International Student Homeless - What can be done?

UrgentAdvice

Please this is a very serious and worrying issue and I would be grateful for any information or advice.

I know of an African man who recently lost his part time job and is now homeless in Dublin city. As he is an international student who pays fees, he is not entitled to any support from the Social Welfare services.

Is there anywhere he can go for help and guidance. he has no family support or friends in this country. I am very worried about him, but I can only do so much as I am not working myself and live in Kerry. He is adamant that he wants to continue his studies so he will have a better life in the future. But at the moment, he has no quality of life.

Please if anyone has been in a similar situation or has relevant information, can you please post your reply

Thank you

Peregrinus

Where is he studying? Any self-respecting college will have support services for students (esp. international students) which can at least be a first port of call.

Hi Urgent Advice,

I'm going to move your thread to the Personal Issues forum where there is a wider viewer-base and so a greater chance of helpful feedback. Alternatively, you could post in the College forum or perhaps the State Benefits forum—both of which can be found with a simple search. Best of luck to your acquaintance.

Tokyo

Hi OP,

it makes sense to me that if your friend is an international student, then he should be contacting the college ASAP regarding his living arrangements. Most colleges have an accommodation office for housing new students and will be equipped to help him find something , or advise him on where he should go for help.

thefeatheredcat

I agree with everyone else that the Uni or college should be the first port of call for him.

The college/uni should have an appointed official (e.g. support officer) for international students who would help them before arriving, when they first arrive and throughout the year to help with both academic and personal issues that crop up while here. I would think that they would be best positioned to offer help and assistance, even temporary accommodation, or in providing assistance in directing to other organisations that can offer further assistance.

An embassy or consulate - in case you were considering from this point - would be of little use except in maybe getting the person back to their home country or assisting with a passport issue. And that's even if there is an embassy/consulate in Dublin, otherwise it would probably be London. They generally would need to have that person contact them directly and present themselves in person before any help would be offered and their help might be quite limited.

Soft Falling Rain

Hi OP. I'd agree with others and suggest he goes to his Uni support services first.

I'd be concerned about directing him to homeless services first as they might send him to an emergency hostel, and they can be very rough places, especially for someone who is not wise to them.

FairytaleGirl

Contact DePaul Ireland, they have several projects in Dublin who help with homelessness etc

Gatling

Op whats your actual connection to this chap ,

College mates?

His college would be his first port of call if he's genuinely near /soon to be homeless ,

UrgentAdvice

Thank you all for your advice

It's a private college in Dublin city centre. He is very quiet and I think doesn't have many friends

I used to be his girlfriend

Ham Sambo

I may be picking this up wrong, but you say he attends a private college in Dublin which I can only assume costs a fair bit of money, can your friend not contact the person who has funded his college fees and ask for assistance? Like the other posters have said, his first port of call should be the students union office of the college he is attending. Has he not applied for grants etc?

I know in some of the IT colleges around the country a student can avail of a 'student assist fund' which would cover such emergencies, has your friend tried to seek any help regarding his situation??

UrgentAdvice

Yes, you are correct, he has to pay yearly fees. He had part time jobs, the majority he put in to savings. So he funded himself and when he lost the jobs, he stretched the savings as far as he could. As we are no longer together and he finds the whole situation extremely humiliating, he will not open fully up to me. I know he is living in a car and has gone to homeless centres for food. As far as I know, international students are not entitled to grants. He mentioned previously that his parents can not afford to help him. I told him that it might be better for him to go back home, but he seems to be determined to get his degree. I feel incredibly guilty as I know he was depending on me to move to Dublin and for him to move in with me. The pressure was getting unbearable for me and led to the breakdown of the relationship. I tried to explain to him that such a move would not be easy for me as I suffer extreme anxiety and depression, but in his mind I feel that he saw me as his only way out. As I know his logic was skewed, I told him to see a psychiatrist. He did and he is now under observation. It was only when I found out that he was emotionally cheating on facebook 6 weeks ago, that I ended the relationship. He has been trying to make me take him back since, but I can not trust him. Sorry for the essay, I just thought I should explain the situation a bit clearer

Gatling

This sounds like he's taken you for a ride ,
Youve got your own issues to worry about please put yourself first in this situation ,
He's broke ,no job and is pressuring you to move to dublin so he can have a roof over his head ,sorry but that is very unfair on you,

If you don't mind me asking how long are you seeing this guy

How sure are you he's actually seeing a psychiatrist for a start

Peregrinus

If he was funding his fees as well as his accommodation from his jobs and his jobs are now gone, his "homeless in Dublin" situation is going to be transitory. Unless he finds a new source of income, he cannot pay next year's fees, so he will have to leave anyway.

In short, the key to solving this problem is for him to find work again. If he does, he can pay for accommodation and pay his fees. If he doesn't, he'll have to go home, and the accommodation problem kind of solves itself then.

I appreciate that finding work is not easy, particularly as a foreigner, particularly as one whose visa may restrict his ability to work, particularly as a homeless person. Still, that's where the effort has to be focussed. You don't say what work this guy did, how he came to lose those jobs or what steps he has taken to find others, but I think those are the kind of issues that need to be explored to find a way forward.

An education plan which relies on a romantic partner movinig to Dublin and providing him with free accommodation is not a viable plan. It is not your fault that that plan came unstuck, and you should not feel guilty.

UrgentAdvice

I am no longer seeing him. I broke up with him 6 weeks ago and have been worrying about him ever since. Not that I want to rekindle the relationship because I know I can't trust him, but I still want him to be Ok. I was in a relationship with him for approx 6 months. I don't 100% know that he is seeing a psychiatrist, but from previous conversations with him, it does sound that he is. He told me he had to get daily sedative injections after we broke up. But I think that his situation has made him so terrified and desperate, that he has said things to me out of hopelessness because some of the stuff was beyond crazy. Still, my heart is breaking that someone I loved once has ended up like this. When originally posting, I thought there might be some organisation that could help him. I sent him as many website links as I could find and helped with a little money. I was going to give more this week, but he refused when I told him that my family would not be happy if I was in contact with him due to his emotional cheating. I have nothing when have all my bills paid, but at least I have a roof over my head. Thanks to everyone who has replied. I haven't confided in anyone about this. Any mention of him and my sister says "Dont even go there". She can't understand how I could want to help someone who messed me about

gugleguy

Peregrinus wrote: »

An education plan which relies on a romantic partner movinig to Dublin and providing him with free accommodation is not a viable plan. .

to put in a single sentence.

LegacyUser

Op I really doubt this guy is actually homeless and alone.
The psychiatrist story is laughable. You have seen the services available to people with mental health problems. Have you had immediate referral to a psychiatrist? Who wanted to sedate you daily with a big needle? Its ridiculous.
The fact that you can't question that for yourself, makes me very worried for you.
You are vulnerable right now, and this person has seen this, and has no qualms about causing you extreme stress. There is no way you can get better with someone bringing that kind of drama into your life. If he cared for you. Would he do that, when your sick?

When he applied for a stamp 2, he needed to prove he had access to substantial funds to cover his living costs for the duration of the course. If he is studying for a degree, that is a minimum of 28k on tops of fees. You say he has been saving his earnings. So how could that money be gone already then.
You mention that he had many part time jobs, Is it feasible that he would lose them all at once? His permit allows him to work for 19 hrs a week. Is he working more than this?
If so, maybe he isnt even genuinely a student. Illegal immigrants use cheap micky mouse college courses, to legitimize their stay here. If he is doing that, and his ultimate goal is finding a way to stay longterm. Then his attitude that his future depends on you living with him, would make sense.

MissFlitworth

The homeless unit of Dublin City Council provides services to non nationals, he should contact them.

http://www.dublincity.ie/Housing/Homeless/pages/ifyouarehomeless.aspx

I am not from Ireland, can I still access this service?

If you are a non-Irish national, which includes Asylum Seekers, Refugees and persons from EU Accession countries, you have the option of going to the following office: HPU Office, 77 Gardiner Street, Dublin 1. 10am - 11.30am and 2pm to 3.30pm (Monday to Friday) or Telephone 01- 858 5100.

Some of what you are being told makes very, very little sense. As an international student with a part time job and college fees how has he got a car that he sleeps in? Daily sedative injections sound really unusual, how has he been affording to go to the doctor every day for these when he has no money?

Pawwed Rig

Correct me if I am wrong but I thought International students as a condition of their visa had to prove they had the resources to live in the State for the duration of their visa with a little leeway given with the permission to work for upto 20 hours a week? Can he not rely on the people who provided the assurances for his visa in the first place?

From website http://www.icosirl.ie/eng/student_information/immigration_and_visas

Evidence that you have sufficient funds to support yourself while studying in Ireland. As a student you will not have recourse to State funds and the Irish government requires that you be able to show that you - or your sponsor - have immediate access to at least EUR 7,000, the estimated cost of living in Ireland for a student for one academic year - for each year of your course.

The restrictions were put in place exactly to prevent situations like this. I would suggest he contact his sponsor first of all. If they will not help then he is most likely in breach of his visa conditions.

username123

OP - you sound like a very nice but possibly a naive person.

To be blunt, this guy was hoping that you would help bankroll his private education in Dublin and/or hoping a relationship with you would allow him to find a way to stay here longterm. A baby or a marriage maybe.

If he cant afford to stay in Dublin for a private education he should leave.

The story you are being spun makes little sense. Could he not sell the car and use that money to live on? Daily sedative injections? How was he affording that? You know how long psychiatric referral takes in the public system right? Months and months.

Unfortunately there are many stories of African men who will go to these lengths to stay in the country.

UrgentAdvice

Thanks to all who have posted

Below are the answers to the questions raised in the above posts

I know he has the car as I have driven it in the past, Its not worth much though. He said that his brother owes him about 12,000 euro and wont pay him back. I do know if a person is in in a bad way, they can present yourself to A&E and a psychiatrist will see hem. I know a girl who did this. I helped him apply for a medical card and I know he received it.

Its true that I am naive and vulnerable and trust people too much. A psychiatric nurse who was helping me told me I had zero self confidence and zero confidence and not much has changed since then.

I am going to try and get stronger and move on with my own life. Thanks again to all who took time out to post

LegacyUser

OP
I had to reply to this as it touched a nerve with me.

I used to go out with a guy for 3 years. Even lived with him. He was a non-EU (but had married his way into the country - something I didnt know about until 2 years into the relationship and found out by accident).

By year 3, my confidence and self-esteem were in the toilet. I fell out with family. Some of whom I didnt speak to for a year as I felt they were "sticking their noses in". And maybe they were, but it was out of concern. One of my sisters too hated him, as did most people. But all I could think of was "poor him". Not "poor me". "poor him".

Anyways, we broke up. I couldnt deal with him anymore (always no money, in trouble, always had a story, always always). When we broke up, he had no money, no where to live so I, with no self-esteem or anything, thought Id help him.

Well, more fool me. He basically took me to the cleaners. At least 2k of my own money. Something clicked in me one day. I had to stop. Not for him, but for myself. He had to sort himself out. I had to sort myself out. We do not have contact now.

The moral of the story is, I put all my energy into "fixing" him. And not myself. I saw in him "poor me", what I couldnt see in myself. I tried to help him without even considering myself. I learned a valuable lesson. Fix and look after yourself first and regconise this part in yourself, before you dash into helping others. Youll make even wiser and better decisions then.

UrgentAdvice

Thank you trynottofret for your reply

I feel as if you have written my story. All of what you have written happened to me, but I didn't include it in my post because as u correctly pointed out, it was always about him, never about me. There was things I found out and he would have always some excuse to explain it away

I hope you have gotten your self esteem back. I just wanted to send you a personal Thank you

username123

OP I'm delighted you posted this thread. Sometimes it takes someone outside the situation to see the reality of the situation. You sound like a lovely kind person. Unfortunately sometimes people try to take advantage of the kind natures of others. I hope you are good to yourself. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I'll tell you something.

I was deeply unhappy, for a long period. Continuously. Cronic. A lifetime of feeling horrible. But I couldnt figure out what was wrong with me, by myself.

I thought going to talk to someone was a sign of "something wrong with me" and I was a failure. I eventually accepted I needed to try and figure this out - I was more curious than anything about my own behaviour and why I got into or put myself into these (crap)situations. I wanted to find out who I was, because I didnt have a clue.

Turns out I was 1000% wrong about talking to someone, who could help me unscramble part of my thoughts and behaviour. I see it like I look after myself physically (exercise, try to eat well etc), so why not look after an even more important part, my mental state, also. That deserves TLC also.

Few things I learned about myself:

I had no confidence. And here is mainly why:

Without realising I was doing this, for a long, long, long (I could keep typing the word long) time, I always put others first. I always put others people's needs first. I'd take people's crap and make it my own. The "fixer to other people's happiness". I would think that they would dislike me if I didnt help. I (unconsciously) sought people and situations that "needed" me. Turns out, the only person who needs me, is me.

I learned to say "no" and not feel bad about it. I learned to not care what others thought of me. I learned how to stand up for myself. I learned that if I did say no, if that person then ignored me/thought I was horrible, whatever, well, then let them off and think that. As long as I know that I am a good person.

I go to councelling on a regualr basis, like I go to the gym. And I find it a relief. Anything built up, I can vent. I thought to myself a few times "I wish Id done this years ago". I like someone to challenge how Im thinking or my behaviour. Or if Ive had a bad time of it (yes, this is life-crap/bad things still happen - life is for learning), I learn how to cope or deal with things.

I am now, 100%, interested in me, only. I am interested in whats best, for me. Not worry about everyone else, no matter how emotional I feel (sad for them etc). I will always try and help someone, where I can and if I deem it worthy. But I will step back now, and think "how will this make me feel?".

UrgentAdvice

Thank you again for your last post. I was very emotional reading it. I seem to have the exact psychological make up as u. One of my biggest problems all my life is constantly worrying about what others think of me, I even remember worrying about this going to school as my mum chose what clothes I shud wear.Throughout secondary school, I felt I wasn't good enough and that is why people would pretend to be my friends and runaway and completely ignore me, never inviting me to any event. Even with relationships, I still think that I am not good enough. I even remember a guy who was chatting to me in Lanzarote, I told him that he would be much better off talking to other girls. Now, Im not working due to anxiety and depression and my main fear is meeting people and them asking me what I'm doing, I have a shame about not working. I purposefully avoid people and do not attend events because of having to explain my current situation to other people. I wish I just just not worry so much about what other people think of me.

I have 2 questions,please dont reply if they are too intrusive
Did you get your help through private counselling?
Were you able to work throughout your counselling and fixing yourself?
Would you have any recommendations that a person such as me could work in? I came from a hostile corporate environment, but I know I can never work in that area again, I need a more supportive environment if such a work area exists

Thank you

Ham Sambo

Just my own opinion but this guy is trying to take you for a ride, and luckily for you you copped it straight away, life it so fukcing tough, this guy knew you loved him and ended up cheating on you and then tried to use you for his own gain. the daily injections of sedatives sounds a bit far fetched to be honest, he more than likely is looking for a permanent postal address, if I was you I would adopt the same attitude as your sister, cut off all contact with him, e-mails, phone calls etc, best of luck.

UrgentAdvice

Thanks HamSambo, that is exactly what I am going to do

LegacyUser

UrgentAdvice wrote: »

I have 2 questions,please dont reply if they are too intrusive
Did you get your help through private counselling?
Were you able to work throughout your counselling and fixing yourself?
Would you have any recommendations that a person such as me could work in? I came from a hostile corporate environment, but I know I can never work in that area again, I need a more supportive environment if such a work area exists

Hi hun,
You can ask any questions, if you feel it will help you.

I go to a private coucellor. Yes. It is expensive. But Im worth it. I wish everyone had access to one, if they needed them. At little or no cost (without being on a waiting list).

Am a different person today, than I was. Now, dont get me wrong. Its a continual fix. Its something youve to work on, on a daily basis. On an hourly basis. Not everyday is going to go well (such is life). And a few councelling sessions may not get you there.

Ive had many a crappy experience in my life. And all the crappy experiences had one thing in common. Me.

Because of everything, I was effectively afraid to stand up for myself. I lost myself. I didnt believe in myself. I didnt believe I had a voice. I didnt believe I had an opinion. I was categorised (like posters have said here about you "nice" and "naieve"). But that is who I am. And that is who you maybe are. And regardless of what happens, you might always have those traits. Its how to work them, for yourself. Not for others.

I am still an extremely nice person. I wouldnt say I have toughened up. But I've learned to put myself first. Thats the real trick. I started by doing small things. Like doing nice things for myself. Then came the "nos". No, I dont agree. "No, I dont want to do that". The next step was effectively detaching myself from the other person's emotions. Because Id trained myself to assume how they might feel. Oh theyll think am mean. Oh theyll think Im a looser. Oh theyll think this and that. Id be a bundle of nerves/anxiety. Oh the anxiety.

The funniest thing is, when youve always been a yes man/woman all your life. And then for family/friends/people who you interact with on a day by day basis, to hear that...to hear youve a voice/opinion, I found quite funny. Funny to see their reaction, and mine! It felt so liberating. Its almost putting people on the back foot. Because they were always used to a "yes". The next step was to then leave them with that information, i.e., whether they agreed/disagreed, that was up to them. Not me. You eventually loose the fear.


Ill give you an example. I was in a pub once. And a distant family relative said something quite mean to me. Rather than just say "thats mean" (which I can do now). I went to the toilet cubicle and cried. I cried because theyd made that comment. And cried because I didnt want to hurt their feelings back. Cried because I assumed everything they said. Same person recently made another comment (thinking theyd get away with it) and I just said "Well, thats pretty rude coming from you!" I turned around and walked off. Their jaw dropped. I didnt care. Were they an addition/a positive addition to my life anyways? No! That pushes their behaviour back onto them. Nothing to do with me how they behave. I just no longer am available to be someone's **** board or punch bag.

When you do find your voice, and I encourage you to do so, people will react in certain ways. But those that are meaningful in your life will understand and even encourage you.

Its a journey. Its not something one day you wake up and its "fixed" and end of story.

About careers? Well, the point is is that you can do anything you want to! I bet when you read this, youll say to yourself automatically "no I cant". So, rather than saying yes for yourself and no for other people. Youll say no for yourself and yes for other people. And that is fundamentally the thinking you need to change. The more you say yes "yes, I want to..." (even if its once a week), the more automatic it becomes. It becomes more important what you want.

You do matter to you. You do have a voice. And you can do all the things you want to do. It is ultimately your responsibility. It is a crawl, you learn to stand up, then small steps, then walking slow. Then getting faster. Then running. Maybe even then a sprint. I am at the pace of walking. And some day, when I feel comfortable and Im ready, I will run.

UrgentAdvice

Thank you so much trynottofret for your kindness and wisdom. I can see from your post you are now a very strong, determined and capable woman

I believe I have started on my path. My ex started sending me loads of emails tonight asking if we cud talk and basically he wanted to get back to me as it has been 6 weeks since the break. I told him that no matter what he said, I didnt care and do not want to be in a relationship with him

I am frightened for my future as I have been out of work over a year now and dont know how I am going to explain anxiety & depression that caused me from not working. To be honest, I dont even know what kind of job I will be able to do. But what I do know, is I am going to try my very best to get my life back together. For me, it wont happen overnight, but Im not going to beat up myself like I wud have done before or worry what others may think of me regarding the choices I have made

I am so very glad that you are in a good place and getting the help your require

I cant thank you enough for your time and excellent advice

LegacyUser

Good for you! That deserves a high five.

I too would get extremely anxty/very very bad anxiety about the future.

Again, when youve lived with anxiety for so long, its almost funny/weird again when you find a way to control it.

When my brain flies off into an anxious rant. I close my eyes (or stare into space). And I literally bring myself back to where I am, right now in that very second. If Im outside, Ill feel the breeze on my face. Ill feel the ground under my feet. Its to become more aware of where you are, right now, per second. Not off in my head in the future where I dont know what is going to happen. And I remind myself when doing this "Im alive. Im here. Ive food in my belly. A bed to sleep in. And a roof over my head. And Ive me". And they are the things fundamentally you need to live. Anything else is a plus.

Re people making crappy comments on the work situation (people love to make comments on things that are none of their business - the last person they'd judge is themselves), again if someone makes a comment on my life, Ill ppush it back to them "gosh thats very judgemental of you" or I wont answer (and I wont care), or Ill push it back on them again "So, whats it like...?" And ask them something I know they dont want to talk about. See how they react. They usually wont make crappy comments again/mind their own business.

Finally, be positive. Again the work example. If someone just generally asks "hows the work situation going?" You should respond positively. "Its tough out there, but Im doing great". I believe the more positive you become, the more positivity comes into your life.

None of this will magically happen. You have to keep trying. It does become more automatic in your thinking. And when Ive had a crappy day, Ill let myself have a crappy day. Acknowledge it. Tell myself Ill be ok. Go to bed. Reboot. Get up. And restart.

username123

UrgentAdvice wrote: »

I am frightened for my future as I have been out of work over a year now and dont know how I am going to explain anxiety & depression that caused me from not working.

You dont have to explain it, just say you took some time out from working for personal reasons and dont elaborate.

In the current climate CV gaps are totally the norm.