hi I'm a gay man looking for help.

kdd

Ok here it goes, I'm gay single man 38 , my life isn't complete as of yet, now dont get me wrong i have great famliy and friends. But I long so much for a child of my own.
I bought my house 6 years ago and said when I get my own home then I wil look into this, so it really is time for me now, please if anyone can help or put me in the right direction it would be very much appreciated .

J_E

Not sure what you're asking for here really...

Annasopra

Can you explain more OP?

encore1

Cydoniac wrote: »

Not sure what you're asking for here really...

He wants a child.

I have no idea how you'd go about it OP but I can't imagine it'll be an easy process. Its hard enough for straight married couples to "gain" or adopt a child, let alone for a single (gay) person to do so. Having said that, I do remember listening to a radio interview in the Ray D'Arcy show one morning with two English guys who have a "surrogate business" but I remember it being shockingly expensive! I think there was a tv programme done about them too.

Sorry I can't be of any real help but just wanted to show a hand of support and wish you luck along your journey!

Peregrinus

As a matter of law, you can adopt in Ireland. As a matter of reality, a single man aged 38, gay or straight, is not going to be approved as an adoptive parent. So that's out.

You can conceive a child the old fashioned way, or with the assistance of technology, with a female friend, and then jointly parent the child even though you are (obviously) not romantic partners. I know of one case where two people who wanted a child have done this. This depends on your having a female friend who wants a child and lacks a partner, and with whom you could see yourself co-parenting, and on her being completely on board with the programme. It's fraught with difficulty and, to be honest, you need an awful lot of planets to line up just right for this to happen, and for it to happen successfully. And you both have to be hugely committed to making it work, and hugely flexible to deal with what comes up, because stuff will come up that you certainly don't foresee.

After that, you're left with commercial surrogacy arrangements, almost certainly carried out abroad. Apart from being hugely expensive, this is an absolute minefield, legally speaking. A surrogacy agreement, in itself, does nothing to establish you as the father of a child under Irish law; at a minimum you would need to be the sperm donor as well (which presumably you'd be happy to do). That would give you a basis for being recognised in Irish law as the father of the child, and that in turn would make the child an Irish citizen, and so you could bring the child here without difficulty. Though you couldn't actually bring the child in until you'd gone through the procedures necessary to get the state to accept that you are the father, and then to get a passport for the child. Depending on the circumstances, you might have to run court proceedings to bet yourself recognised as father, and in any event you would have to go to court to get yourself legally recognised as the child's sole guardian. You absolutely should seek detailed legal advice, tailored to your circumstances, before going down the surrogacy road. It will be expensive, but not nearly as expensive as the surrogacy arrangement itself will be.

TireeTerror

Have you considered the amount of inevitable abuse the child would have? Kids are cold and cruel.

Plek Trum

Have you female friends OP? Any of them (regardless of sexual orientation) looking to start a family? The definition of the family unit has changed completely, always has really over time. A place that may be worth exploring also is www.coparents.co.uk or google co-parenting in Ireland. Will make for informed reading if nothing else. Hope that helps.

Scruffy...The Janitor

TireeTerror wrote: »

Have you considered the amount of inevitable abuse the child would have? Kids are cold and cruel.

I hate that argument. You may as well say "Better make sure the kid you adopt isn't black because they'll get bullied". If a kid wants to pick on another kid they'll find a reason. If it's not because they have gay dads it'll be because they're fat or poor or have ginger hair.

It's a horrible reason to dismiss the idea of adopting a child and instead of worrying about parents who may do or be something to cause their child to get picked on, we should worry about parents whose shitty little offspring haven't even had the sense of right and wrong instilled in them well enough to refrain from bullying other children.

J_E

TireeTerror wrote: »

Have you considered the amount of inevitable abuse the child would have? Kids are cold and cruel.

You can hardly blame a good parent if their child is attacked, because other kids haven't been brought up with any sense of decency.

kdd

Thanks to all for your replies. Hugely appreciated.

Big Bag of Chips

Have you considered Fostering? It would be difficult (I mean difficult in the sense that the child might have problems that will be challenging for you) but the criteria for fostering isn't as strict as for adoption. Married, single, divorced, age etc.

kdd

Most of my friends would be gay lads , no really females, although my sister in law said she would carry my child but then i need an egg donor, just seems so impossible for me , tbh its all I've ever wanted, I think my beat option was if I had female friend, just thanks again you all.

Annasopra

TireeTerror wrote: »

Have you considered the amount of inevitable abuse the child would have? Kids are cold and cruel.

Right ok. Lets stop black people having children.