How many times is normal?

LegacyUser

Just a query really- but myself and my bf have sex about once a week- I wouldn't mind a bit more to be honest! By time we get to bed we can often be wrecked and fall straight asleep.. But sometimes we watch tv in bed. I've said it to him a few times- that we're young and should be a little more active in the bedroom, he agrees with me! But then the same routine happens.. He said that I never initiate it but even when I did it didn't make a difference... I don't want it to be the reason I end things...

strobe

calibottom wrote: »

Just a query really- but myself and my bf have sex about once a week- I wouldn't mind a bit more to be honest! By time we get to bed we can often be wrecked and fall straight asleep.. But sometimes we watch tv in bed. I've said it to him a few times- that we're young and should be a little more active in the bedroom, he agrees with me! But then the same routine happens.. He said that I never initiate it but even when I did it didn't make a difference... I don't want it to be the reason I end things...

I wouldn't worry about what's normal or average or what anyone else does. What matters is what's right for the two of you. Whether that's once a day, once a week, once a month or once a year, whatever.

Straight off I'd say to remember there's no set time for sex. It doesn't have to be at night or bedtime. So if you find your both fairly wrecked by the time you're going to bed and think that might be part of the reason you're not having sex as often as you'd like, then maybe initiate things in the morning, or when you get home after work/college/whatever, or any other time the mood takes you.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much strobe

Princess Peach

Maybe get rid of the TV? We only have a TV on our living room, I think it's a much better set up. If we're tired when we go to bed, then we go to sleep! But there's no going to bed, switching something on and then just watching till we are too tired for anything if you get me. I find I sleep better too with no TV in the room so it suits me.

I do get sleepy in the evening during the week a lot though, so you just have to be a bit more creative and spontaneous about your timing I think.

Yeah, most definitely get rid of the TV in your bedroom.

GreeBo

Mornings work well for us, sometimes you are just too tired at night

Time Now Please

SEx isn't just confined to the bedroom, I am sure you have more than one room in your house you could try.

Deskjockey

How long are ye going out?. Marriage and babies can put pressure on making time to make out, so if you're still bf and gf and not getting it on much, then maybe it is something to worry about for the long term. Just my tuppence worth.

Deskjockey

Also +1 to whoever said get the telly out of the bedroom. A passion killer!!

Tasden

OP whatever feels ok for your own relationship is what should be considered normal. If either of you are unhappy then it should be discussed. So the fact you're talking about it not being enough I guess means it isn't normal for ye.

Myself and my boyfriend only see each other a couple times a week as we don't live together so we'd make the most of it so to speak basically every time we see each other we would at least once, and if overnight it'd be night and usually again in the morning. We're together a year so still in the honeymoon stage I guess. But we still both have kids and our own stresses so its not like we're not tired either.

The TV can be a bit of a passion killer but at the same time if you're cuddling up watching something in bed there's no reason not to get a little touchy feely we'd watch telly in the evenings in the sitting room to relax but we'd be cuddling etc. too so that when the programme is over we'd be ready to go!

Merkin

calibottom wrote: »

I've said it to him a few times- that we're young and should be a little more active in the bedroom, he agrees with me!

In answer to your question, it is not normal then. If both of you have a low sex drive and are equally happy with once a week then fine but you're clearly not. As you point out, you're both young, you both want more of it and for that reason you need to make more of an effort.

Bedtime doesn't necessarily equal sexy time - both of you might be more horny in the morning or fancy some afternoon delights or an impromptu quickie when the mood takes you so don't limit yourselves to thinking you have to get jiggy at night if neither of you feel inclined. Take a shower together or grab him when he arrives home - basically do it when you feel like it as opposed to feeling like you should be doing it at a set time which in itself would be a passion killer!

I don't think the TV is a great idea in the bedroom. BUT if you're not in the mood for hummena hummena at night anyway then it shouldn't make a difference. However, if it's actually stopping you from bring intimate then I'd be pulling the plug. Why not agree to not watch it for the next week and see how that goes?

LegacyUser

I really appreciate all the replies and suggestions- will be taking some ideas on. I do want to try everything. And I think mornings etc might be a good option- worth a shot! I am afraid that his sex drive is lower than mine- but I guess if I try a few different things then I will find out. Thanks again guys

Princess Peach

It can be tough when you're busy during the week and maybe have early mornings too. Just need to use your imagination a bit more. Like if the dinner is just in the oven and it's gonna take a half hour or so, think of something other than turning on the TV