REALLY negative "friend"

LegacyUser

I'll try keep this short...

I went back to college as a mature student last September. Its all going really well so far and Im enjoying it and glad a made the decision to do it.
But...!!! There's a person in my class who is possibly THE most negative person I've ever encountered.
He has latched himself onto me and no matter what I do, I just can't seem to get rid of him.

He moans about everything, all the time and he constantly makes horrible bitchy remarks about people and their appearance - never to their face of course! To say he's two faced and manipulative would be the understatement of the year.

Its almost like he's poisonous and it seems that the more vicious he gets about a person or a situation, the more satisfied and happy he is.
If he's not doing that then he's monopolosing every lecture by doing the "asking a question just to show that he knows the answer" thing...!

Im finding him extremely draining at this stage. I've tried ignoring, I've tried the "ah stop moaning" approach, I've been very frank at times and told him that he's way out of line but nothing seems to be working. I don't mind the odd rant now and then when something has happened and its called for but this is just NON STOP.

I know the obvious answer is to just remove myself from the situation but we're a very small class so I can't really escape him but does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with it better?

I just realised that I didn't keep it short...apologies ;-)

Thanks

Tokyo

I think you've tried being passive and it hasn't worked, or he's chosen to ignore it. What's wrong with turning round to him and saying "I'm sorry, but I can't deal with your negativity about everything anymore. It's draining and getting me down and I don't need to hear it every day. Goodbye."

If he's half as bad as you say, then I'm fairly sure he's heard it before - probably from the people you hear him bitching about all the time.

Life's too short to be around people like that - cut loose now.

Oryx

Stop being polite. If you think he is being an ass, tell him. If you don't want to be around him, make no apologies for walking away. Hopefully the smallness of the class will soon teach him there is nowhere to go with his bad behaviour, as none of you will put up with it.

gugleguy

Is he a mature student? I am asking this so that if he is not, report him to pastoral care in the college. Then please cut off lines with him like the other posters have said. If he is a mature student, refer about him to the mature students association in the college (there was one, very loosely I suppose when I was in college many moons ago)

tomwaterford

just keep your interaction with them to a minimum

someone like that is deeply unhappy in themselves IMO

will only drag you down

R.D. aka MR.D

i think every course has one of those know it all types. If everyone in the course is bothered by it then go to your head of department together and ask that the person be spoken to about disrupting the class. If they have questions then they should address them to the lecturer at the end.

His negativity is probably just part of his personality. If I were you then i just wouldn't associate with him. If he tries to talk to you then just say 'excuse me, i have to do x/y/z now even if it's just sending a fake text message.' It will feel like you are being rude but he might get the hint and leave you alone.

I had a guy like that in my course when I was in college. He was always doing terribly, going on about how things were harder for him than for everyone else, getting extra help and monopolising the lecturers/assistants attention, asking completely irrelevant questions in class to show off that he knew (completely unrelated and which everyone else already knew) stuff. The minute he got a bad mark it wasn't be because he was lazy and couldn't take responsibility for his own work, it was because he was being bullied by the marker and the assignment was unfair.

ANYWAY....

People like that will never change. So just don't bother with him, there will never come a point at which he'll think "oh gee, maybe I should check my behaviour", so there's no point at trying to affect him. Any efforts you might make to hint to him that he's being difficult will either be ignored or just give him another chance to be negative. Just steer clear and don't be nice to him. Don't encourage any contact at all. If he needs help, don't. If he tries to talk to you, just find the quickest out and get away from him. Don't feel like you need to be nice to him or put up with him, you don't.

lajoie

It sounds like by hanging around with him, not only is it getting you down, but it's potentially isolating you from other people.

If he was "just" negative, but seemed to be at least nice, I might have a more "nicely nicely" approach, but he sounds like a class a moron if he's being cruel about peoples' appearance and the like. Definitely cut him off. Don't sit with him, don't respond to messages, restrict what he can see on your facebook etc. And try to become closer to decent people in your class! You do run the risk of getting some rudeness from him, but do you care? I'd suggest really engaging with a society/sport/other classmates on campus or anything without him.

Pawwed Rig

As others have said there is one in every class. When you enter a lecture sit as far away from him as possible. Be polite but don't engage with the bitchiness. Go for breaks with others, don't volunteer for group projects with him etc etc. No need to be rude (as everyone has there good points) but if you are not his friend then you have no obligations to him.