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Loosing my mind

  • 07-04-2014 3:09pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,
    Thanks in advance for reading.

    This problem seems to have gotten worse over the last few months, I feel very lonely and paranoid. I am in a relationship and we have one child in first class.
    I have very low self esteem a lot of this has stemmed from my partner being unfaithful several times in our first 4 years together, I guess the low self esteem was always there or otherwise I would have ended the relationship at that point, I was bullied all through secondary school which maybe plays a part also.
    I am now 34 years old and resent my partner quite a lot, I don't think Ive ever forgiven him fully, I feel like I am always trying to please him, every comment he makes I take negatively and feel like Im being worn down even further.I don't know why I even feel like I need his approval for everything and then I am mad at myself for being under his control.
    I have a similar attitude to work, its a very negative experience and I feel like all eyes are on me waiting for failure there.
    I have thought about speaking to a professional but I wouldn't know where to start or if they would think I am drama hungry. I think both my career and relationship are going to come to an end soon, my partner makes me feel like he tolerates me and workwise I wouldn't rule out my just not turning up and avoiding there calls until they realise I have left.
    I am quite lonely and don't feel I could talk to any family or frends, don't want them judging me and knowing everything that goes on in my life using it against me at a later stage.
    I don't know maybe its a midlife thing or I need to get out more as my current schedule is work, homework with LO TV then bed I am anxious of new activities which means new people and again probably feeling inadequate and resulting in more people that I feel I need to apologise to for being myself.


Comments

  • #2
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    OP,

    considering that this is affecting your marriage, your job, and your self esteem quite negatively, I would seriously consider seeking counselling if I were you. We can provide you with our own experiences here, but it really does sound like you need a real life person to talk to about this, and to help you find your way past it. Nobody is going to consider you drama hungry - this is quite obviously affecting you a lot, and you are far from being the first person in this situation.

    See if you can find a counsellor in your area, and arrange an appointment. It may also be an idea further down the line to see if your husband might accompany you, so that you can get past his infidelity together, rather than you feeling as if he merely tolerates you.


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