Martin McGuinness Denies Writing “Up The Ra” In The Queens Jacks!

Banjo String

If true, this is outrageous.

THE HISTORIC accord reached when Irish President Michael D. Higgins made his first official visit to the United Kingdom for a banquet meeting with British monarch Elizabeth II: Elizabeth Harder has been thrown into chaos after Northern Irish First Minister Martin McGuinness has been accused of writing “Up The Ra” in the toilets of Windsor Castle.

Mr. McGuinness denies the accusation and claimed that he only used the toilet for “a quick shıte” but was rudely interrupted by Michael D. who Mr. McGuinness claims was responsible for scrawling the xenophobic graffiti.

“All the fois gras, caviar and assorted opulent nonsense food made me need to shıte something awful,” confided Mr. McGuinness. “So I excused myself with the witty remark that I was going to ‘drop a bomb’ off and made for the toilets.”

Mr. McGuinness claims that he was sitting on the toilet when president Higgins came in and “started pissing all over the marble floor” while loudly whistling Amhran Na bhFiann and laughing.

“He then scurried under the cubicle door, high fived me on the mickey, said ‘Brits out wha?’ and sparked up a smoke,” continued Mr. McGuinness, who claims that the Irish President then took out a marker pen and scrawled ‘Up The Ra’ on the cubicle wall.

“I tried to stop him and tell him how inappropriate it was but he just said `fcuk that’ and told me there was an awful bang of poo coming out of both my holes, meaning my arse and my mouth,” added Mr. McGuinness. “He then just started scribbling like mad, writing ‘sex is cool’, ‘fcuk da police’, ’2pac’ and ‘Brits out’ on the cubicle door.”

“He then called me a nordy spa, finished his smoke and left,” added a visibly shaken Mr. McGuinness.

Buckingham Palace have not revealed details of the extent of the graffiti found merely stating that some “inappropriate material” was found in one of the toilets.

President Higgins has so far not publicly denied Mr. McGuinness’s accusations but it is expected that he will emerge from his hobbit hole sometime later today to make a denial as soon as his speech writers decide on which philosophers to quote.

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2014/04/09/martin-mcguinness-denies-writing-up-the-ra-in-the-queens-jacks/




:cool:

Donkey Oaty

Satire ain't what it used to be, i.e. funny.

syklops

From Waterford Whispers News? Clearly hard-hitting journalism.

yeahimhere

waterford whispers = the onion. Albeit not their best article, their others can be quite funny

Chucken

...because he didn't.

/Thread

danniemcq

mod

Despite being a more reliable and credible source than the daily mail let's keep Waterford whispers outta AH otherwise it'll just get confusing