not keen on this, and said he wanted more time for us to get to know each other.

    The pressure got to me, and knowing that all that was left for us was a possibility of seeing each other on tourist visas and the slim chance of me getting a visa added with the with no end of closing the LDR gap left me very upset. It all came to a head today and we had a big fight, with him telling me he wants to end it.

    Iam gutted, I dont know what to do. I feel I put so much in to this. Even taking a big risk to move over to his city to give it a go. Yet I feel he had a chance to make it work and he didnt want to commit to it. He got annoyed with me, and told me I had so much to offer in life etc. If I was that amazing to him, why has he let me go?. Iam in my mid 30's now, and the thoughts of being single again fills me with dread. I really would love to have a little family at this stage, but I feel that this may never happen now.


Comments

  • #2
    Sleepless and Manic
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 156 ✭✭Sleepless and Manic


    Nothing practical from me i'm afraid.

    I'm just so sorry you're hurt and going through this.


  • #3
    Smothered mum
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7 ✭Smothered mum


    I'm sure he's just as upset about all this as you are and once you both take a little step back and things cool down, you'll both be able to come at this again and work it out together. You both have obviously already put a lot of time and effort into this relationship to make it work as long as you have, so I wouldn't be too quick to give up on things just yet :)

    Best of luck OP!


  • #4
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 14,914 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    down and out wrote: »
    At the moment, Iam waiting to see if I can get another visa.... but the chances are slim..... I suggested marriage as an option for us.... He was not keen on this, and said he wanted more time for us to get to know each other.

    Marrying someone for a Visa can only lead to problems. You have effectively suggested marriage just so you can see more of your boyfriend. Ignoring the fact that your boyfriend would then become your husband, and bring with it a legal contract. Nowhere in your post do you mention "love". And on more than one occassion you mention "getting to know each other".

    Do you honestly think that getting married is the perfect answer? I think he did you a favour by turning you down. I'm sorry that he ended the relationship with you, and I'm sorry that you are so upset. But, just because you are in your 30s doesn't mean you have to stick with that one relationship. LDR is difficult. It is even more difficult when you are still only getting to know someone. But sticking it out, and suggesting marriage just because you don't want to be single again is not the answer.

    At least now you are free to find someone closer to home. Who you can develop a relationship with naturally and spend time together getting to know each other quicker than LDR allows.

    Time will eventually make things easier, and will maybe make you realise that this is for the best.


  • #5
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    I agree with BBOC. I think your guy took fright when you suggested marriage. If you step back and look at it, it's a crazy idea and when you get a chance to really sit down and think about it, you would know it too. You've only been together effectively for 8 months. That's no time at all.

    I understand your hurt and upset, but you have to allow him time to breathe. Perhaps he ended it in a fit of anger, perhaps the fight you had gave him the excuse to end it. I don't know. But I do think you shouldn't contact him for a while, and let things cool off. If he decides to contact you, then great. If he doesn't, then I'm afraid you'll have to accept that the relationship is done and do your best to move on from it.


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