unsure of what im doing/feeling/thinking ahhh!

feelingweird

Basically I have started working in a new office and a man I work with, I get on really well with. We have loads of laughs, hes kind and funny and helpful with anything I need. I am in my late 20's and hes in his early 40's and now I have really started to look forward to working with him and am sad when I check the roster and hes not in. I suppose I wouldn't even know if this means I am attracted to him, if I am, how do I know if an older man would even be interested in me? What does one do in this situation, is the age gap too much? He often compliments me and invites me places, not anything like a date but to the shop on our break etc or out for a smoke, always involves me in conversations especially with other members of staff I wouldnt know yet. Maybe I am reading into it too much. But is the age gap too much anyway should I just forget about it? My head is frieeeeeeeed. I have also been single for two years, been asked out etc but not by anyone I could see myself with (sounds fussy but I just dont want to date anyone I have nothing in common with).
All opinions are welcome...!

bluemagpie

For the moment maybe he is just being friendly and helping you settle in. I am older than some of the people I am around on a daily basis (similar to the age gap you are talking about) but I would never even consider being with any of them to me they are just too young, but I am very at ease and friendly with them and I do suspect one or two may read into things that aren't there. That said I wouldn't be inviting them places etc.

Maybe he is interested and if he does ask you out and you're interested go for it, the age gap is no one else's business it's you that has to decide if it matters to you. In my opinion late 20s v early 40s isn't a big deal, but say 20 v early 30s is, different folks, different strokes!

feelingweird

Ya maybe I am just being silly and hes just being friendly, I am sure I will snap out of it..thanks for your input

thegreatgonzo

If it was me I wouldn't do anything. You've just started working there and you don't really know him yet. From what you say it just sounds like he is being nice to you and helping you settle in. As for the age gap, that's really your call.
I don't think you are fussy for not going out with just anyone but I think possibly you need to get out and about more so you don't depend on work interactions so much.

hattoncracker

If I were you I'd suss the situation. Hold back, wait and see what happens. He could just be being nice, there could be more there, but let things progress naturally!

As for the age thing, meh! It's your call on that but I wouldn't rule him out because of it. I'm 27; my fiancé is 46 and I'm gonna be step granny when I get married! But that's just me, doesn't phase me in the slightest.

You can't help who you like, and if you like this guy and the feeling is mutual maybe down the line when things are settled in work you guys could end up dating. And if you like him enough the age won't matter.

I will give you one bit of advice: do not discount yourself just because you are younger than him. If he does, then he's missing out!

P. Breathnach

Do you even know if he is single?

For now, I'd go with the consensus, and suggest that you don't read too much into things. Protect your psyche from the possibility of disappointment, and protect your working environment from complications, especially as you are new there.

[But I see nothing odd about a man in his early 40s wanting to build a relationship with a woman in her late 20s.]

feelingweird

Thank you so much for everyone's replies and I definitely agree with ye all. He is single, I know this much anyways. I know a lot of women have great time for him so he may just have a flirtatious personality which I have reminded myself. I will just sit pretty like ye said I don't want to make any situations awkward in my new job. I'm sure if it's meant to happen it will, but I guess the best thing would be to let him make the first move (if he ever should want to). I will drop a few subtle hints every now and again

P. Breathnach

feelingweird wrote: »

... I will drop a few subtle hints every now and again

Do make sure they are subtle!

Does he know that you unattached?

Tokyo

Perhaps you should focus more on the new job for a while, rather than the guy you are working with? Work needs your immediate attention, whereas if anything is going to happen with this guy, there is no harm in letting it develop slowly over time, and getting a better feel for the situation.

feelingweird

He knows I'm unattached. Have no problem waiting to see does anything I'm in no rush. And I'm not a forensic scientist or anything, my job is easily done even with this distraction I guess I'll just wait and see what the future holds.

feelingweird

So just a little update, new job is going really well. Things with older man are good to, seem to be forming a good friendship, have lots of same interests conversation is always flowing, lots of laughs. One day he came to work in a bad mood, I immediately took it personally for some reason, guess I'm overly sensitive and avoided him and I feel sad now like I've done or said something to ruin things. But I dunno should I just step away now and forget about it, or should I show him I'm interested? He has cheered up since and we chat again and I'm obviously aware he could have his own issues outside of work that could influence his mood but im a paranoid creature at heart.

Czarcasm

feelingweird wrote: »

So just a little update, new job is going really well. Things with older man are good to, seem to be forming a good friendship, have lots of same interests conversation is always flowing, lots of laughs. One day he came to work in a bad mood, I immediately took it personally for some reason, guess I'm overly sensitive and avoided him and I feel sad now like I've done or said something to ruin things. But I dunno should I just step away now and forget about it, or should I show him I'm interested? He has cheered up since and we chat again and I'm obviously aware he could have his own issues outside of work that could influence his mood but im a paranoid creature at heart.

This seems to me anyway OP what could be fuelling your interest in this one guy who is more than likely just being friendly with you as it's part of his personality, and you seem to be forming all sorts of ideas and reading into things WAY too much.

How are you integrating with the rest of your co-workers? What's your social life like outside work? The fact you've been single for two years too might be fuelling your interest in this guy who may not realise you're reading so much into things.

Dellnum

You are the new girl and so a novelty around the place now and maybe that is why this guy is interested, you are something different whom he knows nothing about. You have plenty of time to see how this develops and just remember he will make a move if he is interested. He will let you know so that you won't have to guess.:P

feelingweird

I go to a boot camp 4 or 5 times a week to work out, I really enjoy it but it's predominantly women so hard to meet men but have made lots of new friends so am happy. But most of my friends are now living in oz so would not have anyone to really socialise with anymore which is a pity. So social life used to be jam packed, now I would only venture out every couple of months. So yes maybe I am just looking for someone to pin my emotions on, to stop myself feeling lonely but I don't know. Maybe I'm not. I really enjoy his company. I don't even really know what to do, or what kind of advice I'm asking for to be honest. Never been in this situation before!

Emme

Maybe this man is being friendly. Do you know if he is single or if he is in a relationship? Even if he is single workplace relationships can be awkward. My advice is to keep it friendly and professional for the time being and this will give you ample time to suss him out properly.

In the meantime work on your social life - try meetup groups, there are groups to suit all ages.

I think the age gap isn't a big deal in your situation but the fact that he is a colleague could make things difficult.

feelingweird

Thanks for all your advice everyone, what are meet up groups? I do need to try meet new people and that's a fact.

Czarcasm

feelingweird wrote: »

Thanks for all your advice everyone, what are meet up groups? I do need to try meet new people and that's a fact.

Try here fw -

http://www.meetup.com/

I'd say if you do a quick google too you'll find clubs and societies in your area that you can get involved in to expand your social circle, and try not to think so much about whether this guy likes you or not, try and think of him for now as just a work colleague whose company you enjoy. I'm sure you're aware that bringing your work home with you is fraught with disaster.

Best try and keep your work life and your social life separate, even at least until you've got a better handle on the situation, because right now it looks like if this guy asked you out, you'd instantly jump at the chance, whereas at least if you have a busy social life, having to rearrange commitments to fit him in, might just give you pause for thought before you throw yourself head first into a relationship.

FullblownRose

I know this one quite well and unlike your situation neither of us were in a position to openly admit to havng an interest in one another. And the rationalising everything and brushing it off as friendliness. The fried head feeling is very familiar I told myself I am lucky to know him as a friend, and I didn't want to ruin that. I guess for you time will tell

feelingweird

After completing the release of a new product in work, the man in question invited me out for dinner. Would dinner suggest this is a date? Or do friends do dinner.

Czarcasm

feelingweird wrote: »

After completing the release of a new product in work, the man in question invited me out for dinner. Would dinner suggest this is a date? Or do friends do dinner.

Well it's impossible to tell really fw. I do dinner dates with my female friends all the time and it's just the two of us. I wouldn't strictly view it as a date, but I'm sure you could bring it up during dinner conversation in a light hearted way which might open the door you suggesting that it might become something more formal than work colleagues or friends going for dinner and enjoying each others company.

feelingweird

Wish I had a crystal ball at this stage of my life.. Thanks Czarcasm

LegacyUser

feelingweird wrote: »

Wish I had a crystal ball at this stage of my life.. Thanks Czarcasm

It's a date. Just go and enjoy it. Y'know he probably likes you as much as you like him,sounds like Ye have chemistry.

twilight_singer

feelingweird wrote: »

Wish I had a crystal ball at this stage of my life.. Thanks Czarcasm

It's a date alright. Enjoy it, don't over think it. Sounds like Ye have chemistry.

jellyboy

Hi op ..

From reading your words ,its safe to say that you are in a relationship with this man …

if not in heart in mind,

One day he came to work in a bad mood, I immediately took it personally for some reason, guess I'm overly sensitive and avoided him and I feel sad now like I've done or said something to ruin things

Thats not a bad thing ,in fact if you have read the secret or the multitude of other books like it out there it would be called manifestation

Or it could be that the heart and mind are getting ready for Love ,saying to your soul..i want to be held ..

the confusion ,not knowing ,hoping ,wishing,longing are all a part of the dance of love

I have also been single for two years, been asked out etc but not by anyone I could see myself with (sounds fussy but I just dont want to date anyone I have nothing in common with).

As you wrote the above ,I'm not surprised that you have taken it very easy and being cautious and asking questions..
Love is like buying a new /secondhand car..you need to check it out first

http://www.inspirationpeak.com/poetry/theinvitation.html

its very beautiful to read this thread ,its like how friendships /relationships should form .

feelingweird

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply, I am looking forward to the dinner now and seeing what the future holds! If nothing I have still made a great friend out of this experience

feelingweird

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply, I am looking forward to the dinner now and seeing what the future holds! If nothing I have still made a great friend out of this experience

feelingweird

anyone have any tips for pre-dinner jitters?

twilight_singer

feelingweird wrote: »

anyone have any tips for pre-dinner jitters?

Enjoy the jitters! Jitters are good. If you wernt getting them I'd be worried.