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Girlfriend unsure about sex?

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  • 06-04-2014 1:21am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi, with my girlfriend over 3 years. Our sex life has never been that great. There has been times when we have gone months without it (she didn't want to) and times when we would do it quite often (rarely).

    It seems that my girlfriend suddenly puts an effort into making great sex and then doesn't want any for 3-4 weeks. It's gotten to the point where I feel ashamed to even ask or try to initiate sex because in the past couple of months whenever I have it's always been a "no" and this has really hurt my self esteem.

    It's a weird one, when we do have sex, it's usually very satisfying for us both, but I feel like my GF is unsure whether she really wants it, given that she will go almost a month without even trying to initiate anything (or even saying yes).

    I even feel anxious to confront her about this, as I feel that she'll just get upset and say all I ever think about is sex - yes I have a high sex drive, but I don't push her to do things she doesn't want to do.

    Any advice?


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    #2
    R.D. aka MR.D
    Registered Users Posts: 2,643 ✭✭✭R.D. aka MR.D


    Talking to her is your only option. Take her to a neutral place and bring up the fact that your sex life isn't what you want it to be.

    Your sex drives may be completely different and you will have to compromise or go your separate ways. I imagine that you are both young. Do you want to spend the rest of your life dissatisfied?

    Give her a chance to talk about it and hopefully you two can work on it.


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Is your girlfriend on the pill? If not, these 3-4 weeks between her hunger for sex could be due to her hormonal state, i. e. she could be particularly horny around the time of her ovulation. I am not suggesting she is trying for a baby as nothing else in your post indicates this, but I know myself that I am naturally much more up for it around that time of the month. It's certainly not unheard of.

    Still, nothing wrong in addressing it with her to find out.


  • Options
    #4
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    OP - surely your gf is actually quite sure about sex ? - she really isn't that bothered about it. You on the other hand are the unsure one. To a large extent you are unsure if she'll change and you are unsure if you can stay in the relationship if she doesn't.

    From what you write you guys are miles apart when it comes to the frequency of sex question, you aren't discussing it openly and three years on things are worse rather than better. I hope I'm wrong but I can't see a sustainable compromise.


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