Have to call it quits.

helpme23

Sorry for the big long post.

jane82

Hit the road but be there for the kid.

ElleEm

Wow, she sounds like a headwrecker!

But the major part of your issue is that she is pregnant, and you believe it to be your baby. This is something you cannot walk away from. When she has the baby, you should get a paternity test. If the child turns out to be yours, then you need to step up and be a father. Apply for gaurdianship and access, pay maintenance and see your child. In the short term, you should delete her from Facebook and only keep in contact about her pregnancy. This girl sounds like she is all about drama, and you really shouldn't feed into all of the attention seeking.

helpme23

nkjnkjn

3DataModem

Dump her
Get a paternity test

username123

It baffles me why you created a child with this person who clearly isnt responsible enough to be in a mature relationship in the first place! The signs were there all along. And you havent even been together a year! Madness to be creating children in this situation! However, that barn door has now closed so your only option going forward is to leave this person but support your child.

And you might consider your own levels of irresponsibility going forward. Its not a good idea to impregnate someone that you barely know and have a rocky relationship with. Now you have created a situation that will cost the taxpayer money, cost you emotional distress, cost this woman her independence and freedom, and cost a child a life of growing up in a loving family home supported by two parents. Not cool.

ElleEm

helpme23 wrote: »

But I feel like I am in the wrong because I want to know what the hell is going on.I couldn't stay around and watch this get any worse.And see her not allow me to be there for the kid.

The child is a separate issue altogether. Apply for a paternity test when it is born to be sure it is yours, then apply for gaurdianship and access through the courts, then you will get to see the baby. You don't get to run away from your possible child. Step up to your responsibilities.

helpme23

If

Tokyo

Maybe it's just the frantic nature of the posts, but you both sound as bad as each other to be honest. She craves attention from wherever she can get it, including, it seems, the kind of attention she gets from getting a rise of out of you, and you seems to be happy running back into the burning building that is this relationship, letting every insecurity come to the surface, ****ting yourself at every comment you see on her Facebook page, arguing over every text message that comes into her phone, desperately fighting off any other guy that comes sniffing around. It sounds like a reality TV show in the making. I can only hope that you guys didn't decide to get pregnant in the hope that it would magically fix all of this, but I have my suspicions.

Neither of you are mature enough to be in a relationship with anybody without working on your own personal issues first, and normally I'd recommend that you walk away and be done with each other, but you have a child on the way and that changes things. It's time for you both to act like adults - perhaps for the first time in your relationship - as the decisions you make from here on in affect the life of your unborn child. If the relationship is over (and personally I think it sounds toxic to begin with), you both need to man up and accept that it's over, but move forward in the best interests of the child. IF you feel that there is a possibility that the child is not yours, then get a paternity test, but for the moment work with the assumption that it is. If the child turns out to be yours, then you need to step up and be a father. Keep in contact with this girl regarding the pregnancy, but don't let drama from other walks of life sneak into that relationship. When the child is born, apply for guardianship and access, pay maintenance and see your child. Better for the child to have two parents living apart that loves it, than all being under the same roof and have to live through the everyday drama that you are describing above.

username123

helpme23 wrote: »

If she doesn't stop to see how it all looks from my point of view and cop on well in my opinion be not there is best because she will run me down and drive me up the wall that I will end up in trouble with the law I know it is that way.Even has said she has the some of the texts I sent to her and will use them against me i said nothing only how I felt and seen things with all this texting bull**** and that I wish things were not how they are she said she never would know when she mite need them.

Quite honestly this sounds like something a tantrumy teenager would say.

You have a lot of growing up to do. Start by taking responsibility for yourself and your actions. It's up to yourself to stay out of trouble with the law, only a gobsh1te would put the blame for that on someone else.

helpme23

Unless

Eircom_Sucks

Three letters for you

D.N.A

How do u know she hasn't slept with one of these many guys and got pregnant ? Ur going to play second fiddle all the time and may or may not be ur kid , truth hurts but she sounds like a trollop and loving the attention and god knows what else

For sanity reasons get out and get dna test and be there for the baby if its urs

Taltos

OP - you don't have to like or agree with the advice you are getting but throw another wobbly like the above and I'll close this thread at a minimum. Whether you agree or not, people are taking time out of their lives to try to give you the benefit of their experience, some of whom will have been in very similar situations - yes, no two are alike but there are only so many different relationship problems.

If you are unsure what is expected please have a look at our charter.

Taltos

Czarcasm

helpme23 wrote: »

Unless some of you guys have been in this situation and knows what you are talking about dont for gods sake think you have a clue what yous seem to be talking about.I know how this is and need some positives not people ridiculing what my situation is im no angel here.We both have mountains to climb but its one way street with this girl.Simple as that .I know what i want to do but know it is not looking good at the minute because i said some **** things.But i would never say these things if they weren't happening.So its a bad situation that could get alot worse which I dont want.So dont be saying a load of negative bull**** when it is all i get from this in the first place.

OP there are posters here who try to help people in your situation you find yourselves, on a day in, day out basis, so while this is an individual experience for you, many of the posters here have decades of experience trying to help people in your situation.

The simple fact of the matter is there's fcukall to be positive about here, and you have to accept your part in making the situation what it is. All well and good that you can recognise your insecurities, but what have you actually done pro-actively to try and resolve them? Ranting and raving on the internet isn't going to do anything to change your circumstances.

The first thing I would recommend is that both your families sit down together and try and work out a plan, then visit your GP and ask about the possibility of being referred for counselling. Make an appointment with your local social worker who will also help you BOTH to devise a plan and put structures in place and advise you on your options.

Cut out all the dramatics and stop living out your relationship on social media, it's embarrassing and immature, full stop. Your priority here should be your child.

It's very hard to give any further advice without actually knowing the full context of the situation, so that's why I advise that you get off Facebook and instead start by looking up resources in your local area that offer support for families in crisis. Make contact with both your families tonight and arrange a meeting as soon as possible, then tomorrow morning visit your GP who should be able to offer you further support.

Start taking positive action now OP, because in a couple of weeks time you'll both need to be in a position where you can show you're both capable of being responsible for and raising a child in a happy and healthy home environment. You really DO have an uphill battle ahead of you, but you have every chance ahead of you and have access to numerous resources who will provide assistance to you in any way they possibly can.

I would urge you to drop the attitude and and start thinking positively and start acting positively and engage positively with support being offered to you if you want there to be a positive outcome to this whole sorry mess.

Big Bag of Chips

You really really need to calm down. Your first post comes across as very aggressive. Is this how you are in real life? She's wrong to constantly be looking for attention from these guys... but..... when was the last time you had fun together? When was the last time you enjoyed being together? When was the last time you had a good laugh about something?

If you are constantly arguing and fighting and "at" each other, then of course she's going to spend her time talking to friends who she can have fun with instead of sitting arguing with you? Her colleagues might say derogatory things about you... but if they don't know you or anything about you, then they are forming their opinion of you due to things she is telling them.

Your posts are very vague. All about what she's done and then glossing over your part in it all. Saying you've said some sh*t you shouldn't have said... but not saying what you've said. Her saying she's keeping texts as evidence and you saying if she uses them you could get in trouble with the guards? Have you threatened her? Have you threatened people she works with? Kisses on the end of texts means very little. I don't do it myself, but I have people who send me texts with xx at the end. These would be girls who I have no romantic interest in whatsoever, by the way!

You need to calm it all down. Decide if you want to be in a relationship with this girl, and then decide what sort of relationship you want it to be. Do you want it to be constant drama, conflict, arguments? Or do you want it to be happy and fun, and a bit of a laugh? Honestly, if you continue on the way you are then the relationship is not going to last anyway. If you don't want to be with her anymore then finish it with her, and apply for access to the baby once it's born.

You both sound incredibly immature. You throwing tantrums. Her threatening to never let you see the baby etc. It doesn't sound like being in a relationship is much fun for either of you - so it definitely will not be fun for a baby. Your posts sound like you want to walk away from the whole thing? Her, the baby, everything. You mentioned you'd be better off going because she'll just make it hell anyway. Do you want people here to tell you you'd be right to just turn your back on it all? I don't think that's going to happen. Like it or not, you've created a baby now, so you are linked to this girl for the rest of your life. Nobody is going to tell you that walking away from the baby is the right thing to do.

Figure out what you want, or don't want, from the relationship. Stay clear of Facebook and whatever else for a while. You can't control her, or you can't control other fellas who she might be friends with. Sort yourself out first, before you go worrying about everyone else. Once you know what you want for the future, you can see if your gf wants the same.

helpme23

A lot

homemadecider

How old are you? Did you not think to use contraception? I think the idea of getting the families to sit down together is a good one.

Big Bag of Chips

helpme23 wrote: »

there is f all that can be done until we talk and make proper decisions.

When you do talk keep it calm. Both of you. There is no point in going over and over the same ground, getting annoyed, arguing and nothing changing. Both of you now have to realise there is more than just you two involved. There is a baby to consider. So if you can't agree to be civil and pleasant to each other, at least agree to be civil and pleasant for the sake of the baby. No child deserves to be subjected to Mammy & Daddy using them as a go-between or to point score. Children don't understand adult relationships. Nor should they be expected to.

I want this to work and it is pretty bad to be online feeding people my life at the moment.

No offense, but you've pretty much been on here since January posting about her, you, her behaviour, your paranoia etc... I think you're on the right track though. It's time to stop posting here and start talking to each other.

Good luck.