Remembering your Loved One on Special Occasions

kerry4sam

What is it you do to remember your Loved One on a Special Occasion?

My Birthday is coming up this Monday & my Loving Dad passed away on 20th Dec 2013. It would be fair to say that I was Daddy's Girl and spoiled would be an under-statement.
Every Birthday Dad would go out of his way to spoil me in some way, but not this year!

I've not asked for the day off work as I'd be better off working tbh.
I will be lighting a candle for my Loving Dad at some point throughout the day, but I'd like to start some tradition; something I could do on both mine and his birthdays each year.

Now, we would always visit a place called Tubrid Well (read here) so maybe a visit there could be an idea!

Just wondering what it is you do to ease the pain and help you on Special Occasions.

Thanking You in advance,
kerry4sam

LegacyUser

I've never been good on the anniversary of my best friend. It will be 7 years this year since she died, and I've always been diabolical trying to deal with the day.

But last year I seemed to get a grip on myself last year thankfully, a tough talking to from my BF made me realise that I cant go on like that every year.

So last year I had a few of my pals over, it was a scorcher of a day, and we sat out my back garden for the day eating and drinking wine and cackling laughing for hours. It was a great day and I really think it helped me move on a little from my friends death.

This year I will be on holidays for her anniversary so I will have a cocktail (or 5 ) for her in memory.

Time really does heal even though I HATED hearing that for the last 7 years. It is true, even though grief is so hard to deal with, when you get past the first few years, it does feel a little easier on the heart.

RossFixxxed

Don't expect much of yourself, don't try to make it some hugely important statement or big symbolic day. He would want you to be happy, and if that isn't possible at least go easy on yourself and be kind to yourself.

Do something small on his behalf, maybe go visit that spot, or do something small he'd like done (be it housework, or charity, or something fun). Just remembering him is important and don't pressure yourself. Imagine someone stressing and getting upset as they aren't honouring your properly, you'd tell them not to worry and to look after themself.

I'm sorry for your loss, these times are incredibly hard and there are constant reminders. All we can do is cherish the memory and try to take care of ourselves in these dark times.

kerry4sam

Anyone any advice they'd like to share for your first Fathers' Day without your Dad

I'm honestly just dreading it! It's always around this time I'd normally be buying or coming up with ideas for gifts for Dad, but not this year.

Missing Dad big time so I am. I won't actually be home for Fathers' Day this year as I'm doing a 120km Charity Cycle around Lough Corrib in Galway in his honour instead on June 15th Seeing this in print just hurts!

If anyone has any advice, feel free to share,
Thanking You,
kerry4sam

Lou.m

kerry4sam wrote: »

What is it you do to remember your Loved One on a Special Occasion?

My Birthday is coming up this Monday & my Loving Dad passed away on 20th Dec 2013. It would be fair to say that I was Daddy's Girl and spoiled would be an under-statement.
Every Birthday Dad would go out of his way to spoil me in some way, but not this year!

I've not asked for the day off work as I'd be better off working tbh.
I will be lighting a candle for my Loving Dad at some point throughout the day, but I'd like to start some tradition; something I could do on both mine and his birthdays each year.

Now, we would always visit a place called Tubrid Well (read here) so maybe a visit there could be an idea!

Just wondering what it is you do to ease the pain and help you on Special Occasions.

Thanking You in advance,
kerry4sam

I know someone who has a birthday party and invites theirs and loved ones friends and their families on their birthday for their loved one.

I hope you find a way that makes you feel your love for him and makes you happy :-) Whatever is right for you.

LegacyUser

kerry4sam wrote: »

Anyone any advice they'd like to share for your first Fathers' Day without your Dad

I'm honestly just dreading it! It's always around this time I'd normally be buying or coming up with ideas for gifts for Dad, but not this year.

Missing Dad big time so I am. I won't actually be home for Fathers' Day this year as I'm doing a 120km Charity Cycle around Lough Corrib in Galway in his honour instead on June 15th Seeing this in print just hurts!

If anyone has any advice, feel free to share,
Thanking You,
kerry4sam

Hi kerry4sam,
I'm very sorry for your loss and it's still early and raw in the grieving process for you. My own experience of the first father's day without my Dad was very recent and to be honest it was a miserable and sad day for one simple reason......I allowed it to be. I focused on the meaning of the day and the void that was in my life without having my Dad on father's day, going into the city to see people enjoying the day even made it worse for me, I was focused on ME and my loss and not my dear Dad, it wasn't father's day in my eyes it was ME day and I allowed myself to wallow in my loss.
You are doing exactly the right thing for father's day in doing the 120 Km Charity Cycle, you will have hours on that bicycle with your memories of your Dad to occupy your mind. My advice is to focus on father's day as being a celebration of the man you knew rather that the hurt his passing has caused you. May I suggest that in your heart the cycle should be seen as a joint effort, you and your Dad together, and at the end of the day you'll finish with a smile on your face and a feeling that on such a significant day after his passing you'll have spent your cycle with him.

kerry4sam

the distant future wrote: »

Hi kerry4sam,
I'm very sorry for your loss and it's still early and raw in the grieving process for you. My own experience of the first father's day without my Dad was very recent and to be honest it was a miserable and sad day for one simple reason......I allowed it to be. I focused on the meaning of the day and the void that was in my life without having my Dad on father's day, going into the city to see people enjoying the day even made it worse for me, I was focused on ME and my loss and not my dear Dad, it wasn't father's day in my eyes it was ME day and I allowed myself to wallow in my loss.
You are doing exactly the right thing for father's day in doing the 120 Km Charity Cycle, you will have hours on that bicycle with your memories of your Dad to occupy your mind. My advice is to focus on father's day as being a celebration of the man you knew rather that the hurt his passing has caused you. May I suggest that in your heart the cycle should be seen as a joint effort, you and your Dad together, and at the end of the day you'll finish with a smile on your face and a feeling that on such a significant day after his passing you'll have spent your cycle with him.

Thanks so Much. People were wonderful with the sponsorship & I wasn't long filling the 40-allotted sponsor spaces on the card.

When the cycle finished today I ended up crying. A medal was put around my neck as an achievement of completion and my eyes welled up!
Just too hard & I know for certain that it is still very very raw.

At the end of all my cycles it would be Dad that I would phone. Arrived back in my hotel and just broke down crying.

It was extremely tough cycling today with the heat and wind, but I could hear his voice from when I'd phone him on cycles-past where he always encouraged me and pushed me to finish.

Oh damn do I miss Dad!

I know though when I get back to work Wednesday my mind won't be fully focused on Dad, but if not, after today, I think I may have to speak with someone as this is just too difficult for me right now.

A real tough day today now, did not expect it to be so tough.

Thanks Everyone who has contributed in here,
Really Appreciated,
kerry4sam

Tough day today. First father's day without the old man. Yesterday was his 4 month anniversary. 4 months already!