family difficulty

LegacyUser

My aunt is in her mid eighties. Always got along reasonably well. But there was a family disagreement going back 40 years ago about a will with her youngest sister. Sides were taken and the upshot was my mother and her 2 sisters sided with the youngest
My mother died when I was young and in a conversation with my aunt she suddenly blurted out that my mother & my aunt who also died were both bitches to go against her.
I have kept my distance since then and have no idea what to do. I get on fairly well with her daughter, am fairly sure she would be shocked at her mother's remarks.

Oink

Is there any reason why this must be discussed and analyzed? Can any good come out of it? It's too late now to go back in time and decide who hurt the other more. If we started that in my family we would be at it until we're all dead. I suggest that you forgive and move on. As you know yourself we only have the ones we love for a limited time. Love more, resent less.

miamee

There is really nothing to be gained by perpetuating a 40 year old argument or taking sides now, is there? She may have worded it incorrectly but wanted to talk about the falling out.

At her age she may be thinking over lots of what has happened in her life and how things might have been different. Nobody is or ever was perfect, that includes your mother and all of her sisters. Unless your aunt said a lot more than posted in your OP, I'd talk to her, ask her side of the story and then forget about it.

Taltos

OP - your aunt is in her mid eighties.
God knows how much of what she is remembering is real or imagined - and that includes her description of people.

As to calling your mum a b***, well that's her opinion and it only carries weight if you lend it.

In my opinion the best thing you can do is just laugh this off, it was a disagreement between sisters - and you know family - they can be the worst fights - you were not directly involved and really have no right at this stage to either get involved or take umbrage at a 40 year old fight. Doing so says alot more about you than it does about your mom and her sister's fraught relationship

Big Bag of Chips

To be honest, I think you need to let this go. There was a family falling out between your aunt and her sisters 40 years ago. Your aunt saying what she did about how your mother acted 40 years ago is just her opinion on what happened. Does it upset you because you believe "you shouldn't speak ill of the dead"? That can be true, but sometimes siblings can and do speak ill of each other... It's what siblings do!

Her daughter has no relevance to this, and I don't know why you even feel the need to mention how well you get on, or what she would think of her mother's comments. She lived with her mother for a long time. I'm sure she know more about what her mother thinks than you do.

Your aunt is old. Nearing the end of her life and probably upset that she lost so much time with her family over an argument that in reality, now, probably wasn't worth it.

Do not go running back to your cousin to try get her to take your side or have a go at her mother. As miamee points out, that's just perpetuating a 40 year old argument,,and could lead to your cousin taking her mother's side and falling out with you.

Give your aunt a little bit of leeway. Don't take any of her comments personally, and don't drag up a row you know nothing about by involving your cousin. When your aunt dies, the row will die too.

LegacyUser

You are all absolutely right. Have never mentioned what happened to anyone else and not going to. She caught me at a very bad time in my life and could have done without it. Good to get an outside perspective on things.