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Confused about my actions...where to go from here

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  • 07-04-2014 3:27pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    First time poster on here. Just looking for a little advice.

    I'm going to be brutally honest about the situation here and I'm not really concerned as to how I come across, not that I could come across well.

    I've been seeing/dating a girl for the past 6 weeks. It's not been serious, pretty causal but we get on very well. I suppose we're at the point where we're girlfriend and boyfriend but we haven't actually made it official. I really like this girl, about as much as you could after such a short period of time. The problem is about a week ago we were both out, in different bars. I text her a couple of times to meet up but she never replied. At the end of the night when I was going home I ended up sharing a taxi with another woman, we ended up kissing and getting a bit heated in the taxi.

    I woke up alone in my house the next morning and felt terrible about this. I spoke to her that afternoon and she said she had been drunk and apologised for not texting back. I still can't shake this, I regret it but can't actually understand why I did it. I really like this girl I'm seeing so why did cheat? I'm not sure if it was me feeling insecure/rejected about her not texting back or wanting to meet up! I''m still feeling really guilty about this. I'm considering telling her and ending things. I feel like a bit of a fraud when i see her now knowing what I did.

    After writing all this down I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for on here...


Comments

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    #2
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    Forget about what happened in the taxi.

    Your girlfriend might have felt that you should have gone out on a date together instead of just hooking up on the night. Maybe she felt that you were texting her as a last resort and that's why she didn't text back. Or she had a few drinks, was out with her mates and genuinely forgot.

    Do you want to have an exclusive relationship with this girl at any stage? If so maybe you should make it official rather than later. If not then you might be better not seeing each other for dates again.

    In a nutshell, it's time to s*** or get off the pot!


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    #3
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    If something as little as her not texting you back may have convinced you to cheat then for her sake it sounds like you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with her.


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    #4
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    If something as little as her not texting you back may have convinced you to cheat then for her sake it sounds like you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with her.

    Or a relationship with anyone for that matter, if that is how he reacts.

    Not much advice to give, only that it was a very petty thing to do. You should just walk away and try to figure out why you did it. And don't blame alcohol - it was you, not it.


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    #5
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    If I were you OP I would stop beating myself up over this. Things happen and what happened with you is not the end of the world or anything near it. Just forget about it and continue on in the relationship with the other woman if that is what you want, but don't bother confessing whatever you do, it isn't always the best route to take. You were not exclusive with your current g/f so you don't owe her any explanations. What she doesn't know won't hurt her but you could bring on a lot of trouble for yourself if you attempt to explain. I would not be breaking up with her over this either. Go easy on yourself.


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    While I agree that 6 weeks is only a short amount of time I just have to ask and there probably is no answer to this but - what about future nights out when she doesn't txt back/answer calls? Will you do the same thing? I agree with poster above that you can't blame alcohol, you still made the choice to do it!


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I completely agree, I'd never blame alcohol...it's a cop out. I've been in two past relationships and never cheated. I don't understand why I cheated, how it or why it happened. It was only a thought that maybe I was feeling rejected, maybe that wasn't the case.

    In any case, I do really like this girl, ideally I'd like to continue seeing her. We get on great and there have been no issues apart from this. I feel like an idiot pretending everything is alright when I've done this.


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    #8
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    newlyconfused14 wrote: »
    I completely agree, I'd never blame alcohol...it's a cop out. I've been in two past relationships and never cheated. I don't understand why I cheated, how it or why it happened. It was only a thought that maybe I was feeling rejected, maybe that wasn't the case.

    In any case, I do really like this girl, ideally I'd like to continue seeing her. We get on great and there have been no issues apart from this. I feel like an idiot pretending everything is alright when I've done this.

    If the two of you had had the talk and 'made things official' before this do you think you would have still done the same thing? Being honest.


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    #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    strobe wrote: »
    If the two of you had had the talk and 'made things official' before this do you think you would have still done the same thing? Being honest.

    Well if we had made things official it still wouldn't change how I feel for her. I wouldn't like her any more or less so i don't think it would have changed much.


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    #10
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    newlyconfused14 wrote: »
    Well if we had made things official it still wouldn't change how I feel for her. I wouldn't like her any more or less so i don't think it would have changed much.

    What do you think are the chances of something similar happening again, six weeks or six months down the line?


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    #11
    Ham Sambo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 515 ✭✭✭Ham Sambo


    A simple case of your balls ruling your brain on that night! you had a few beers, it's not as if you cheated on your gf, look, take my advice and move on from this.


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    #12
    Heat_Wave
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭Heat_Wave


    If you haven't made your relationship official then you did not cheat on her.

    You are fully entitled to date others if you guys have only been dating.

    Don't worry OP, nothing to feel guilty about.


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    #13
    TheShockmaster
    Registered Users Posts: 62 ✭✭TheShockmaster


    newlyconfused14 wrote: »
    I don't understand why I cheated, how it or why it happened. It was only a thought that maybe I was feeling rejected, maybe that wasn't the case.

    You did this for the same reasons that all cheaters cheat; you had the opportunity and because you wanted to.

    Up to you as to where you go from there, but my advice is to admit to yourself why you did it and stop pretending it was a mystery. You seem to have taken ownership of the actions rather than the reasoning behind it.


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    #14
    ruby37
    Registered Users Posts: 43 ✭ruby37


    I would forget about it. On reading your post I didn't even think you had cheated! Move on and if you want a relationship then just make it official. I certainly don't think you should be beating yourself up about it.


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