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Visiting Someone Suffering From Dementia

  • 06-04-2014 7:08pm
    #1
    imme
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,200 ✭✭✭


    My dad has dementia and is living in a nursing home.

    I visit him only every couple of weeks.

    I don't think he recognises any family member or anyone else who visits him.

    Sometimes there can be little interaction due to his situation on the given day.

    Even at times when there is interaction his words and muddled, their meaning incoherent, a standard dementia trait.

    I feel there is little point in visiting him, it makes me feel sad.

    I don't think he gets anything from the visit, he has no understanding of his location, his condition.

    Around the time he went in to the nursing home he would ask for his wife. This was a stock question even while he was living at home.

    A question that would be repeated every few minutes after.
    Again all very standard dementia stuff.

    After the time he moved in to the nursing home I was apprehensive visiting.

    But the first time I went I felt happy that I'd gone that there was mutual benefit from it.

    Now that I'm at the end of the thread I don't know that I have a question.


Comments

  • #2
    Sinall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 813 ✭✭✭Sinall


    Hi Imme

    Different people deal with dementia very differently. For me, I feel that your father may not know who you are, but you still know who he is.

    My grandmother was minded at home by her children (fortunately a very big family so there were lots of people to pitch in) and the grandchildren who were old enough to help out. I was 15/16 when this was going on and now, aged 33, I feel really lucky that I had the chance to spend that time with my grandmother. She hadn't a clue who any of us were but seemed happy to have people around her. She asked the time approx every 10 mins and would also ask when my grandfather would be home. We couldn't keep telling her that he'd passed away years ago so tried to distract her. My mother and my aunts very much took all of this in their stride and I suppose I just went along with that.

    My boyfriend's grandmother has been in a home, with dementia, for a long time now and I don't recall him ever going to see her. His reasoning is that she doesn't know who he is - or who she is herself. His mother goes to see her but finds it very wearying and distressing.

    Do what you feel is right. Maybe have short regular visits for a while and when you leave, remember that you've made the effort to go and see your father whom you love, even if he has no knowledge of it. My own feeling is that's easier to do a very short visit more regularly rather than let it build up so you get nervous and start feeling guilty.

    Dementia is a very difficult condition and it's confusing for the family of the person who has it. Of course you feel sad - do what you feel is right and I hope it becomes a bit easier for you to bear.


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