Confiding in you ...

LostLouise

I don’t know what I’m asking for, or even if there is an answer but I need to get this out somehow, somewhere. I am not a teenager, I am not immature, I am a grown woman in her 40’s with adult children that is suffering with a broken heart that I don’t know how to fix.

I have been let down in the past by people I cherished, I mean really adored. My marriage failed when my husband brought home his girlfriend. I lost my best friend of 10 years when she deceived me and used me to lie to the police for her. I find it hard to trust people and let them get close to me because the few friends I did confide in, they burned me bad, so its easier to keep a distance with people.

Sadly, having no one person close to me that I can trust leaves me writing a letter like this to a group of strangers on the internet in the hopes of just releasing some of this pain. Because it hurts, it hurts like hell and just won’t ease.

I’ve been on my own for a few years now, and that was ok, I had accepted my lot in life and was settled, content. I am generally a happy go lucky person that laughs her way through life, I take only serious matters serious, everything else, are minor things.

Nearly a year ago, a man walked into my life and literally blew me away. In all the long years I was married, I now know for sure I was definitely never in love. I had never experienced it in its real or true form, I actually don’t think I even believe it existed. Until now.

The man brought me out of my shell, awoke in me many complicated layers to my personality that I knew were there but never allowed myself to even acknowledge let alone open. We spoke the same language, we shared the same dreams, we had the same values, his fingerprints were embedded in me somewhere and my soul recognised him immediately. I fell for this man hook line and sinker, head over heels, all the old clichés, you name it.

Obviously, because I am writing this, it did not work out, in fact, it ended in the absolute saddest way you can imagine. I worked so hard to overcome my fears but I did it, for him, I trusted him, I allowed him to get close to me and he shattered that trust. On a Saturday morning we were making plans, on the Sunday morning he was gone from my life.

And now, 2 months later, I am still stuck. I can’t move in any direction let alone forward. I haven't spoken to a single person about this, nobody realises that the happy go lucky person before them is broken and lost me. I had, for the first time in my life experienced a real and true love, now I can’t even touch it. I am absolutely, utterly and purely broken, not just my heart, but me, all of me.

DonnaDarko09

Hi OP,

I can't say I have experienced what you're going through but I just wanted to say you sound like a very strong person and I know you'll get through this. Give it time. Take one day, hour, minute at a time. And Be kind to yourself. X

missjm

You don't give much detail on what happened with this man. I get the impression he either 'disappeared' or broke it off suddenly? Did you get any explanation?
I can understand your post very well and don't think you are alone in how you feel. I myself don't trust people, not until they have gained it and even then based on experience I tread cautiously. People might disagree but I don't see it as a bad thing. It's self preservation and there's nothing wrong with that. I've also been hurt very badly by some of my ex's and kick myself each time for being taken in. But again, it's human nature - if we didn't let down the guard, we'd never fall in love and unfortunately love doesn't always work out.
All I can say in relation to you current heartbreak is 'Hugs'... you're hurting right now and will for a while. It wasn't your fault that you chose to trust this man. It's his loss.
Regarding your friend, what a cow. You're well rid there.

Sleepless and Manic

A hug from me too.

Two months isnt very long to get over a serious heartbreak so thats going to colour everything in how you feel about life right now. And it could be many more months. At least for me.

Sorry.

Taltos

Ah OP - I feel for you.
Look you have a choice here, and it isn't an easy one.

1. Accept that folk will always lie to you, that you will always be hurt. Basically that you don't deserve to find love.
Or
2. Find comfort in the fact that you can and did feel love. Accept that you trusted the wrong person, but that was not a mistake you made, it was a risk we all take. Sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn't.

Instead of closing yourself off from ever finding happiness again go and seek it. Your recent ex might be the biggest B in the world but take the positive from that relationship. If you just focus on the negative then you are already living a self-fulfilling prophecy and you will slowly wither inside. Face it, life is tough, finding the right person is not a walk in the park, if it was would we see so many broken marriages, so many couples in counselling, so many kids wondering where their parents are? I'm not saying this to depress you, just hoping that you can now see that despite the difficulty it's worth it to fight for those bright moments. Don't think back on how he hurt you - but think back on the hope and love you felt and strive for that again.

Go out and try new things, find something that really makes you feel alive - if you find a relationship from that brilliant, but if not - just find something that you can look forward to - something that makes you feel better about you. You need to cut yourself some slack here, we all get taken it - there is no age limit, it might get tougher to bounce back but you have to make the decision not to let idiots like that define you...